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Entertainment
Wednesday
July 7, 1999
Section:
A
Page 10
WWW.KANSAN.COM
Commentary
Of mints and men: Wedding survival guide for guys
The University of Kansas does not offer a class explicitly on weddings.
Dennis Dalley's sex class — he's a social welfare professor — covers relationships. But for many college men, the intricacies of the wedding ceremony are blurred childhood memories of cake and mints.
Experience or no, many undergraduate men will be asking their roommates and close friends to assist them as they marry women they met in freshman English class.
I've attended 25 traditional church weddings since 1991. From my experiences and observations, I've gleaned the following rules for men in weddings:
1. Show up on time
2. Look good in your tuxedo.
if you tu we're told.
3. Do what you're told
4. Reread No. 3.
Of course, specific roles require different instructions.
Ring bearers (and their accompanying flower girls) are the epitome of cuteness.
They absorb few instructions other than "Son, please walk down that long, scary aisle to the front of the church and Grandma will give you some candy."
For my uncle Galen and aunt Lynette's 1977 wedding, I had my first haircut at a barbershop. It was a traumatic
experience for a 4-year-old
Usher
Usheres do the grunt work at weddings. Good ushers nud and say, "yes," when one of the mothers makes a request. They nod and say, "yes," again, when the other mother makes a contrary suggestion.
They ask people whether they want to sit on the bride or groom's side and then even-out the sides when either the bride or groom has a larger family.
Friedrichs Kansan editor
Groomsman
And ushers sweat a lot. In 1995, Rick and Shelley Smith were married in Fairview in a dinky church. The other usher and I stood with our backs against the door, hoping nobody arrived late because we had filled the last available seat in the church.
Usher's make sure the important people — grandparents, great aunts and close family friends — sit close to the front.
Groommen are window-dressing meant to provide balance to the bridesmaids. Groommen should review the four, previously mentioned rules and be prepared for the flashburn from a zillion pictures.
Single groomsmen also spend much of their time speculating on the marital status of the bridesmaids and every other attractive woman in the church.
Best man
The best man, often the groom's brother or best friend, has multiple responsibilities.
He usually arranges a "social" outing — the bachelor party — that includes the groom, male members of the wedding party, friends and hangers on.
The best man stands directly to the groom's right (as the groom faces the altar) and tries not to lose the rings.
The best man also attempts a toast at the wedding reception — after consuming several drinks in rapid succession.
Groom
I know nothing about being the groom. You're on your own.
Don't worry too much. Just open your checkbook and smile in the pictures...
Father (for our readers with grown children)
Priest/pastor/officiant (not always a male role)
Refer to your favorite divinity school.
Friedrichs is a Brenen graduate student in journalism. He has been a bartender twice, a groomsman twice and an usher five times. Saturday he will attend a wedding in Baumont, Texas.
Couples who have as much of a love for theUniversity of Kansas as for each other can hold their wedding at Danforth Chapel. Photo by Jamie Roper/KANSAN
Going to the chapel
Many options are open for brides
Juior Marta Erazmus and graduate Aidrich Frazier cut their dina cake at the reception. Photo by Joseph Griffin/KANSAN
By Katie Burford
Kansan campus editor
Every married friend I have gives me the same advice—elope.
After hearing the trials and tribulations of planning a wedding, I tend to agree.
Stacee Martin, a wedding consultant with Liz Karrr Catering, said that between six and nine months were required to plan proper nuptials.
Martin ticked of the "To Do" list for the bride-to-be (and yes, it's usually the bride doing the planning because, traditionally, it's her family who is paying.):
1. Set a date
2. Choose a location for
2. Choose a location for the reception and ceremony
3. Arrange for the caterer, florist and photographer
4. Choose a wedding gown and bridesmaids' dresses
6. Plan the reception
And so on. Most of this has to be done between 9 and 5 Monday to Friday because that's when places are open. In my opinion, the Internet hasn't got anything on wedding planning when it comes to work hours wasted. That's why its good to be gainfully employed before any questions get popped.
Speaking of the Internet, there are planning resources a-plenty to be found online. Go to
http://dir.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Weddings/ and you can plan, register for wedding gifts, find wedding chat rooms, answer your wedding etiquette questions and more. Modern Bride, indeed!
Besides all the planning, the 'Big Day' usually comes with a hefty price tag.
Even more quaint and also cost-free is KU's Danforth Chapel. There is no charge for using the chapel, which may be why it sees so much traffic. During peak wedding season, up to three weddings a day are performed thereon Saturdays and Sundays, said Danny Kaiser, director of the Organizations and Leadership Center.
a shoestring budget. The local courthouse is always an option.
Martin said that the least she had planned a wedding for was $3,000 and the most was $30,000.
Moving up the price scale,
Connie Detweiler, event coordinator for the Circle S Guest Ranch & Country Inn, said that they did rehearsal dinners, and smaller, less-formal weddings. She said that providing a rustic, yet romantic, honeymono suite for the newlyweds to spend their first night together was their specialty.
Nonetheless, the knot is still tied, even if it's done on
Martin said that people often consider crazy ideas but rarely follow through.
While much of wedding planning is a question of personal style, tradition blavs a big part.
"Everyone starts out that way but usually falls in the traditional style." she said.
For some, planning a wedding can be a chance to savor each step toward the commitment they are about to take. For others, myself included, chewing on aluminum foil for a couple of days sounds like more fun.
Martin, who was married three years ago, said she loved it.
"To me it is a passion. It's so much fun because you are helping people who are in love," she said. "I enjoy the beauty of it."
I enjoy the beauty too—
the free food and drinks
aren't bad either. I've got no
problem with weddings at
all ... as long as they aren't
mine.
Commentary
Weddings are bliss but life is the test
But wait.
Weddings, hearts a flutter, shoes shining, dresses puffed and pressed, tuxedos and cummerbunds joining in the best-dressed look of the day. At first glance, all's perfect.
There's hesitation in the bride's step, and her father looks like he'd wants to pull her from the aisle and usher her out the door. The flower girl is wiping her nose on the sleeve of her organdy dress and the ring bearer has tripped and scraped his knee. The little bags of birdseed have fallen off the table, the icing on the cake droops in the July heat, the organist plays a wrong note and the congregation stands to watch the bride.
The groom awaits.
To the c a s u l o l observer who still believes in fairy tales, the life ahead will be full of love, romance and mirth. But to the rest, the ones who have been on
Lisa
John
Kansan managing editor
the path where the bride and groom now are beginning to tread, the life ahead is laced with pitfalls.
Those who have been there know all too well that however loving and romantic the intentions, preconceived notions enter this equation. Starry eyes and sweet nothings soon will be interrupted by details of everyday life: Who makes the bed, who cooks dinner, who does the laundry, who takes the cars for oil changes, who sleeps on the couch if the other one sores, who mows the yard, who pays the bills out of whose salaries, who mails the bills. It's an endless road of twists and turns.
Just when they think they've finally gotten everything straight, they reach another turn.
He likes to travel to Europe, she likes a cozy bed-and-breakfast an hour from home. He takes up hunting, she takes up vegetarianism. He wants to save for a cabin in the mountains, she wants to save for a new and bigger house in the suburbs. He never takes a vacation without packing a fishing rod, she never wants to see a fishing rod again.
And then there's children, the little bundles of joy that come home from the hospital in a hush of lullabies and love. The little bundles of joy that, when they are about eight months, begin to not only talk, but
See MARRIAGE on page 8A
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