FRIDAY, APRIL 1. 2005
ENTERTAINMENT
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
13A
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Cameron Monken/KANSAN
Greg Griesenauer/KANSAN
GAR-PLAYING-FIELD
Doua Lana/KANSAN
▼ HOROSCOPES
- Aries (March 21-April 19) You are the wild type. Learning a new drinking game at a party is the highlight of your week. In other words, you are an alcoholic with the IQ of a toaster. Keep up your screwdrivers every morning and eventually you'll start screwing a toaster.
- Taurus (April 20-May 20). You're good at planning and styling your hair. This is all you're good at though. People think you're a waste of space with hair that's not even that great. Your roommate is planning on killing you in your sleep. Sleep tight.
- Gemini (May 21-June 21) You love the outdoors. Camping, hiking and fishing are the ultimate experiences for you. You smell like the farm and enjoy picking your nose. Welcome to a lifetime of being alone.
- + Cancer (June 22-July 22). You are a deep thinker and keep to yourself. But people think you are a pretentious jacass. You're the kind of person who would sell your sibling's kidney to make a quick buck and, although the idea of that makes you laugh, it's not to be proud of.
- Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). People say
you are fun and spunky. So, you are an idiot with no future. You are the type of person who admires the house ant, uses fingers to compute easy addition, and thinks there are only 27 days in a month. One plus one equals what again?
+ Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You are an organized person and know where you are going. You are only pre-tending though. Truthfully, you are absolutely clueless about life, but you like to pretend you are better than everyone else. Welcome to schizophrenia, poser.
- Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22). Your sex appeal and fabulous flirtatious ability makes you smile. Simply put, you're easy and have low self-esteem. It's time to wake up and get off other people's beds. it's time to like yourself as much as you like sex. By the way, cut down on the porn.
- Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21). You like a good challenge. You're the type of person who tries to eat soup with chopsticks. While your pointless adventures may amuse you, they piss off the people who have to deal with you. You are likely to be the only person at your funeral.
♦ Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You always view the glass half full.
You're an optimist by heart and that makes you forever naive. It's time to wake up and face reality because you have no future and all your friends secretly hate you. Your pet is soon to die.
- Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You are an honest person. In other words, you're a heartless brat who has no feelings for others. People always ask if you are an only child. You're the type of person who has no problem eating in front of a hungry friend. Your significant other is planning on leaving you this weekend.
- ◆ Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Don't leave the house tomorrow.
- Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) You are a very romantic, passionate person. Basically, you stay in every night watching TV and movies that give you false hopes that will never come true for you. Go out tonight, have fun, cheat and don't remember it tomorrow — you deserve it. Besides, that special someone has already cheated on you.
Crossword
ACROSS
1 A cat goes __
13 Allen __house
19 Jibber-jabber
20 A farmer's dog
21 What wine is made out of
22 Backtalk
23 Valentine's Day treat
24 Mythical creature
25 Continuous
26 Winded
27 Kittens
28 Woodstock
29 Suspense writer
Woods
30 Men in charge
36 Win-win, lose-lose solutions
37 Your _ goes to college
38 Ocean
42 Black or white
45 Wedding-cake layer
47 Locater
49 Fast food favorite
50 Caligraphy
51 PC Competitor
52 Small doughnut
53 ^&% (#@&
54 __Moines, IA
55 Peak
56 Bee's speciality
58 The climax
59 Negative story character
60 Muck __
62 Farm animal
64 __
65 Bagel topping
68 Spanish class
69 Boo & Cookie
71 Sportos
72 Winter accessory
73 Hair color
74 Measurement
ACROSS
DOWN
1 Tonic's best friend
2 You are my ___
3 Games
4 Medium
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
28 31 32 33 34 35 36 39 40 41
42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59
60 61 62 63
64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72
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THE FAMILY MONSTER
5 Clinton and Maher
6 Filler
7 In Black
8 Mimic
9 Monroe
10 Red all over
11 Peter, Peter
12 Stick you lick
13 Foul shot in soccer
14 Dairy twist
15 Backstreet
16 Pigs like __
17 It's raining
18 Type of literature
19 Kiss me I'm __
20 Dog breed
21 Guys & __
22 The Facebook action
23 Place
24 What?
25 Which way?
26 By the skin of our
27 Spider's dinner
Solutions to last year's puzzle
44 Here I come
45 Fake
46 Not true
48 April 1st
50 Not fact
51 Fable
52 Today
53 Fiction
55 Opposite of real
56 Not real
57 Made up
58 False
CASHEWS
Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS
Doug Lang/KANSAN
THE FAMILY MONSTER
VOTE FOR TOP OF THE HILL 2005! Visit www.kansan.com/topofthehill/2005
Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS
JAYPLAY LIVE ENTRIES DUE TODAY!
Submit your band's demo by 1:30 p.m. TODAY to Promotions at 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. Lawrence, KS 66045 Room 119 Stauffer-Flint
$250
Cash Prize
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.
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