am a virgin. That's right, I said it. I have never had sex. I am not saving my virginity necessarily because of any certain belief or anything like that. Sex is just not on the top of my list of things to do. I have thought about sex before. It's hard not to when sexual references and images surround me in pretty much everything that I do. Sex is in the commercials, television shows, movies and music I hear and see every day. To be quite honest, I find the prospect of having sex quite daunting. Yeah, that may be the goody-two-shoes in me talking, but man, there are so many things you have to worry about. I mean, at least for the first time right? Do you have to know all the positions? You have to think about how you smell. You have to know whether or not you're any good at sex. You have to worry if your breath stinks. You have to worry if sex is going to hurt. You have to make sure your partner isn't taking advantage of you. You have to know the right place to put things.
I'm not the only person on campus who hasn't had sex, but because sex is so prominent in our society, people assume everyone is doing it. Studies show that plenty of kids are having sex. In one study done by the Department of Health and Human Services Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2003, almost 62 percent of seniors in high school had already had sex. Of the female seniors, more than 62 percent of them had had sex compared with about 61 percent of males. That means that by the time high school kids enter college less than half of them will not have had sex. The amount of people having sex increases as high school kids enter college. In another study done by the Center For Disease Control in 1995, almost 80 percent of college students ages 18 to 74 have had sex. That means that one in nine college students have not had sex. For whatever reason, religious otherwise, there are virgins on
virgin I've done...
hes losing your virginity
carries the times have
changed, so has the definition ginity. Mike Hardcastle, youth counselor, says that the loss of virginity originally was thought of as having sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex. Virginity was also thought of as something that was saved for the wedding night. Unfortunately with that definition, he says that a lot of people get left out of the loop. You can get away with having different types of sex and still call yourself a virgin. According to that definition, someone who is homosexual would never lose their virginity. People who performed oral sex on a regular basis would still be virgins as well. Penetration would be the only way to officially not be a virgin. Hardcastle says he believes that the definition of virginity needs an update. He defines the loss of virginity to be an intimate sexual act involving nudity and stimulation with the point of orgasm. It doesn't matter if you are heterosexual or homosexual, if you share your body with another person in an intimate way for both of you, you are no longer a virgin. Virginity is not something that you lose or something that gets taken. When you give yourself to another person, Hardcastle says that that is when virginity is gone. If you don't completely give it, it is not completely gone. For some homosexuals, an updated definition of virginity has already been implemented. Some people might think that homosexuals are virgins because they have never had heterosexual sex. But whether or not virginity is lost depends on the person. For Lawrence freshman Lauren Bornstein, her virginity is something that she wants to give to someone she cares deeply for. She views losing her virginity as involving a sexual act that both people in the relationship consider to be sex. Bornstein says that loving the same gender is no different than loving the opposite. If you care for someone, you care for someone. It doesn't matter whether or not the ones involved are of the same sex.
God and the doc
The decision on what constitutes
a sexual act differs between couples. For some people, losing their virginity can occur in oral sex. For others, it could be the act of penetration that allows them to lose their virginity. Jennifer McGinnis, Mound City senior, says she believes that when it comes to homosexuality, losing ones virginity depends on whom you talk to. There is a bit more of a gray area in homosexuality because it is subjective. McGinnis says that she considers sex as anything that can cause orgasm. For a lesbian to lose her virginity, McGinnis believes this happens the first time another girl ventures below the waistline. Lesbians do not have to have penetration in order to have sex. "I'm gay for a reason," she says. "I like girls. Penis not needed, nor wanted."
Come on, everybody's doing it
Some people stay virgins because they choose to. Figuring out when they want to give your virginity to someone else is based on a lot of factors. For some virgins, that decision to stay a virgin is based on religious reasons. Matt Lehrman, program director at Hillel, says that in Judaism, sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is a holy act. Sex is used to strengthen the bonds of marriage. For people of Jewish faith, Lehrman says that creating a family is one of the most important aspects of marriage. Obviously, sex plays a huge role in making a family, so making sure that the sex remains a holy act is key in raising a good family. As for premarital sex, Lehrman says that for some groups of Jews, it is strictly prohibited, but for other groups it is not. Christianity has a similar view on premarital sex. Paul Zimdars-Swartz, instructor of religious studies, says that for most traditionally-minded Christians, virginity is very highly valued. One of the major beliefs of why virginity is special to Christians, Zimdars-Swartz says, is because there is a lot of evidence that Jesus himself was celibate. St. Paul is also thought to have been a virgin and he believed that being abstinent and remaining unmarried was the best way to dedicate yourself to God. Some of these views still hold true today for conservative Christians. But similarly to Judaism, there are Christians that have premarital sex. Religion however, is not the only factor involved in the decision to stay a virgin. For Matt Lovelady, Bentonville, Ark. junior, his decision to stay a virgin is largely based on the fact that he has not met the right person to take that step with. Though he has not had sex, he says he thinks about it just like most college males. Lovelady has made the conscious choice to keep his virginity until he finds someone special. By already making up his mind that he is going to wait, he says that this allows him to have self-control in situations that may lead to sex. Virginity is special for Lovelady and he is looking for a girl who feels the same way. If they both decide that they are the right person for each other, they can share something special and learn together. It's hard being a virgin in a sexual society no matter who you are, but Lovelady says that males have a tougher time admitting that they are virgins because guys are all about quantity and not quality. In his experience, guys would rather talk about how many girls they can bag in one night. So sometimes it's hard for him to say that he has have never even gotten one. Some of Lovelady's friends do tease him about being a virgin, but he doesn't let it bother him. If he does have sex by the time he graduates from college or if he makes it through without getting laid, he doesn't care. He says he is able to withstand the pressures from his friends because he knows which decision is right for him.
Virgin good, virgin bad
For most people, the choice of being a virgin is their own decision. But for some people, there are medical problems that make that choice for people. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder is classified as the lack of sexual fantasies and desire to have sex. This decrease can often occur after a period of stress. People who have Sexual Aversion Disorder can
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