Wescoewit
[Oh, you guys say some of the darndest things. ]
Not to make you all scared, but we're eavesdropping on your conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don't worry if you say something stupid, we won't identify you -- unless you owe us money or beer.
Guy 1: Did you see that guy?
Guy 2: Yeah.
Guy 1: He was right on my ass!
Guy 2: He was kind of up on it and stuff.
Guy 1: So, what did he say?
Guy 2: I don't know ... he said he was a piece of crap and stuff ... someone's going to have to pay. George Bush is going to have to pay.
Girl: (on cell phone) Yeah, and you know where I keep it.
Girl: Yeah, and you were making me hold all of it.
Girl: (laughing) Those are memories you don't forget. Those are memories I'll take with me for a lifetime.
—Robert Perkins
Special Student Senate edition
Five questions
Elaine Jardon Olathe junior, Delta Force
Nick
Sterner
Shawnee
junior,
KUnited
Dennis Chanay
Paola fresh man, Student Voice
What's the nicest thing anyone has ever sold to you?
Jardon: Stephanie (asking her running mate), what's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me? Oh yeah. When someone said that I was smaller than they thought I'd be. They expected me to be more blueberry-shaped.
Sterner: That's a tough one. My parents, when I turned 21, my mom wrote me a birthday card that kind of described what I meant to them. I still have it.
Chaney: Oh man, that's hard. (Calls his sister on his cell phone) Just say something...that's it? It has to be the nicest thing ever! Shut up and say something nice! "You're very responsible and you're nice to most people ... I guess ... when are you coming home?"
Chanay:Oh,it's so half-full.
Jardon: That's a question you know you should know the answer to. I'll say half-empty, and hopefully I'm eating Oreos and dunking them.
Half-empty or half-full?
Do you consider yourself an expert on anything?
Sterner: Half-full.
Jardon: Not only am I an expert at interpretive dancing on Wescoe Beach, but I can also tie cherry stems
in a knot with my tongue — and teach others.
Sterner: No. I'm always trying to learn.
Chanay: I can play the piano pretty well, but I'm not an expert. I started junior year of high school.
What was your first pet?
Jardon: A little beagle puppy named Ralph. He passed away last summer and it broke my heart. I got him when I was 5.
Sterner: Probably a cat named Spook. I was really, really young. The first pet I narned myself was my dog, Samantha.
Chanay: A one-eyed cat named Mabel. We found her and she lived another 16 years after we found her ...she's like a 30-year-old cat.
What song describes your mood right now and why?
Jardon: "Blinded by the Light" by ELO. It's playing right behind me, and it's my dad's favorite band.
Sterner: "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. Have you ever seen that movie, "Grosse Pointe Blank?" Well, in that scene where he's at the reunion, and he's holding the baby and the song's playing ... it's the turning point in the movie. It always describes my mood because it's a happy song, but it's serious, too.
Chanay: "Two Piña Coladas" by Garth Brooks. It is the morning after St. Patrick's Day.
Paige Worthy
By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
How to get laid without looking like a slut
I'm going to have a threesome with my girlfriend and this other really hot chick and I was wondering if there are any tips of etiquette you can bring to my attention, like initiation, timing, amount of attention or other details that I will most certainly overlook in my state of excitedness. Thanks.
Jake, senior
Chris: Definitely talk to your GF beforehand and find out what she's comfortable with you doing. It's not uncommon for people who are down with threesomes to not be cool with their partner going down on or effing the other person. Selfish? Maybe, but common regardless. I'd just get drunk and follow the lead of the ladies.
Jessi: Be careful. When people seek out sex with people other than their partners, even in a threesome, they are usually trying to compensate for something lacking in their relationship. As Chris said, be sure to talk things over with your girlfriend and have her give your reasons as to why this interests her. Be honest with each other, and figure out if this is what you BOTH really want.
Whenever I meet someone we eventually talk about when we're graduating and once I mention I'm done in May, if the girl is younger, I think she gets turned off because I'll be leaving town soon. Should I lie about being a senior or what?
-Kevin, senior
Chris: No. Only skeevy guys at the Hawk lie about being freshmen when they are really going on 30. If a girl doesn't want to date a senior, she won't. And for your sake, you shouldn't be bothered by being turned down by people with such superficial standards. Do your thing, tell the truth and eventually your girl will come around.
Jessi: Definitely don't lie because if you were to start something with her and have it actually last, she'd be even more pissy knowing you were graduating sooner than planned. Tell these people the truth so that you have a solid foundation built on trust, not lies.
Sometimes I just really want to get laid. What's the best way to hit on a guy without looking like a slut?
Stephanie, senior
Chris: Well, you shouldn't care about looking like a slut, because most guys couldn't care less. I would just walk up to the guy and say "Hey, i want you to eff me tonight." It'll end up happening and you can clarify later that you're "not usually that forward" or whatever. But it's a foolproof method to getting laid. Note: Guys cannot use this method. It doesn't work.
Jessi: Let's face it. There is no way. When you're looking for sex, you're looking for sex alone with no attachment, which many people construe as "slut-like behavior," regardless of gender. You can either find a guy who wants to use your body and you can use his in those few minutes of what you call "bliss," or you can hold out for a REAL relationship and focus your sexual energy into something more lasting and true.
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com.
04.07.05 Jayplay
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