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Illustration by Scott Drummond
By Ashley Doyle, Jayplay writer
I've seen quite a few guys' bedrooms. Don't get excited. Rarely did one of those visits lead to anything
beyond kissing. But maybe something would have progressed if guys used any part of their brain while decorating their rooms.
Bottom line: There are just some things no sensible woman wants to see when going into your bedroom.
Sex may sell, but it won't get you a woman
The first thing I do when I go into a guy's bedroom is look at what's hanging from his walls. I'm searching the walls for one thing — sexist visuals. These say almost everything I need to know about the man. Whether it's a calendar, desktop photo, or actual poster — it doesn't matter; it shows a man's disrespect for women and his willingness to accept women as sex objects. I've heard two common excuses from guys about these basically naked women when I confront them: The "They've been up there for so long I don't even notice
them" and the "Well, I like women" lines. If you don't notice something on your wall or you don't know why it's still up there, put something you will appreciate on your walls. As for a man liking women — really? I think I could have figured that out when you invited me back to your place, but thank you for reaffirming it with posters that make me feel uncomfortable.
My ex used to have posters of Britney Spears everywhere, even one in his bathroom. I could not escape her. She was there when I woke up, when I brushed my teeth, when I was watching TV. No matter where I was in his place, she was staring at me. After confronting him about my discomfort, he took the four posters down. And even though I knew they were rolled up in his closet, I loved him more for understanding that respect for a real person in your life is more important than a meaningless photo on the wall of someone you don't actually know.
Bay of pigs
Bottom line: Choose tasteful posters. And just because a poster was free does not mean it had to go up on the wall. It was free for a reason — it's trash.
While a pile of clean clothes in the corner is better than a pile of dirty clothes in the corner, the best option is to pick up your room if there's a possibility of a date coming over. I know this sounds obvious, but there have been times a guy has invited me in advance to his house and when I got there his room was a mess. I'm sorry your mom's not here to clean your room anymore, but don't make me suffer because of it.
Also make sure your bathroom is clean. Nothing is more disgusting than having a shower that makes you want to wear flip-flops in it. Toilet stains also are another huge turnoff. It's obvious what everyone does in there; no one needs a visual.
Bottom line: Show her that she's worth at least 15 minutes of your time and pick up your bedroom and clean your damn toilet.
The stiff Kleenex
What pornographic magazines or videos you enjoy is your business, so don't advertise it. There is no reason videos and magazines need to be carelessly left by
your TV or in your bathroom. While you guys might think this is "normal male" behavior and all of your other guy friends are doing it, ask yourself how many of these guy friends actually have girlfriends or at least date steadily.
Ex-girlfriend shrines
Bottom line: If you walked into your date's room to discover a Playgirl and it would catch you off guard and possibly bother you, then don't have your dirty magazines on display either. Show some courtesy.
Pictures of you with your ex are perfectly OK; it shows part of your past and no one should take that away. What isn't OK is having your room revolve around them. If every picture frame has a photo of you and her, and you still have obvious memorabilia from your relationship on display, you are not ready to be dating again.
Bottom line: A couple photos of the ex around the room are OK, but don't make your date feel like a rebound.
02.10.05 Jayplay
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