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I'm in a relationship, but a lot of my single friends complain to me about being single and how much it sucks and how they don't feel whole. I usually just tell them "your time will come." Is that rude?
-Shannon, Freshman
Brian: You're in a very tough spot Shannon. Remind yourself that sometimes the truth hurts. There is some reason why your friends are still single, whether it's that they completely distrust men or that they are too shy to ever talk to a
guy. What you are doing at least gives them a little glimpse of hope. Something I've noticed throughout relationships, is they are completely dependant upon two things: a person's self-esteem and a person's drive to succeed. Your girls telling you that they don't feel whole without a boyfriend is a sign that they aren't completely satisfied with themselves. Let them know that you refused to get into anything with your current beau until you were completely sure of yourself. It might drive them to fall in love with themselves. Also be sure you don't neglect them. As much as you love your boyfriend, your friends are in a much more fragile state than your relationship. Show them how good they are and soon you'll be doing double dates at the movies.
Jessica: You know how it feels when you have a wound and you accidentally place the band-aid over it so that the adhesive sticks and when it comes time to rip the mother-trucker off you feel excruciating pain? Yeah, that's what you just did to your inferior little single friends. I think it's careless because that line elevates you simply because you have someone and your life is somehow more "complete" than theirs. Why not say something like, "being in a relationship isn't the cure-all to life's ills. It takes a lot of maturity, self-disclosure and love to make it work. I think you're complete right now as is, and when he/she comes along, you're still going to be just as complete." There. That doesn't burn so much - not like the herpes.
I cannot get off from intercourse and my boyfriend thinks it's his fault. I tell him it's not his fault, so then I feel like there's something wrong with me. How do we work this out? I can have orgasms other ways, just not from sex. Chelsie, Junior
Jessica: Mmm. Gotta love that machismo complex, eh? So many guys have a problem with "getting the job done." They've been socialized to feel like they are these sexual pros who always complete the task at hand. Imagine that pressure? Poor guys. You need to set the record straight with your boyfriend by telling him that he is not actually "giving you an orgasm." He is merely a facilitator in the event of you giving
yourself an orgasm, because let's face it, you could get 'er done yourself. Also, clue him into the fact that most women (70%) don't get off from intercourse. This does not mean there is something wrong with you or any of these women. Unfortunately, the way our parts fit together doesn't exactly lend to easy o's for the ladies. Hopefully these tidbits take some of the pressure off both of you.
Brian: For guys, getting a girl to orgasm is like building an entire house with no help and no instructions. Considering there are so many intricate jobs to do, it's too easy to worry about one part too much and neglect something else. And, as much as we might not show it, we guys are sensitive creatures...for the most part. We know that just as much as we like to be satisfied, girls like to be satisfied as well. So when we can't do our job, it's discouraging. Make sure your boy toy knows that he isn't doing anything wrong. Just keep on working until you find the right activity to bring you to O-town. Consider adding some toys to playtime and research positions to give you better satisfaction. Maybe a change of routine will take your love life a step further.
With Brian Bratichak and Jessica Crowder Please send your questions to bitch@kansan.com
I realized I was gay three years ago and have been too afraid to come out to my parents. I've finally gotten the will to do it, but I'm afraid they will disown me. How should I approach them?
Theodore, Sophomore
Jessica: It's a matter of risk-taking. Imagine your life five years from now having told them. Think of all the possible scenarios within that five-year period after telling them. Now imagine not having told them. How are things different? Is it worth it to you? Will they really disown you or just snub you initially? I can't tell you what to do in this situation, but I can try to steer you in the right direction. Good luck.
Brian: I agree with Jessica. We can't tell you what to do, but hopefully we can steer you in the right direction. Another thing to consider is your relationship with your parents. If you are close to them, but just afraid to come out to them, they deserve to know. You should also consider the strength of the relationship you have with your parents. Only you know how your parents will react. This is your decision. I wish you well.
Mike Elliot and Jennifer Houghton
The quickest way to a woman's heart is by serenading them. It may be an old practice that you see in old romance movies and teen love movies but it still works today. Mike Elliot, Great Bend freshman is a member of Delta Upsilon and was outside the Alpha Chi Omega with the rest of his frat brothers singing to the girls. That's when Jennifer Houghton, Overland Park freshman
first saw him. Out of all the guys in the crowd she was taken by him. Later, Mike asked Jennifer to the Yell In, the Delta Upsilon's big party, and she accepted and "That it was" says Elliot. After that they went out for dinners and movies. They have been together for a week. Apparently the singing was THAT good.
- Chris Moore
10. 20.05 Jayplay
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