Illustration by Greg Griesenauer
Well ... maybe not
So I am going out tonight and I'm gonna get hammered. I'm talking about balls to the wall bloody drunk. I'll start out with a shot of tequila to get things
rolling. Then, we'll go one shot every 10 minutes for two hours. I'm going to wear a hot little number that barely holds my boobs, a mini skirt and a pair of black boots that come up past my knees. Yeah...Right. Like that will happen. There's no chance in the world because I am a goody-two-shoes.
Meghan Miller Jayplay writer
Since I can remember, I have always done what I was
told. I went to bed when I was supposed to, I did my homework, I never missed school and I never stayed out late. I just assumed that listening to your parents was something that every kid did because, like eating your vegetables, it was good for you. In high school, I played three sports and was in jazz band. Every day after school, I had practice to go to. This was my social life.
As I navigated through freshman year of high school, I realized that there was
a whole world out there I didn't know about. There were parties to go to, (boy, my mom would have flipped if I had gone to a party with no adult chaper-
ones) cigarettes to smoke, beers to bong and classes to skip. Yeah, that's what rebels did. This was my chance to live on the edge.
But I never did any of these things. Every time I even thought about doing something slightly risky, a little angel popped up on my shoulder and said "Meghan, would your parents approve of what you're doing? Someone could get hurt doing this and then you'd feel really bad." Damn that angel. She was always holding me back. My friends asked me once to go out to a movie during the week; but God forbid I should stay up past nine on a school night. College has been no better. I can't even remember the last time I went out dancing all night or exceeded the speed limit. Getting drunk and letting go is just a fantasy. I have to have the world record for the number of times I've been
to a bar sober. My friends don't even ask me anymore whether or not I want to go out because they know I'll say no.
I have been drunk once in my life; on my 21st birthday. My birthday was on Saturday, but we went out Friday so we could be at the bar the moment I turned legal at 12 a.m. I got completely smashed. By midnight, I couldn't even remember how many shots I had. I do remember puking. I was given a shot of tequila for my first "official" 21-year-old drink. I knew that would make me yarf, so I planted myself right by the trash can, took the shot and tossed my cookies over the side. After that, I was ready for another round. Apparently this is called "puke and rally." I had a fun-filled night of uncontrollable dancing and an attempt from a random guy to kiss me. That didn't work out though because good girls don't just kiss random guys. After the bar, I made my way home and fell asleep. I woke up twice to hurl. It was so golden yellow, I could have resold it to the tequila company. I couldn't go to the basketball game that day because loud noises hurt my head and I had a tough time keeping my burning
eyes open. Never doing that again.
I am content with my position as the goody-two-shoes. My friends always know there will be someone to pick them up after their nightly escapades. And yeah, sometimes they give me a hard time about it, but in the end, they always tell me how much they appreciate a safe, sober ride home. I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't wake up hung over. I always remember the stupid shit that all my friends do while they're drunk. I don't have to worry about saying or doing something I might regret. I know my friends are safe. I know that I am never going to call my parents in the middle of the night from the ER because I got hit in the head with a bottle at a bar. My friends know they're in a safe environment because I never do anything that could get us killed. And if I did get us killed, I have a list of emergency numbers to contact, extra money in case we needed fast cash and I always notify someone of our whereabouts in case everything does not go as planned. Yup, you can count on it.
10.06.05 Jayplay
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