At the Cherry Boulevard ice Palace

Enfield Peters

 

 

fi prodigious 80 pounder
WE I BE
EXHIBITED

 

Z ig?
7

, ag

 

¥E

 

 

been sought nationwide. The

       
     
 

For One Dag only tin

 

VALUABLE MONKEY TO GET IDIOT HEART

FORT WAYNE, Ind.--A high-dollar monkey,

Brainard Tar, employed by Aerospace >

General, is to receive the heart of a human
idiot.

The idiot, an institutional lifer, will be
sedated and the heart excised by Coroner
Noguchi, with the consent of the Muncie
Board of Mentation.

Scientific studies confirm the efficacy of
idiot-chimp exchanges. Economically
significant simians like Brainard Franklin,
the famous Ape of Golf, tend to reject the
hearts of peers, but not of human idiots. _

Let's return to Tar here, however, who was
born Oct. 6, 1957, the day Sputnik went up
and changed everything. Now a decrepit
30-year-old, Tar’s ticker has petered rapidly
in recent weeks and a human donor has
idiot's
guardians made the offer just yesterday.

The surgery, with Noguchi on the knives,

will be performed at the Alfred E.
Wittgenstein Mortuarium in East Wichita.

Dickbird Academy
The Basics & Little Else

Cosmopoliten at Quivering Depths

Pa cy
aaa Gases

   

 

Vhe sper Mhale ill

Qolerate 20 DONSeDSe
H. Melville

Wie) (ineaee OoIe)
Since 4004 Before Christ

 

Sutpencil fingered

NORMAN, Okla.--Fungi kill for the same
reason Dr. Elliot Massengil Madstone
did: They cannot produce their own
food and so rely for energy on existing
organic matter.

And as do certain fungi, Dr. Madstone
fed on material already dead, often
illegally obtained corpses.

‘He stacked them in his lambing barn

like cordwood, drawing black plastic
tight over the pile to cook under a
boiling Oklahoma sun. t

Whenever he vacationed, one went with
him in a specially made carpetbag lined
with pure, white Para rubber.

At some -well-defined point in Dr.
Madstone's evolution, the line between
parasite and predator seems to have
been crossed.

It happened the day his wife was found
dead. A  thumbless suspect had

‘throttled her. She was discovered by a

Wichita sex & pleasure officer operating

 

"BOOGER MEAT

 

HANNIBAL MCTWAIN’S CRAB SHOP

YR. HOUSE

FOOT OF ONE CRAB

BALLS ‘'N’ BEAN YR. BLENDER
FACE OF RABBIT YR. HOUND
YOUR OWN EYES YR. GONADS
CRABGRASS YR. COKE
PURULENT SPUT YR. WIFE

ANY APPENDAGE

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE 70 PAY OUT THE ASS

 

PT OHI Gla

in Madstone death

out of Miami, Okla. Could a gorilla have
been responsible? Noguchi, the coroner
in the case, doubted that. “A man
without thumbs,” he said, “but
unnaturally long and powerful middle

fingers. I would say nothing concerning
his ancestry or origins.”

Madstone, grieving in his library,
picking through his photo albums,
brooding over every still of his beloved
Sissy, was suddenly struck by a furious
urgency: A photo flopped on the rug,
that of Madstone’s anatomy school
roommate, Virgilian Sutpencil.

Thumbless.
Middle fingers like pepperonis.

Old pal Virgilian. Now the memory
struck like an Oriental gong. The one
who could strip the trigeminals from a
cadaver in half the time it took his
classmates. Born without thumbs, but,
in compensation, with huge fingers.

The weapons that had killed his wife.

The Chatterbox

A Talking Salon - At Plato Mall