ne

Why did Dr. F.A. Cook choose a midwinter
date for his assault on the Pole? Others,
quite sensibly, had opted for warmer
seasons. Why brutes to pull his sled, and
not dogs? What of his promise to find
the rumored Bavarian burial ground of
extinct Cretaceous birds? And _ his
monkish/savage desire to move about
with a dozen sewing needles stitched into
the flesh of his scrotum?

The answer to all these questions is the
same: the whatwhats. What kinds of
questions are these? What is being
asked? What for? What? This is the

 

   

    
 

Hospice.

 
  
   
  

the brute.

  
 
  

 
   
  
  
  
 

developed cyanosis; was buried,

NOGUCHI'S SISTER FINDS THE LOST
PLANET JOYCE IN PLUTO'S UMBRA

Noguchi Sister at
University.

from Joyce's mud.

luckless astronomer
been constipated for three months.”

BLOOD LETTER KILLS SENATOR; THE
CABBY AND MAID WILL BE TRIED

to stand trial and be executed.
3

senator's blood, fined 80 guida and
released.

Survivors include

 

wives, a pet cervid and a brute.

The heart was an accidental byproduct of a-
ruptured cloning mill containment vessel near
the brute’s father's trailer home and later the
implantation of a blue mutant cervid heart in

The brute lingered a few stillborn days;
as law
requires, for a month; was dug up and taken to
Uncle Bob's Monster Shop, far east Wichita’s
only monster establishment; and is daily
revivified for paid, spectatorial amusement.

The 10th planet from the sun is named
after its discoverer, Joyce Lowell, a
Loyola Extrapolate

Joyce flies in the cold shadow of distant
Nepturn, once called Pumpsyivania, home
to a billion earthworms shipped there by
the Annelid Futures Co., which hopes to
reap an earthsworth of fishing worms

Lowell discovered the planet through a
handheld telescope given her by the
Percival Lowell.
"Until I found Joyce,’ Lowell says, “I had

A US. Senator whose political career took
off when, as a geologist, he discovered
the East Pole, in the Fertile Crescent, was
drained until dead by a Wichita-born
blood letter, Samuel P. Dinsmoor, hired
by the senator's maid and cabby, who are

Dinsmoor was caught peddling the

two common-law

declension of our age, when the
culminating question, more and more
frequently, is “What?”

The City Moon is not a harvest of
whatwhats. Subscriptions are
unavailable. Buy it at the kiosk for 50
pretty pennies. Our news is hard and
eternal and never wears out or thin. We
do the only total coverage of Wichita,
Belize and the drifting island Sinatra. We
leave our editorializing on the editorial
page, which youre reading. Floating
discounts for major advertisers.

CERVINE HEART FOUND IN STILLBORN INFANT

The heart of an antlerless deer has been
recovered from a stillborn brute at the City

  
 
  

  

  
  
 

  
  
   
 

teratoma from her abdomen.

Postmortems revealed the

excised from the monstrous growth.

made manicotti of the L-5 vertebra.

applications of asswhip.

DISPLAY OPEN IN MEMPHIS, EGYPT

three-bed room.
lonely, Memphis backstreet.

 

road home is a sleepy one. That's it.

Uncle Bob's turns on the slime generator at 7
a.m. and after that the fun never stops. He's got
death eggs, sickening thud tapes, humungouses
and snacks of melted tire on a stick. From there
to the Prodigy, in the city's northeast, is a
five-minute

monsters--away.

Hairthings & Centipede Love Apples, fleacake,
shitbutter and actual photos of Hell: These are
some of the treats for a Prodigygoer. Nosefuls
of Peruvian marching powder enhance this free
experience. You'll come away with a monster
_ you love to hate. Don't you think you deserve a
brute? One's waiting for you right now at any
Wichita monster shop.

TRENCHING OF QUEEN PROVES VAIN;
. ASSWHIP EXPERIMENTS CONTINUE

A dozen medicants trenched Queen Boats
Float, trying vainly to remove a 25-Ib.

tumor's
content. A small femur, two eyeteeth, a
fulty formed foot and a walnut were

Study showed that asswhip applied near
the spinal base many years before had |

Officials say the queen may perish, that
she is being kept alive for experiments,
primarily the effects of substantial oral

HEARTBREAK HOTEL, ELVIS MUMMY

You pay about 50 in US. guida for a
It's at the end of a
Trotsky's
singing mummy of the bloated Elvis is at
rest in the lobby. You pass it as you
make for the steam cave at the mansion’'s
rear. Some toss coin, some look away,
but every man jack one of them came all
the way to Memphis for this. After a
gawk at Elvis you eat at the Graceland
Cafe--truffle and snout, Crisco biscuits
and hard black coffee, any color pills on
demand, roadbird and blackass pie. The

  

The harvest of whatwhats

This year's editorial is about life in
ancient times. Long before Cook gawked
at the Pole, or Buddha sat on his ya-ya.

Before the Fertile Crescent, before brutes .

clubbed south toward the Gulf of Mexico,
smearing sabertooth and wiping wooly
mammoth butt.

“As time dawned, so did the reign of

Mickey the Rat, the star prince with a
snarl and a wicked bite, 40,000 headmen
marching before the Imperious Rodent,
primitive America's first major. He was
loused several times and died, rabid, in
AC. 1955. He never gave charity a dime.

  
    
   

jitney ride--but a world of

DID LEXICOGRAPHER DISSOLVE A
NECRONAUT IN AN ACID BATH?

Judith Pursiane, forewoman at the
word mili near Bloody Creek,
discovered the acid-soaked remains
of Cumulus C. Carothers, a Belize City
necronaut, during a required
paleontological meditation. It is
supposed the brute had been
substantially dissolved when a mill
containment vessel's skin was
breached and_ spilled 10,000
aqueous tons of word acid, which
came down with a tidal roar on the
picknicking necronaut, but this has
not been confirmed. Damaged
‘beyond recognition, Carothers was
identified by a numbered tag on his
cervine heart.

AVERSION TRAINER CLAIMS TO
HAVE SEEN WESTERN LANDS HERE

Aversion trainer Ambrose Quick
visited the Western Lands recently
and has filed a quitclaim deed on
certain property there. Local courts
say these lands do not exist.

Quick says he saw these lands at the
edge of the city as recently as two
nights ago. They are vast, their earth
black, rich and fecund. Quick will
build as soon as he finds a court to
recognize his deed. He plans to plant
and harvest whatwhats and clone

 

  
  
     
   
  
 
  
  
  
  
  
   

{ ‘

 

_ oreodonts to cross with humans.