Grog finds beached bod

A shrouded, crab-pinched Body that washed up on
Corpus Christi beach last week may be that of the
Savior Jesus. The Body was turned over by a
beachcomber from Alaska, one Grog, of Nome, who
was searching for fossils of the ancient bird
Archaeopteryx and reported finding a baptornis
skull lodged in the ribcage.

Charity toughens gut

A Texas man went to the desert, where he trained
to pull cars with his teeth and a rope. He met
Prudence--pretty, tender, tiny, toothless--and in a
fever, they wed. Some (3) babies were born. One
had spina bifida, one was still and one was swiped
by the Rainbow Brothers. Out of grief, he made a
decision: to put his own belly on the line for
charity. He trained with a semi until his ribs broke
and he'd busted six 10-ply, heavy-duty highway
tires. I'm ready, he thought. He started and ended
with third-rate, Midwestern Renaissance fairs. A
redneck brought his jenny mule down to kick the
man hard in the breadbasket. Some people
slammed his ass with bowling balls. Gradually, his
gut toughened.

Beatle No. 6 washes up

The body of the sixth Beatle has washed up among
the cypress knees of Bayou Goula Swamp. He is
Chimponius Ringo, a bitter little monkey from here,
there and everywhere, taught from infancy to pose

as Beatle No. 6, singing “Norwegian Wood" in.

Bavaria, for example, “Yellow Submarine” in
Jacksonville and “Here Comes the Sun” in Point
Barrow, Ala. Cause of death? Noguchi could not
say. “Had Paul died,” he explained, “Chimpo Ringo
would have been the new Beatle, according to what
Brian Epstein told me. He was their manager.”

Hardleg's Spot found

A new Hardleg Spot, analogue to the G-Spot, an
erogenous zone, was scientifically excavated from
the loess piles, or Q-Spots, of a Bat City cave
yesterday.

The spot will be named for discoverer Quincy
Hardieg, an unemployed porter from the Gons
Hotel, who was wandering through the Playboy
Cave looking for the lost ruins of Hefner's mansion
when he pitched through a skylight onto a
crumbling, oval bed strewn with naked-women
photos, then crashed through the bed and into the
Bat Cave--in former times an underground gym
where Hefner had been buried beneath the
basketball court--to puddle on the floor.

His Spot will be stored in dry ice until science
retrieves it for experiment.

 

 

Beware of all enterprises requiring
no clothes. Heary 8. sheresgh

 

 

 

 

| eee “pray ay

The Dirty Job Groyp
-- A Deep Shaft Company --

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Ta See, Ja knew, To Undersiand

Cash up front!
--Address withheld-- a

 

     
   
     
 

 

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kakistocracy [zg a ‘/

Queen Redwhite Blue, bringing
her dozen bastards, has come to
Belize City to marry Andrew
Carnegie Burris, the word
merchant, former head digsman
at the Wichita Atom Pile, with
Friar Benedict officiating. His
bastards include the numbskull

Salmonella; Shagella, a normal;

and Bushboy Sugarman, a
low-order brute. Her dowry
includes a bucket of frozen
Kennedy semen and an apehair
counterpane. Burris arrived on
the last bus from Oaxaca, the
gold lame tie flashing in the
mountain sun, the Earth Shoes,
the works. The marriage was
publicly consummated after a
feast of orchid-stuffed gibnut
and hot raisin paste. Hours
before, the queen, at her
mother's house, had readied for
nuptials in the usual ways:

‘ahd

mN ay —

 

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Queen marries

 

 

JOYUTIME

      

7

  

Wichita dealer
tucking in her tulle, tending her
hair, hanging her sash
embroidered “kakistocracy,”
douching, , drowsing, eating
soured cheese and grazing for
other pleasures.

At the church, before the sacred
sacrament of marriage, Burris
reported a dream to Friar
Benedict, the officiant:

A monstrous worm emerged
from my mouth with a sibilant
hiss. It was cobralike, having a
dozen of more eyes, which
looked at me in unison, then
separately, and then bled pus
all over my beard, in my

mouth, up my nose and in the -

ears. Next it became a white
wurst, and I ate it. It
homunculated into a man in my
stomach, a two-headed one.

NOW SHOWING
Admission $100

Sissy and Peter Enfield Slat Cittg tn

£H61@fa2 § Peter

The breathtaking story of istle, a thistle and a
whistied epistle. Peter and Sissy go at it again.