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have an intense feeling of aversion towards seeing genitalia or being touched. There is usually anxiety, fear or disgust when the opportunity to be sexual arises. Touching and kissing might even be avoided. For individuals suffering from Dyspareunia, sex can be painful. It is more prevalent in women, but it can happen in both sexes. The pain accompanied with sex can happen at any time during intercourse and it generally occurs around the pelvic region. If this pain continues over time, the person will have very little desire for any kind of sexual activity. Another disorder, Vaginismus, strictly affects women. It also involves pain that is so excruciating, that it is too painful for a woman to have sex. Her muscles contract not allowing for penetration.
It's your body, you decide
No matter if the decision to stay a virgin is a personal choice or a medical reason, it's tough to go against the pressures of our culture. The decision to stay a virgin can be harder to make with the sexual references and images that surround us. Cynthia Akagi, assistant professor of Health and Education, says that sex is too prominent in our society. She believes that sex plays an important and beneficial role in society, but by putting sex everywhere, we aren't allowing kids to be kids. Akagi says she is all for a well-done sex scene in
a movie, but she says that some of the sexual content is too inappropriate and ultimately, it is an adult activity.
Sometimes pressuring your partner into having sex can have long-term negative effects on a relationship. First, you have to find out why your partner wants to be a virgin. After that, Jane Greer, Ph.D, says you can figure out whether or not there is a possibility for compromise, such as oral sex. You have to understand where the other person is coming from before you can find a solution that works. Pressuring your partner to have sex is not the way to go. The traditional thought of waiting until your wedding night has also become hard to stick to with the added pressures from society to have sex. For some homosexuals, waiting for their wedding night would be nearly impossible. For Kyle Gray, Rantoul sophomore, waiting to lose his virginity until marriage won't work for him and his boyfriend. Gray has no clue when marriage will even be legal for homosexuals, so sharing himself with someone he loves is ok. Being a virgin is solely an individual decision for Akagi and he says that you have to stick to your guns for whatever decision you end up making.
Sometimes it's hard to see the positives of abstaining from sex because it's everywhere. But Akagi believes there are benefits to being a virgin. There are the obvious reasons of unwanted pregnancy and contraction of an STD
come if the lines of communication are open. You can turn sex from something uncomfortable to something extremely pleasurable for both people. Greer says that having a "sex class" with your partner can ease the worries of an inexperienced partner too. Touching, talking, using toys and actually trying all of it out can help the partner figure how to please the other person. After the inexperienced partner feels confident, both people will relax and can learn together.
or AIDS from intercourse. But by not throwing sex into the relationship, you get to see if you can actually stand each other out of the bed before you initiate physical contact. Akagi says that you are able to connect on another level before you even worry about how things will work out physically. By not having sex, Lovelady said he will have a respect from his partner and he will respect her. They will care enough about the other person's wishes and when the time is right, they will be able to learn together. By making sex a special act, Lovelady says that it will mean more when he actually does it. Sex won't just be about how many times he's done it. But there are some drawbacks to being a virgin. Akagi believes that sex is good for people and that if it is dealt with properly, sexual intimacy is a great part of life. It can actually help to nurture the relationship. Sex can be a great addition to a relationship, but Akagi says that it can become unhealthy when both partners aren't on the same page. Another part of the problem with waiting to have sex is the "40-year-old virgin" syndrome. You might be worried that because you've waited so long, potential partners will be a lot more experienced than you are. Even more, you will be so far behind that there really isn't any reason to try anymore. There is also the worry of humiliation at the prospect of revealing to your partner you're a virgin. Sexual inexperience, Greer said, can be over-
Whether you're heterosexual or homosexual, religious or not, virginity will play some role in your life. And making the decision to have sex is not as simple as deciding what to wear to school the next day. There are emotions involved that have to be taken into consideration. There are risks involved as a result of finally making that decision and you have to figure out if all of these risks are worth the reward. If thought about carefully with the best intentions for both (or all) people involved, sex can be a great addition to your life. But, if you decide not to have sex, that's OK too.