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Roommates Are they worth it?
Why it's not always bad to be a loner
Don't assume a messy friend will change her ways just because you've moved in.
4. By Daniel Reyes dreyes@kansan.com
A decision most college students must make is whether to live alone or with a roommate. For many reasons, ranging from having a companion to having cheaper rent, most students choose to live with a roommate. However, a large number of students do not adequately assess what living with a roommate means and thus jump into the situation unprepared.
One senior says she had known her roommates for a few years before moving in with them, yet her roommates' actions went from being considerate and orderly to thoughtless and untidy once she moved in with them.
"They're loud all the time, so it's hard to study," she says. "They leave their cups, plates, clothes and personal belongings in all the common areas of the apartment."
"No one's going to magically change just because it's you," Cohen says. "A lot of the times the past is an indication of what you can expect. You look at that person and say, 'Is this a person who's going to give a shit if my feelings are hurt?'
When people move in together without knowing each other, they initially try to be a good roommate. Cohen says. However, reality soon sets in and you catch a glimpse of your roommate's true personality, as one junior found out after moving in with three girls she met through Facebook.
Problems usually arise when roommates overlook important indicators as to the type of person they will be living with, says Harlan Cohen, author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College. Cohen warns that if someone has had past trouble maintaining healthy relationships with roommates, it's likely to remain the same.
"The first month was really fun. We partied a lot," she says. "From there it was all downhill."
Cohen, also founder of www. thenakedroommate.com, says the majority of conflicts between roommates stem from the inability to effectively communicate issues when they arise. Cohen says this is because there is a misconception that sharing honest
feelings about displeasure is a bad thing.
"Most people say they don't like conflict," Cohen says. "They don't want to live in a situation where someone doesn't like them. Instead of sharing, someone will tell everyone else how they feel rather than express themselves to their roommate about what pisses them off."
"My entire day revolves around avoiding my home," a junior says. "I'm never there. I go everywhere before I go home."
When problems are not addressed, an uncomfortable atmosphere arises, one in which people will go to great lengths to avoid a confrontation.
Living with roommates, however, is not all bad. Steven Fevern, Overland Park
senior, has lived with roommates since his freshman year. Fallon first lived in the dorms with three guys he had never met, and now, all four of them live in an off-campus house.
"We know each other well," Fallon says. "We know what we can and can't say to each other. We all understand the things that need to go on in the house to keep it clean, keep it running."
Setting standards for a proper living environment off the bat is something that Cohen says is important.
"You need to set ground rules early," Cohen says. "You have to know that people are going to take care of different jobs. Otherwise, once you're living together, it can be hell and you end up losing those friends. You've got to be
able to talk about it before you sign that lease.
After living more than two years alone in an environment she says she loved, Jenny Reed bought a house, an investment that required finding roommates.
Reed, Leawood junior, says she bought a home because she thought paying rent was "like throwing your money away." Reed says that from day one, she and her roommates set rules to avoid bickering about petty issues like cleaning up.
"We haven't really fought about it," Reed says. "We've just mentioned it like, 'Hey you need to pick up your stuff.' Common areas need to stay somewhat clean. Rooms are another thing. You can do whatever."
Cohen offers advice that might seem a bit odd: "Your first year, you're better off living with a stranger," he says. "If you don't get along, you end up not being friends with someone you don't know."
In the quest to decide whether to live alone or with roommates, Don offers a final bit of advice. "It's worth it," he says. "Everybody should live with somebody when they're in college, because the learning experience it presents you is enormous. You learn to deal with someone who has a different schedule and opinion than you. Going out to the real world, you need to have those skills, anyway, so why not just do it in the most realistic form?"
When deciding who to move in with,
10 01.17.2008 VOL.5 ISS.16
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photo illustration by: Lisa Lipovac