FROM A DISTANCE How students cope with long-distance ships
By Jessie Fetterling jfetterling@kansan.com
Chase Weidman returned to the States one month ago from studying abroad in Leicester, England. He brought back the British skinny-jean fashion, a pendant for eating only vegetables, and a relationship that had never felt so perfect. The only problem is his boyfriend is now 5,000 miles away.
The last day Weideman, Omaha, Neb., senior saw his boyfriend, Andy, was Jan. 7 at London Heathrow Airport. Andy dropped him off and they said their goodbyes. Both cried, but they agreed to somehow make it work. Since then, they have found ways to keep in touch through Skype, a software program that allows users to make free telephone calls over the Internet. The couple also communicates through Facebook, e-mail or sometimes on the phone, and Weideman says they have interaction
of some sort every day. Of course, their relationship isn't exactly easy,
especially because of the six-hour time difference.
"For me, the most frustrating time is when I know I want to call him and I can't do it. Especially when I can't drunk-dial him, because I'm the king of drunk-dialing." Weideman says.
Caroline Adoliffson, Halmstad, Sweden senior, shares similar frustrations. She is studying in Lawrence for a semester, and before arriving at KU, Adoliffson lived with her boyfriend of four years, but
now the two only get to talk once a week on Skype and sometimes through text messages. What's most frustrating, Adolffson says, is that she and her boyfriend can't fully eliminate distractions, even during their once-a-week conversation. "I think our situation is a lot easier, though, because we've known each other for so long, and we trust each other," Adolffson
"You have to have the willingness to be together, but the courage to be apart." —Larry James
Larry james,professional speaker,author and relationship coach,says the key to a long-distance relationship is the couple's trust in each other."You can't have intimacy in a relationship unless you have absolute trust first," James says."If there's suspicions about what each other is doing,then it won't work."
Christine Maxwell, Overland Park senior, has faced the difficulties of a long-distance relationship since her boyfriend moved to Seattle when he graduated almost a year ago. Maxwell and her boyfriend started dating when she was a freshman
and he was a sophomore at the University. They used to see each other almost every day. Now, they see each other only four to six weeks.
All three students, of course, miss the cuddling, the phone calls and the face-to-face interaction that come with relationships in which distance isn't a big factor, but they've found ways to make their situations work by still communicating with their better halves
"The No. I problem in a relationship is a lack of communication," James says, "If something annoys you more than once or twice, you better talk about it."
James says that a long-distance relationship can be positive, though, because the couple has an opportunity to grow together while they're
apart with the hope of eventually being together. "You have to have the willingness to be together, but the courage to be apart." James says.
Weideman says he mainly misses the things he used to take for granted, such as playing "Guitar Hero" with his boyfriend or waiting at the bus stop together. "I'm trying to be more easygoing." Weideman says. "It's a good thing to not always get whatever I want whenever I want it."
All three students say they will eventually be reunited with their significant others. Weideman plans to move to England for work (and now for his boyfriend) soon after he graduates. Adolffson will get to see her boyfriend again mid-May after her studying in Lawrence is done, and Maxwell plans to move to Seattle after she graduates.
For now, though. Weideman says he can appreciate just a two-line Facebook message from his boyfriend in the morning to make his day a little better. After all, it's the little things that keep his relationship going, and in any relationship, that's usually all it takes.
04 02.07.2008 VOL.5 ISS.19 for more information:
www.longdistancerelationships.net photo illustration by Alex Bonham Carter