THE STUDENT VOICE SINCE 1904
THE UNIVERSITY DAHV KANCAN
hwest festi- r?
or organization.
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get paid. I'm
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goals for this
speed record. use A.I'm not I'm afraid of
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nassive disap-
Wescoe wit
[Oh, you guys say some of the darndest things.]
Not to make you all scared, but we're eavesdropping on your conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don't worry if you say something stupid, we won't identify you — unless you owe us money or beer.
Professor: This font is still compressed.
Girl: No. It not.
Professor: Yes it is
Girl: No it isn't, look, it's Gill Sans.
Professor: Yeah but you compressed it!
Girl: No I didn't. I did last time, but I didn't this time.
Professor: Do we have to go and look at it?
Girl: No, you're right it's compressed.
Professor: I just wanted you to know I was right.
Guy talking to girl: You're like talking to a two-year-old. "Yeah, um ...uh ...well um ...what if we...
Girl talking on phone: What?
Girl: What happened?
Girl: Your car caught on fire?!
Girl: Well...what?
Girl: Your car is totaled?! Holy crap.
Five questions
—Erin Shipps
One KU "famous," one KU not (yet) famous
Juan Cristóbal Araoz
La Paz, Bolivia junior
Q: What would you name your first child and why?
President of the International Student Association
Natalie Durda
Eden Prairie,
Minn,
freshman
Q: What was your favorite childhood toy?
Araoz: He will be Cristóbal, besi-
Araoz: Probably a soccer ball. Or maybe Transformers
Durda: My favorite childhood toy would probably be Legos.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?
Arazo: Bridget Jones's Diary.
(laughs) With my girlfriend. Last time we watched Troy, so it was my turn to watch Bridget Jones's Diary.
Arazo: Anchorman.
**Durda:** Either Ryan or Michael just because they're really pretty names and I have good friends who are named Ryan and Mike.
cally because that's my second name and it's easier than "Juan Cristobal."
Q: If you were a car, what kind of car would be?
Areaz: Probably I would be —I don't know — maybe a Toyota because they're comfortable, they last forever and you can trust in them.
Durda: Oh... probably an Escalade, all pimped out.
Q: What's the hardest class you've ever taken?
Areoz: Living Religions of the fucking East. I hate that class, I'm taking it right now, it's horrible, don't take it. I'm taking masters' classes, and that's the hardest class — this level 100.
Durda: Government, senior year of high school just because it was really hard and my teacher was pretty crazy.
-Robert Perkins
By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
Cutoff and cumming: the facial hair debate
I'm in love with this girl who's a virgin and I told her that I'd wait as long as it takes to have sex because I don't want to pressure her. The problem is she's the one wanting it and I think it's only because I'm not a virgin. Should I believe her when she says she wants to or continue waiting?
-Eddy, junio
**Chris:** Let's not sidestep the facts here. You told her you'd wait as long as it takes because you want to bone a virgin. There's no shame in your game, Eddy. If she told you she wanted to screw just because you have experience, what's wrong with that? Show her how everything works, but you better bring your A game, she'll remember those 4 minutes for-ever. For-ever. For-ever.
Jessi! I applaud your good intentions, Ed. I think you should explain to your little darlin' that although you are a Kama Sutra king, you want to be sure that she is ready for good reasons. (Note: Good reasons do not include anything related to alcohol or other illegal substances.) There's absolutely no hurt in waiting, especially if you feel she is the one for you.
Jessi! I keep the dog as backup in the case you do break up and you become a lonely, wilted spinner with only your doggie to keep you warm on dreary winter nights. As for privacy, try public restroom stalls, elevators and empty bedrooms at various parties on the weekends. Really, either put up with the fithy jerk and lock the door or "loan" your dog to a friend when the boyfriend stays over.
My boyfriend is very allergic to my dog, so he can never come over to my place and we can't go to his place either because his roommates are filthy jerks. What can we do to find privacy?
-Michelle, junio
**Chris:** You can shampoo your dog before he comes over to minimize the allergens. You can vacuum all the couches and carpets too. He can wear a face mask, take one of a zillion prescription drugs, tell his roommates to clean their shift up or break up with you for choosing a dog over him. Lots of options here. I love my dog and if I had a girlfriend, I just might have her too, but if one can't be around the other, you've got to make compromises.
My wonderful boyfriend has facial hair that tickles me when we're fooling around and it drives me crazy! I want to tell him to shave it but I don't want to sound controlling. Any ideas?
-Kim, freshr
**Chris:** The ole "mustache ride" isn't doing it for ya, I see. A shame. Tell him. There's a chance he's only growing the beard to pleasure you scruffily. If he loves his beard, tell him you get off from the smooth feel of his shaven face. Guys will rip their faces off to give girls orgasms. At least I would. And have. Torn my face off that is.
Jesai: Next time you're fooling around with your ruggedly hand-some mountain man, I'd start squealing with laughter and flailing around so much that you squeeze his head between your legs and cause him to pass out. Maybe then he'll understand the ticklish effect of his scruff. Or you could always make a compromise: He shaves, you shave. (Wink.)
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com.
03.31.05 Jayplay
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