City Moon Enterprises belly up;

 

Wife
a Bee

A (City Moon Enterprises
brute ranch has bellied up.
Nine hundred seed brutes,
valued in excess of 10,000
vida, demonstrated for their
reedom near Jarbalo. Under
a broiling sun, they offered
their stomachs to the vultures
of Belikin Valley, who did not

resist .. . . Plans to bottle
babycake--stripped flesh of
high IQ kid--were tabled until
the late Januarius meeting. ...
Hellhounds Bus drivers, laid
off because Hell is shut down
and all the buses have been
rerouted to Heaven, picket
outside the Pearly Gate. Hell

 

 

 

Dirty rain pops ape balloon

The maiden voyage of Mick Rat,
The Balloon, foundered when
the helium-filled head caught
fire and spewed burning
plasma chunks over onlookers
and into the East River near Ice

Palace Boulevard, according to
Papa Isio and two tramps
Watching the parade, the only
survivors. President Rat wired
condolences from his White
House den.

Newspaper cures schizoids

Uptown Sinclair retires tc
Beltkin to write memoirs
and to. set up a cottage
fndusiry: the manufacture
Of bull-dick walking sticks.
‘1 go to the slaughterhouse,
/ take the penises home to
my workshop, stretch them
over stee/l rods, hang them
in the oaks to dry, apply
Shellac, tip them With 4
ferrule and sell them tc
crippled, gimpy persons.”

The newspaper in your
hands 1s printing § this
rambling setter from

Sinclair, which tt got fast
week.

Dear City Moon,

I am happy I lived long enough
to see the novel, that quirky,
indulgent movement of the
literary bowels, pass.

Asswhipped starlet says
Peterbilt ruined her life

 

Mitzi Gaynor has brought
charges against Sissy
Peterbilt, author of the
mystery Who Puked in
the Sink? Ms. Gaynor says
the Peterbilt heiress
assauited her at the filming
of Ful/ Sink of Puke, the
movie based on her work,
with a can of aerosol
deformant, in street argot
asswhip. Ms. Gaynor: “! can
only get monster roles.”

Now, a TV-enstooged citizenry
of room-temp intelligence finds
good fiction can't keep up with
Jonestown. Who wants it all

tediously chronicled on sheets [ae
of dead pine by professional |-

realists?

Readers want to groove on the
brutal truth, not cock ‘n’ bull
stories.

Which brings me now to the
City Moon. it seems The
National Home for the Insane
has begun distributing the

paper to its educated clientele fa

in the most advanced and
experimental programs of cure.
Reading the paper restores
longtime, literate schizophrenics
to their senses and produces a
spectrum of adjunct responses,

ali for less than the cost of a

single spansule of valium.

PAMPERED HEADS LEFT IN DAIRY QUEEN

A hypermammiferous
woman entered the Dairy
Queen at 1212 Cheddar Hill
Drive today in Nome, Ala.,
with five human heads in a
suitcase, each nestled neatly
in a Pamper.

The heads were those of
husband Barry; Muffy and
Dale, the twin 10-year-olds;
Earnest, the dull-normal son,
17; and George D. Bennett,
an uncle visiting from

Skagway.

Observers say she sat down
with a calm demeanor,
though her clothes were
blood-soaked and the
suitcase oozed both blood
and fluid, ordered a Hunger
Buster and a Mr. Pibb from a
trembling waitress, then
shouted, “Oh, sput! I forgot

.aboyt little ’ Timmy,» and

aL ARTEL ET SSL SE EFT a

ff @ Wirt

 

pefting sfeel, the #ead of Mick

vultures to feed

is big, cold, doomed and
empty. (See ‘First Pics of
Hell,” Page 7.) Meanwhile,

Satan keeps staring at the
picture of our planet on the
cover of the Last Black Hole
Farth Catalog and thinking
relocation... . Brute futures
mixed in late trading.

,

e eee

ats balloon exploded sear t&e Popeye
Spinach Co, fafaring 3,000, killing sone.

dashed from the restaurant
Without paying.

As she flew away, a
typescript fell from her
coat--Creative Uses for
Throway Products: A Book
of Love, by Nadine Trotsky.

Police were summoned and
as horrified Dairy Queen
patrons looked on, the
oozing suitcase was opened.
"This is incredibly awesome
: extremely and
unbelievably bizarre .. .
definitely a worst-case
scenario. Personally
speaking, I've never gotten
more than three heads in
one suitcase," said Sergeant
Del Piombo. “This one beats
them all. For some darned
reason, the white women
love to come to _ this
particular ‘Dairy Queen, the

northernmost one in the
world, to dump their grisly
loads.

“They come from great
distances, suitcases in tow,
hungry, tired. Why? Search
me. I'm just a cop with a
chilly beat. To tell you the
truth, there's one thing
about all this that's a puzzie.
... Why are all the women
who bring in the heads

 

hypermammiferous? i
mean, what makes
large-breasted women

behead their families at 10
times the statistical rate of
moderate- to smali-breasted
ones?"

Trotsky remains at large.

More than six dozen <2
have been abandoned in the
Cheddar Hill Dairy Queen::

BAS SEAS E REY BEET Sa EE ee