hilltopics
culture society entertainment health
Friday, April 7, 2000
6A
AFTER 18 YEARS OF WONDERING, JEFF NIVENS DECIDED HE HAD TO KNOW WHAT HIS PARENTS LOOKED LIKE. SO HE WENT TO THE VITAL STATISTICS OFFICE IN TOPEKA AND PICKED UP His BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
"I WAS REALLY INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT HOW I GOT MY PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS," NIVENS SAID. "I ALSO WANTED TO KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES AS TO WHY I WAS GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION."
Story by Kami Bremyer
According to the National Adoption Informatin Clear inghouse approximately 127,500 children are adopted in the United States each year. Growing
Rip Howe, Topeka senior,
left, poses with his brother.
Howe, who is adopted,
eight inches shorter than his
brother, who is not adapted.
Contributed photo
Nivens, an Overland Park sophomore, said his family life had been pretty normal growing up. He lived with his mom, dad and older brother, Jason, who is also adopted but from different parents. Nivens said many of his peers had been surprised when he told them he was adopted. But he said he didn't think being adopted was a big deal.
Until his 18th birthday, Nivens never ever gave a second thought to being adopted. He then began to question not just what his birth parents looked like, but who they were and why he was given up for adoption.
It is normal for young people to question their identity, said Pam Botts, associate director of Counseling and Psychological Services at Watkins Memorial Health Cen-
adopted in the United States each year growing up in an adoptive family, children often have many unanswered questions about their heritage and why they were given up for adoption.
ter.
Rip Howe, Topeka senior, was also adopted at birth and began wondering about his birth parents' identities when he was a sophomore in high school. Howe, who is eight inches shorter than his brother, who is not adopted, also was curious to know about the physical characteristics of his parents.
"When students reach college age, it is a natural time to think about who you are, where you came from and where you are going," Botts said.
Howe was told by his parents that he was born in Topeka so he didn't think that it would be difficult to find his birth mother. But after seriously considering trying to find her, he changed his mind.
Students who are adopted may question their identity and their heritage more than others she said.
parents," Howe said. "I decided finding her may cause more harm than good."
Botts said that people who were adopted and considering trying to find their birth parents must realistically prepare themselves for what they could find out.
"Hopes and wishes that are little understood can be disappointing and quite painful." Botts said.
In some scenarios, the birth parents are eager to be found and to become an active part of the child's life. But
in other situations birth parents do not even want to be contacted.
If the birth mother or father definitely wants to be involved in the child's life, an open adoption can be selected. In an open adoption, adopted children are told their birth parents are, and the birth parents have the privilege of visiting the child.
Jon Young, resource center coordinator for American Adoptions in Overland Park, said that only five percent of adoptions were open.
The majority of adoptions today are semi-open, meaning the birth mother or father can receive information about the child through updates and photos that the adoptive family has the option of sending to the agency. The agency acts as a liaison between the birth family and the adoptive family.
Both Nivens and Howe were a part of closed adoptions. Closed adoptions make up about 15-20 percent of adoptions today, Young said. In a closed adoption, the adoptive family usually only knows the physical characteristics and family history of the birth parents. If children of closed adoptions want to find out the identity of their birth parents, they must go through the county where the adoption was processed.
At the time of the adoption, the birth mother and father have the option to release information in the adoption file to the child when he or she reaches the age of 18. If the birth parents do consent, either through court records or the adoption agency, the adopted child can receive a genetic, medical and social history form that his or her parents completed at the time of the adoption.
The form includes information such as height, weight and family medical background. Parents also have the option of including their interests or anything they would like the child to know. Birth parents can also write a letter to the child to be sealed with the adoption file.
Each state decides whether these documents will be released. Kansas and Alaska are the only states with the policy that court records will be made available to adopted persons on their 18th birthday.
If Lauren Evon, Omaha, Neb., freshman, wanted to find out the identity of her birth parents it would be far more difficult than going to the state records office. Born in Seoul, South Korea, Evon was abandoned by her birth mother when she was 9 months old and put up for adoption.
Evon's adoptive parents had been on a waiting list for more than a year and had almost given up hope when they received pictures of Lauren. The Evons immediately decided to adopt Lauren, and she was brought to the United States through an international adoption agency.
Evon said that her mother always wanted to adopt because her mother and her mother's brother and sister all were adopted from different birth families. Evon said holidays were always fun because her family had such a
neat mix of people.
The only time Evan ever wondered about her heritage was in a high school genetics class when she was asked to determine how she received certain physical traits by analyzing her parents' family
Jeff Nivens, Overland Park sophomore, left, and his brother, Jason, smile for the camera. Nivens, who is adopted, is in the process of searching for his birth mother. Contributed photo
She is content only knowing the parents that raised her, but Evan said that at some point in her life she would like to visit Korea to see where she was born and to better understand the culture of her birth country.
grees. Even said that she did an alternative project instead and that it didn't really bother her.
Nivens, though, isn't satisfied not knowing who his birth mother is or the reason she gave him up. After acquiring his birth certificate, he contacted the agency that handled his adoption. Because he is 19, the agency released a number of documents telling him his birth parents' physical characteristics, including their interests and races.
Nivens found out that his birth mother was one-quarter Native American and that he has nearly the same build as his birth father. The most interesting document for him was the explanation from his birth mother telling why she gave him up. In the report she wrote numerous times that she wanted to do what was best for her child. She was only 17 when she gave birth.
Nivens said he found peace of mind in knowing why his mother put him up for adoption.
"I now understand why she did what she did," he said. "I think it was probably for the best."
the documents Nivens received from the agency also included the name of his birth mother at the time of the adoption. He tried finding her through various search sites on the Internet but wasn't successful. The agency can't release her current name, address or telephone number without her consent.
nwens has been calling the adoption agency for the last few weeks hoping it has located her, but so far he hasn't had any luck.
Since beginning his search, he has been sensitive to his parents' feelings about wanting to find out more about his birth mother.
"At first I didn't tell my mother because I didn't want to hurt her." Nivens said.
But since then he has spoken with his mother about the search, and she has been supportive, he said. She told him that his birth mother had tried to contact him when he was 1.2 and then when he was 1.8, but his parents had decided not to tell him at the time.
This encouraged Nivens that he may someday find her. But if he is able to find her, he is not sure whether he wants to actually speak with her.
"If I do make contact, it will probably be by letter," Nivens said. "I want to take it really slow. I am not sure I am ready for her to become a part of my life."