Section A · Page 6
The University Daily Kansan
Monday, November 1, 1999
Photo illustration by Eric Schirmann/KANSAN
Even in 1990s, Lawrence couples face disapproval
Continued from page 1A
lived through some of these experiences.
Pia Thielmann, a program assistant in the Department of African and African-American studies and a native of Germany who is White, has dated several African-American men. She said she had seen racism in Lawrence and on campus. Thielmann's ex-boyfriend once was cursed at on the streets of Lawrence, and they were often given bad seating in restaurants. She also witnessed racism first-hand
She also witnessed racism first-hand on a vacation in New Orleans.
"We thought maybe that would be a place where interracial couples were not such a big deal," she said. "Well, a total stranger on the street yelled at me, called me a nigger-whore."
Students involved in these relationships said they witnessed similar attitudes every day on campus.
"If you talk to Black and Hispanic and Native persons on this campus at anything other than a superficial level, they will say: 'Well, the racism isn't that obvious, but it's there, and it's very subtle. It's just cuter and it's slicker, but it's there and it hurts just as much,' " Dailey said. "A look of disapproval can be just as painful as someone yelling 'nigger.'"
The family's disapproval
Dion Jones, St. Croix senior, was the president of the Black Student Union last year and was awarded the Nelson Mandela award at the Big 12 Conference on Black Student Government. He was student senator for three years and is the Iota Phi Theta fraternity president.
But when Jones began to date a KU junior who was White, her parents were far from admiring.
"They threatened to cut her allowance off, wouldn't pay for her school, told her that if she kept it up, it was going to come with consequences," he said.
He never met his now ex-girlfriend's parents,but his accomplishments and his character would not have made a difference.
"Her parents didn't care," he said. "None of that mattered. It was pretty obvious by comments her mom made. It was just a Black issue."
Jones, Budig and many other students who were involved in these kinds of relationships said family disapproval was a stress.
Disapproval is not limited to White families.
"Black parents can be just as concerned, angry, confused about their children dating outside their race as White parents can be." Dailey said. "All its bolts down to that business of how we tolerate differences."
Marques Peterson, O'Fallon, III., junior and African American, said his parents sometimes would disagree with his choice to date women who were White.
"I grew up in an all-White neighborhood so my parents kind of expected it, but they obviously wanted me to marry a Black person because they thought it'd be easier in life."
Parents, however, said they could disapprove of their children dating and marrying interracially without being racist.
Chris Clark, of Conway Springs, who is White and a father of two KU students, said that there were problems with dating a person of another race. Grandchildren, for example, would be in a confused culture that's not accepted by either race. He said that as a parent, he would be upset if his children dated someone of another race.
"I would've thought they'd known better," Clark said. "It would bother me, but I guess a man would have to learn to accept it."
Change of acceptance, not of attitudes
Many students agreed that, although laws have changed since the civil rights wars of their parents' generation, attitudes have not.
"Back in the '50s, a brother would've gotten lynched for just looking at a White woman," Dion Jones said. "Now people can't treat you like that. They can still have those same attitudes, but they just can't express it as bad as they want to."
Dailey agreed.
"If an interracial couple walks down Wescoe Beach, it is very unlikely that someone's going to yell out. 'What's the matter with you, nigger?' or 'Keep your hands off that woman, you niger.' Very unlikely," he said. "But will that be the feeling in many people's hearts? Yes ma'am."
"Racism has become more subtle," she said. "That doesn't mean it's become less. What people have in their heads is still there. It has changed, but it hasn't become better."
Thielmann said that although people often don't express their disapproval, racist attitudes still were there.
Peterson said the racist mentality was still alive in the hearts of the previous generation and breathing every day.
"Things have changed for the better, but it's still a problem because our parents grew up in that era," he said. "They grew up in the times of the past, and it's us who are growing up a product of that past."
Hope for the future
Despite the disapproval of the previous generation, times are changing, KU students said.
The number of interracial marriages has increased. In fact, the number of Black-White marriages quadrupled in the past two decades, according to a 1995 Washington Post survey.
The survey also found that two out of three people under the age of 35 said they would marry a person from another race. Only one in three older than 40 agreed.
The younger generation also is more accepting of interracial dating. A 1997 USA Today/Gallup Poll survey found that 57 percent of teens who have been on dates have dated outside of their
race. In 1980, only 17 percent had dated a person of another race.
"I think people are a lot more open-minded than they used to be," said Elizabeth Boldridge, a Lawrence sophomore and African American who has dated men who were White. "If they are going to be in a relationship with someone, they're going to be in a relationship with someone, and they're not going to let race get in the way of that."
Teresa Stauffer, Baxter Springs senior who is White and is dating a man who is Black, said changes were occurring in her peers' generation.
"I think it's an issue of the generation gap," she said. "You grow up with different people from different cul-
tures every day now. Our parents, possibly, didn't get a lot of that."
Although they encounter unique stresses, these relationships can lead to marriages that can and do work out. Interracial married couples have the same divorce rate as other couples, Dailey said. To survive, couples must be aware of the stresses and be prepared to handle them, he said.
Stauffer said communication was key in her relationship.
"We talked about it and that if we really want to be together, then that stuff isn't going to matter," she said.
Thielmann said she and her boyfriend would talk about the stereotypes and problems they would encounter as an interracial couple.
"I kind of had the feeling that it made us stronger, the two of us against the world," she said. "We talked about things, and we didn't turn against each other. We knew it wasn't us."
Interracial marriage noticed in society, disregarded in home
By Amber Stuever
writer@kansan.com
Kansan staff writer
On a fall Saturday afternoon, Cardell Edwards, an African American, Olivia Edwards, a Mexican American, and three of their five children jab toothy smiles out of jack-o'-lanterns at their dining room table.
Inside their home, race differences do not matter.
"It makes a difference." Cardell said. "It shouldn't matter, but it does. Things are going to be different."
But when faced with society, this family, which combines African-American, Mexican-American and Caucasian cultures into one household, said race did matter.
Cardell and Olivia, who have been in interracial marriages before, have been married for a little more than a year. Cardell, Watkins Memorial Health Center office assistant, was previously married to a Caucasian. Olivia, who works for Kansas Social and Rehabilitation Services, was married to an African American. Their children each have roots in two of the three races.
Olivia and Cardell usually forget that their marriage and their family are "different" until someone else brings it up, the couple said.
"Or until someone makes a rude gesture in public," Olivia said. "And it does happen. Maybe I'm more self-conscience, I don't know. But it's here, it's in Lawrence."
Olivia said her children, ages 5 through 14, faced questions and comments at school.
"I wonder about my kids," she said. "They're mixed. There's no other way to address it. They're mixed, and what's it going to be like when they're older?"
Olivia and Cardell both agreed that racism still was alive in Lawrence. They said stares and differential treatment in grocery stores and restaurants were not uncommon.
"I think it's a shame that people are like that," Olivia said. "There's way too much to worry about in this world."
Cardell said he believed people reacted the same way to interracial marriages as they did to interracial dating. Olivia, however, said marriage tended to intensify racist attitudes.
"From my family's reaction, dating probably was OK if they had to deal with it," she said. "But god forbid you marry him and make it permanent."
The couple offered advice to interracial couples who were beginning a relationship.
"Know that you're starting out as a struggle," Cardell said. "Because you're interracial, you're starting out with a strike against you already, and you do have to be strong enough to deal with that."
Olivia agreed that no matter how happy the home was, couples must be prepared to face society.
"I think what they need to know is, even in 1999, going on the new millennium, racism is out there," she said. "No matter how old you are, how rich you are, how educated you are, it's going to be there always. So accept it and live for yourself."
Edited by Katrina Hull
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