OPINION
7A
MONDAY, JANUARY 28 2008
MONDAY, JANUARY 28, 2008
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
COMMENTARY
Recession needs new definition
Lately, I can't turn on a television without having a pundit scream at me that the world is heading for a recession, and as any student of philosophy will vouch, when a majority of pundits agree on something, that makes it true. But what does the word "recession" mean? I have vague grade-school memories of endless monotony that mercifully ended when the teacher said, "OK, class, now it's recession time." And then
I got to climb on the monkey bars.
Aren't recessions fun?
No, in fact, recessions are not fun, and you should be ashed to ask such a foolish question. Everyone around you now thinks a little bit less of you (and you thought that wasn't possible).
Recessions are like a junior high dance when the DJ plays a slow song: Everyone knows they don't want to stand near the wall with their friends, but that's what they end up doing anyway. Ronald Reagan quipped that a recession was when your neighbor lost his job and a depression was when you lost yours, and then he orchestrated the Reagan Recession of 1982, in part so that my family would move to Los Angeles. (Thanks, Ron!)
Around the world, recession means different things. It might
mean famine or homelessness. Here in America, it means something else. As Darion Hammie recently told the Wall Street Journal, it means shopping at regular grocery stores instead of Whole Foods, a natural foods grocer. "I have to make choices I never thought I would have to make," she said.
Others who are feeling the pinch are avatars, digital characters made by online users. A run on banks in Second Life, a ultimate universe for avatars, has prompted the controlling company to close all banking operations. Kenyans and Indonesians were too busy wiping tears of laughter from their eyes to comment.
Ambrosia Ortiz, a University of New Mexico student protesting the rising cost of birth control, told local television station KRQE her reason for caring for other women was "so
they don't have to make a choice between their birth control and their cell phone bill or their birth control and their gym membership. These are choices that women shouldn't have to make."
It seems Ortiz has taken Franklin Roosevelt's freedom from want to its logical end. Why make choices between such life-sustaining staples as cell phones, gym memberships, and birth control? Why not have them all? Most American college students probably think "scarcity" is a means of evaluating a horror movie's ability to create fear.
America is an incredibly prosperous nation, and I am grateful that I enjoy so many benefits of that prosperity. But I at least have the presence of mind to not complain about how hard it is for me to watch standard definition television
or drive a seven-year-old car. Having to shop at Aldi shouldn't qualify as an economic hardship, and wearing jeans from Wal-Mart, no matter how embarrassingly pedestrian you might think it is, would still be considered embarrassingly decadent in most of the world.
We cry for our avatars we can't afford to feed, but our dry eyes blink incomprehensibly to the plight of Africans and Asians who can't feed their children. Then we turn the channel to "American Idol" and seethe at its availability in HDTV and our television's incompatibility.
American recessions are unlike recessions anywhere else on earth.
Minster is a Lawrence senior in economics.
From the Drawing Board
COMMENTARY
All signs point to apocalypse
Struqqling economics and political instability inspires one columnists to spread word
Dear reader.
There are numerous trenas throughout the reaches of society that, in unison point, to a simple and inevitable conclusion. The truth is, my friends, that the end of days is upon us. Let us consider the evidence.
I contain herein a warning of things to come based on a combination of observations of the present and beliefs my people have held many, many weeks. It should be
noted that this combination does amount to little more than speculation, and some would say that of an idiot. But I believe it is important that others know.
ity. Our stock market has recently been dropping by hundreds of points a day, while those of other countries have been dropping by as much as ten percent a day. Everyone's talking about how terrible the real estate market has been since the bottom dropped out. I don't really understand what they're talking about, but I do know that it is bad thing.
As most of us have noticed, the financial realm is not looking too good. The currency of the world's strongest nation is just dripdropping into the lower reaches of acceptibil-
Aside from the economic strangeness afflicting the world recently, political instability is also experiencing a hay day. We've got radical Islam stirring things up in the Middle East and parts of Asia. Since the Soviet Union fell and took the two world
power system with it, there has been a global distribution and transformation of power. In the absence of the old way, countries such as China and India are becoming increasingly prominent, while countries like Iran and North Korea merely seem to be throwing their various wrenches into the system. Not to mention all of the above mentioned countries have nuclear weapons, except for Iran, yet. There is an increase in nationalist extremism. Between pro-russian rallies, glorifying Vladimir Putin with banners and chanting, and Toby Keith songs we live in a political tinderbox.
With this foreboding collusion of technology, passion, and desperation, it's hard to deny that it looks like we are all going to die. 72 percent of us. Or some other arbitrary number. Either way, I hope you will all be prepared. I also hope that the ghost of Philip K. Dick will finally let me go to sleep.
My point is that I think the world looks like it's ending.
White is a Colorado Springs, Col., junior in journalism.
And then everyone in her hall heard it as well.
Visit Kansan.com and add the Facebook application, "University Daily Kansan," to start contributing.
--ina.
I heard her roommate was in the room as well.
If it was that good, I wouldn't be embarrassed at all!
--ina.
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Rock Chalk Javhawk!
Oh man, do you know what's good? Homemade Chex mix! Oh yeah. My mom makes this awesome southwest blend that's a little bit spicier. Good
stuff.
College students and liberal arts professors make me want to graduate more than ever, get a real job and a real profession. Liberal arts is for people who can't make it in the real world.
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smoke it.
Barack Obama's church is anti-jew. The Clinton and John Kerry are anti-gay, pro-money. Pro-establishment get elected. Put that in your pipe, and
Fred Phelps is a liberal democrat, Google it. The Clintons and Al Gore are staunch supporters of him. On top of that, John Kerry dropped his gay marriage views in support of Phelps.
--teams
My ex-girlfriend goes to Nebraska, and she sinks in bed almost as bad as Nebraska's ball
---
Give me back my dry-erase marker!
---
It's pterodactyl.
I like girls with red hair, too.
I really am questioning the intelligence of the people who now "write-in" to Free For All.
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