iia Aiea eo

 

 

 

 

Prexy dead, boon to dangle

Brainard Franklin, the Ape of Golf,

is booked in at Murder One for
president killing, cabinet
destruction and use of asswhip.

FRANKLIN: On, Death Row

Most every day he plays a nose
flute. A teakettle always boils in
his littered cell. A small radio
broadcasts the Master's Tournament
and he listens distractedly. He
reads As, / Mfe Living and
Sidd#artéa. He's already written
the menu for his last
supper --banana pudding and
peanut clusters. Final preparations
are being made in the death
chamber. The rap of hammers and
the scream of electric saws can be

heard plainly from his cot as he

feigns a nap.

get it. Sure, yeah, of course. |
hope so, anyway. A baboon don’t

fo more want to be dead than you

do.

CM. Does the noise of all that
gallows-making bother you?

AG. They just better tie bowling
balis to my feet if they expect to
snap my neck cleanly. I keep
telling them that. They pay no
attention. I expect to dangle in
agony some time before someone
has to jump up and tug at my legs.
I have a strong kick, by the way.
It's not the noise itself that irks
me, but that it represents an idea
alien to ape cuiture--cruel and
unusual punishment. Now look.
All I did was open up a can of
whipass on the president and his
Hawaiian slut and this is my

Hotel Jordan at the moment of my
execution. We plan to marry after
death. Kennedy never did him
right. That's why he fell so
passionately for a caring baboon
like me.

C.M.
settle?

Do you have any scores to

AG Life is a bogey, not an eagle.
We are always one stroke over,
always in hazard. Fairways turn
foul. Every tee-off ends in a slice.
The game is forever uneven. The
score is never settled. I feel under
par, not vengeful.

CM. What would you do differently
had you the chance?

AG. I'd never carry asswhip cans
with me. With an ape’s volcanic

nature I am _ susceptible to
murderous fits. They should ban
asswhip, period. Keep it off the
shelves. Without asswhip I
wouldn't have killed.

City Moon spoke with Franklin on thanks.
the eve of his execution.
CM. How do you want to be
CM. What's your terminal weight, remembered?
pal?
AG. I want a fifty-foot balloon of

AG. Fifty-five. When they jerk out
the brain itll be more like
fifty-two.

CM. Is there an afterworld for you
guys?

AG. After what? For who? Oh, I

Vegas man bangs yearling

REVENGE, LA.--A Las Vegas Man wearing a

Humungous costume has been charged with

sodomizing a eo Ay in Pilchard Park
No. 5.

Tick Harrison, a blackjack player, had rented the
costume at an Uncle Bob's Monster Shop about 6
pm. yesterday, then driven his car to a national
forest, searching for a young Py with which to
have sexual congress.

The animal was quickly located. Forest rangers

BA

spotted Harrison's white body amid the
evergreens, heard the A, pitiable bray and
quickly forestalled continuation of the act.

A veterinarian, Hung Ten Gonuchi, drove by and
was signaled to stop. The WR died.

Gonuchi analyzed the ass of the dead Py,
Harrison's semen was positively identified.
Charges were filed: aggravated sodomy with
unsuccessful ejaculation and criminal cruelty to
forest beasts, not to mention the lesser charge of
criminal asspass. Harrison is expected to kill
himself before a trial date is set.

Dickbird Dayschool Pamper Disposal Seminar

me in every Macy's parade.

CM. Are you going to try to take
anything with you?

CM. Where do you go from here?

AG. Excuse, please, but I've got to
make for the pot. I’m all loaded up
again. Got to dump it.

AG. A Russian putter I call Lefty, a
doll. He's promised to defenestrate
from the tenth floor of Prague's

END OF INTERVIEW/CITY MOON,
APE OF GOLF, COPYRIGHT 1965

 
   
 

  
  
 

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r

Today is the last day of the first part of your life
-- KH.