ninjas pirates
The new mutant ninja and the pirates who hate them.
By Kathryn Anderson, Jayplay writer
Until recently, I was under the impression that pirates and ninjas were figments of the past, only good for a crappy Halloween costume. I could not have been more wrong.
While wasting time looking at weird groups on Facebook, I noticed a pattern. I found: Ninjas or Pirates?, Pirates Only, Ninjas and Pirates Do Not Get Along, Pirates Forever, Pirates that Fuck Ninjas and I Love Ninjas with All of My Body (Including My Pee Pee), to name a few.
including My Pee Pee, so to say.
Who wouldn't be curious? So for the sake of my own nerdiness and to the benefit of your random curiosities, I did some research.
Thanks to a couple of Web sites, ninja and pirates have reclaimed their rank as the "It Boys" of pop culture.
David Warren, who looks like a normal guy, says he's definitely a ninja. The red-headed Wichita senior has little knowledge of ninjutsu and certainly is not Japanese. This obsession has little to dc with truth and a lot to do with Mortal Kombat-influenced violence and a loathing of the pirate. He says his obsession came from the site, www.real-
10| Jayplay 10.20.05
ultimatepower.net, a tribute to a little boy's ninja fantasy. The creator of the site calls himself Robert Hamburger and exercises a vocabulary that would make Napoleon Dynamite jealous.
REAL Ultimate Power is an encyclopedia of fabricated ninja information. According to Hamburger's site, there are three pertinent facts everybody must know about ninja: "Ninjas are mammals, ninjs fight ALL the time, the purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people."
Hamburger encourages his fans to submit "Ninja Sightings," inviting countless staged photographs of drunk college students in ninja garb "flipping out," (a ninja's favorite activity). In one photo, two ninjas climb a palm tree. In another, a fan proudly displays the REAL Ultimate Power logo, which is tattoed on his arm. Hamburger scores the submissions from one to 10, and even offered a $5 scholarship for the most badass ninja sighting.
In July 2004, Citadel published REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book by the infamous Robert Hamburger. Based on www.amazon.com customer reviews, the book earned four-and-a-
Hamburger's ninja can fly, stick to walls and expertly handle a sword. They're not always cruel, according to
half stars out of five, and it's already on its third printing. You can find it on www. amazon.com or at a local bookstore for about $10.
the site. But if you say you're a pirate, watch out. You are a ninja's enemy.
Pirate Cameron Cooke, Overland Park senior, isn't scared of any ninja. "They get throwing stars. I mean, yeah, they're cool and all, But I'm not buying it. They don't beat a
gun blast to the face of a nice cannonball right at you," he says.
Talk like a pirate
Cooke likes pirate names (he mentions Black Beard or Bearded Pete) and prefers frilly hats and a peg leg to a ninja's black pajamas. Cooke's not alone.
Ouzounian, who created the site and goes by "Maddox," says little about pirates on the site, but identifies himself as one. Using Microsoft Paint to illustrate social commentary, his self-likeness is always identifiable by an eyepatch. Ouzounian is currently writing a
Pirate lovers worldwide also have Internet inspiration. This Web site, www. thebestpageintheuniverse.net, recently received its 100 millionth visit. George
Aye: Yes
Shiver me timbers: an expression of surprise
Bucko: friend
Matey: close friend or co-worker
Scallywag: deceitful person
Grog: rum and water
Hornswaggie: to cheat
source: www.puzzlepirates.com
book, based on the site's content.
Cooke says pirates throw better parties, adding that he attended a pirate party recently. He says people wore pirate garb and enjoyed the booty. For more pirate information, check out the aforementioned
Facebook groups.
There's really no specific reason ninjas and pirates are enemies, it's just the way it is. So pirates get to have cool names and say "booty." But ninjas get pumped and stick to walls.
"I have a pirate tattoo on my shoulder;" one facebooker says."I don't have a ninja tattoo.I rest my case."
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