Rejecting rejection
Ways to understand and deal with rejection By Samara Nazir, Jayplay writer
Ready for a night out, LaTisha Battle, St. Louis, Mo. freshman, and her friends head to a club. While getting down, Battle's eyes meet with a man across the bar. Battle diverts her gaze and continues dancing as the man continues to watch. From afar he doesn't look bad, but as he approaches he flashes a gaping smile with four missing teeth. Not interested, Battle decides to kindly slip her "boyfriend" card. After she slips the words "I have a boyfriend" gently into the conversation three times, both exchanged goodbyes and ended the short-lived encounter.
and enforces the short battle.
Battle makes it a rule to always be kind when she is not interested in someone. But let's face it, rejecting someone is often times easier than being the one rejected.
thinks easier to do.
Dennis Dailey, former professor of Human Sexuality in Everyday Life, says students have to expect that every time they ask somebody out it will not always make for a successful attempt. At some point a person will have to hear the code for rejection: "Just not that interested."
Then why do people in such a situation react so differently?
The major issues involved are autonomy and differentiation, Dailey says. When students lack the ability to be independent and discriminate in certain situations, they are often times highly dependent on others.
For instance, if you approach someone for her number, there is the chance that she may refuse. Some are OK with hearing a no, while others take it to heart and are devastated.
dissaslated.
He adds that often times when someone does turn you down it is less about you and more about them. People with low self-esteem and who are insecure are in need of constant affirmation from others. As a result they will often overreact to experiences that they code as rejecting.
Kris Kennedy, Overland Park junior,
admits that handling rejection poorly may
be the reason he is still single. Kennedy says that a guy has to do all the work during the initial steps of dating so he has to deal with rejection more. But if he does get rejected Kennedy tries not to take it to heart.
heart.
He says his attitude is that, "53 percent of the students on this campus are female, so there's someone for everyone. You just have to find them...right?"
For Sean Ferrell, 21-year-old Overland Park resident, a painful breakup makes rejection harder to cope with. His relationship with Nadia, a foreign exchange student from Denmark, ended on their 10-month anniversary when he walked in on her and caught her cheating on him with another man. The feeling of rejection not only hurt his confidence and self-esteem but also his relationship with other women.
"If someone refused when I asked for her number, I would brush it off," Ferrell says. "But at the end of the night, it would still get to me."
But no reason to fear, hope and advice can trump the boyfriend card any day. John Wade, licensed psychologist at KU Counseling and Psychological Services, provides optimistic ways to deal with the issue.
get to me.
When Ferrell happens to get a not-interested reply, he starts to lose hope in all situations, and it never fails to bring back the painful remembrance of his relationship with Nadia.
That feeling is why Melissa Martinez, Kansas City, Kan. sophomore, steers clear of situations leading to rejection. The fear of rejection is why she seldom asks a guy for his number. She knows she would turn red from embarrassment if ever rejected. She would try to play it off but would still feel crushed.
Instead of viewing the situation as someone rejecting you, feel good about taking a chance with someone and stepping out.
side your comfort zone. Take a chance because you're not going to find someone if you just sit in your room. Wade also suggests expecting no as a possibility when approaching someone so you are mentally prepared to handle any response.
prepare if you're feeling down from someone not returning your affection or from a breakup. Wade recommends turning to friends for support instead of isolating yourself. Keep into perspective that pain is short-lived so eventually things will feel better. He further suggests not taking the situation too personally. Analyze the situation, but keep in mind your good qualities and what others like about you.
Photo illustration by
Every situation is what you make it to be so if someone is just not that interested, then they're just not that worth it.
6 Jayplay 02.17.05