SUCCINCTO

SPINACH FACTORY EXPLOSION
ROCKS SUN SEEKERS’ NUDE BEACH

Popeye's, a Belikin spinach
factory, exploded today, blowing
the green stuff a mile into a
clear blue sky and hurling a
5-ton statue of Popeye
heavenward, which, atomizing,
descended, burning a thousand
on-looking sunseekers with a
hot, green rain.

INSECTS BLAST NEBRASEA FACE

At a flatball match, a swarm of
iceberg lettuceflies destroyed the
mouth of a quarterback, Johnny
Horton Jr., by filling it with
caustic eggs as he winged a
game-winning aerial in the
Wichita Muskrat Bowl on Friday.

NURSE FUZZY WUZZY DYING

Bullet, a Java man, was with his
Uncle Wiggily at the Tigris Ag
Farm last week, neutering
piglets, when news arrived that
Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy, his
muskrat lady housekeeper, was
caught in a rat trap. She is dying.

POINT BLAST TO GET WINDBLADE
TO DISPERSE NECROTIC WINDS
THAT BLOW IN FROM THE GULF

With its new windblade, Point
Blast, Wichita, disperses necrotic
winds that blow in from the gulf.

DEVIL TO BLOW KEY CITIES

His Satanic Majesty, the skinny
devil, has declared he'll blow up
several U.S. cities inside
aluminum bags with popcorn

_ bombs. His tentative targets--
London, Yuba City, Tupelo,
Amsterdam, Belikin, Pine Bluff,
Irkutsk, Provo, Tulum, Houston
Winston-Salem, Jerusalem--are
stoically battening hatches and
hoarding canned ass.

s

DOLPHIN BRUISES IDIOT HEART

A dolphin-feeding idiot fell into
Waterworld Pool No. 66 today.
Peppermint Molly, a dolphin,
chewed through the numbskull's
ribcage and bruised the heart.

Drop dead, Marg Hitler.
I'll send black roses.
--B.D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dewey ie UP, Ghemed yp, eirarcd Ip at Odd Fellow's Rest

A couple cried in Eternity Park
yesterday as Dewey, their unknown
son, was disinterred. Later, Dewey's
unknown sisters reburied the body in
a brown paper bag.

The large mother swaddied her head
closely and shrouded herself in a
drab dress, grieving for the son she
did not know, for years, she'd
mothered.

Pickets representing CUD (Chew Up
the Dead) groups were there to
hector, jeer and spit.

After her son's birth, friends dropped
off and the circle of those who did not
know her gradually enlarged. “I felt
myself disappearing,” she said, “in
little pieces. If I became known
again, I would be a nonentity.”

 

Several other unknown sons survive
and have silenced their mother on
more than one occasion. She says,
“They do a lot they don’t want me
talking about.”

Government agents admit the father
of the unknown son, German Boxx, has
eluded them for years by living in
distant Belikin, but it is thought his
son's disinterment might bring him
out of obscurity.

For income, the boy's mother
receives unmarked bills and loose
change under the door.

The cost of the unknown son's
reburial (45,000 guida) will be
underwritten by BUD (Bodies Under
Dirt) Society of greater Wichita.

 

 

> i tke 4p th Be.

Sis he its chp ae the the the ths Se dhe Be he the he oh he és

 

 

 

{When i it’ $ over, that’ s it.

“virgil

 

 

  

OT ee ee ee ee TO

 

 

[cup Chew up the dead. A food for all co-op,