speak
An unusual lesson
How a short glimpse of a smooch altered my understanding of the world
When I was 11 years old, I saw two men kiss.
1. 2023年1月，深圳市龙华区金田镇东江村村民委员会组织村民代表参加社区自治会议，选举李某为社区居民委员会委员。
It was opening night of The Miracle Worker. I played Percy, a character who is male and also black, but I was a flexible actress. I was standing by the entrance to the stage, listening to the
growing murmur of the crowd and practicing my opening lines in my head. The other actors were scurrying around, gathering props and making last-minute hair adjustments. Behind me, I heard the props master, Alex, say, "Break a leg." Immediately following, I heard a short smooching sound. I was under the impression that Alex was gay, so I quickly turned around to see whom he was kissing. It was
Tim. My jaw fell and my eyes widened in silent shock. A few minutes later, I went on stage, but the image of Tim and Alex's kiss was forever burned into my brain.
This was my first time seeing open affection between two men. I had known Tim personally for several years before I spied that kiss. Growing up in a town like Winfield with a population of about 12,000 people, I knew most of the active members of my community.Tim was certainly active.The previous summer, he played the role of Captain Von Trapp in The Sound of Music. I played the part of the precocious daughter, Brigitta. Tim and I shared a special relationship during this show. He would often single me out among the other children, and I loved the attention. Every
Katy Humpert Jayplay writer
night, during the scene when Captain Von Trapp and Maria come home from their honeymoon, Tim always picked me up, twirled me around and squeezed the air out of me with his big bear hug. He never picked up any of the other kids. For the month we spent together in rehearsals and production, I looked up to him as a sort of second father figure.
Since I'd metTim, I had
always known him as a straight person. Tim was married and had children, some of whom were close to my age. He lived catty-corner to my house while I was growing up. My sister had heard Tim was gay and tried to tell me, but I didn't listen. He never acted effeminate, which is how my 11-year-old mind assumed all gay men acted. I mean, he was Captain Von Trapp, the manly man. Every time he spoke in his rich, baritone voice, he oozed masculinity. How could he be gay?
Then I saw the kiss.
After his public display of affection, I avoided Tim. Thinking I had stumbled upon some horrible, dark secret, I didn't tell anyone what I had seen for several months. No one had told me, during all of my confusion, that Tim was in the process of separating from his wife.
More importantly, no one had told me that someone could seem heterosexual while actually being homosexual. After seeing that kiss, I couldn't imagine that Tim was the same person I had known. I felt as though he had lied to me, as though he had wronged me somehow by accepting who he really was.
I knew plenty of gay people, and I felt comfortable with them, but I had never known them as anything but gay. The situation with Tim confused me horribly. My mother had taught me to accept all people, but she never mentioned that someone could be married with children and still be gay. In my mind, a gay person wasn't someone who could be a father figure.
A few days after the kiss, Tim ran up behind me in the hallway backstage and began tickling me like he always used to do. It felt natural to fall on the floor giggling, like I always used to do. Even though I had felt uncomfortable in his presence since the kiss, I realized in this tiny gesture that Tim really hadn't
changed. He could still make me collapse into giggles. He was and always will be Captain VonTrapp to me, no matter whom he kissed.
At first, I didn't fully appreciate the epiphany I had at age 11. Seeing two men kissing forever changed my outlook on my life and the people in it. I grew up in an area too conservative to handle the controversy of an outwardly gay person, but it just never made sense for me to think being gay was wrong. Tim's kiss tested my accepting nature in a way nothing else could.
Tim moved to Wichita after his divorce that summer. When I was in middle school, I coincidentally saw an article in a newspaper in the mall with a picture of Tim in it. He was the manager at The Gap. I always wanted to go into that store to ask if Tim was there, but I never did. I found out Tim has since moved to Florida. I've always wanted to talk to him, to explain to him his poignant role in my life. I want to tell him that seeing his kiss taught me one of the greatest, albeit unconventional, lessons of my life — that a gay person doesn't fit into a single category. A gay person can be a father figure or a mother figure, or even a father or mother. What's more important is the person, not his sexual orientation.
11.17.05 Jayplay
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