By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
Extra special Valentine's Day edition
I want to break up with my girlfriend, but Valentine's Day is coming up. Should I break things off before so she'll have a crappy Valentine's or should I wait until after?
-Todd, freshman
Chris: It all depends on how big of a dick you want to be. Waiting till after V-day to spare her feelings is a nice thought, but a bad idea. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel spending Valentines with your GF and later finding out she'd been planning on dumping you the whole time? Not good. You two are better off alone than together living a lie. Plus you'll end up saving money by not giving her a gift. Jerk.
Jessi: Chances are if you're faking it, Valentine's is going to be craptastic either way, so why not let her go now so she can be free from an a-hole like yourself and get on with finding a keeper who plans on keeping her.
Are either of you currently dating anyone?
-Sarah, junior
Jessi: Yes, I am. He has a sweet bike. And he's really good at hooking up with chicks, (which is why he got me.) Plus, he's like the only guy at school who has a mustache.
**Chris:** Girls only want guys that have skills. So...no. But I am currently taking applications.
I'm a virgin and am waiting till marriage, but I want to go down on this guy I'm dating, and I don't want him to think that I'll have intercourse with him later on. How should I do this?
-Mandy, sophomore
Jessi: First, update him on your sexual history if he doesn't know already. Second, reevaluate your reasons for wanting to do it. Do you want to because you know he's expecting it and you don't want him thinking you're a prudge? Or are you doing this because you genuinely care for him? You'd be giving up a big part of yourself, so make sure it's right for both of you.
**Chris:** Just say, "Hey, I'm a virgin. I'll be a virgin on my wedding day. But I like to give head and as long as you reciprocate this should work out fine." He'll be surprised at your candor, but very turned on.
So what's your favorite thing to do?
James, freshman
Chris: So you need some advice, huh. Okay, oh wait, you're not asking for advice? What are you , just some punk kid that gets his kicks from wasting people's time with stupid questions!? Effing punks.* Jessi: Ooh! It's a toss-up between whitening my teeth or taking candid photos of unsuspecting nose-picking victims not privy to my plans of deceit. I also like eating Jimmy John's day-old bread on Tuesdays.
Is there a policy on sending a guy flowers? I want to do something cute, but out of the ordinary. What do you think?
Jane, freshman
Chris: Policies! Geez, everyone always asks if there are policies for this or that. There aren't policies for this kind of stuff, people! There are good and bad ways of doing everything. But I think it's a fun idea. I think most guys will tell you that deep down - way down - they would love to be given flowers. Or not. But there are a few things to remember. Wherever you're sending them, make sure the card is in an envelope with his name on it. It'd be embarrassing for a co-worker or roommate to read whatever BS you've got written on the card. And don't send a huge bouquet; instead go with a simple vase filled with one kind of flower. And sunflowers would be more appropriate than pansies - for obvious reasons.
Jessi: Chris is right. Let us unite to burn all the rulebooks dedicated to policies in love and romance because, (let's say it together) "it's different for everyone." Some guys like sushi - some don't. Some guys like PDA - some don't. Some guys like girls jello wrestling - some .. well ok. That's ONE exception. But some guys love flowers. Some don't. Use your intuition to decide if you think flowers are on this guy's romantic fantasy wish list. Still not sure? Ask his friends what they think he'd like.
My boyfriend is broke, and I told him I didn't want him to take me out on Valentine's Day because I'd rather him save money for what he really needs and not waste it on me. He's being really stubborn and insists that he's taking me out anyway. Should I refuse?
-Lucy, sophomore
Chris: There is probably tons of macho BS behind your boyfriend's actions. Society tells us that men should be providers. And the thing they've got to provide is money. And lots of it. So it's no wonder that he wants to take you out for St. Valentine's Day. Because that's what guys are supposed to do. How else would people celebrate this pivotal holiday? Happy February 14th! I mean it's on a Monday! But I would refuse. You're been incredibly thoughtful to recognize that taking you out for St. Hallmark's Day is not in his best interest. There are plenty of guys in his boat and plenty of selfish girls that won't be as considerate as you. He should be grateful to be with someone as caring as you.
Jessi! Let the man take you out on one condition: you choose where you go and what you do. Girls are always complaining about how guys never quite measure up to the fairy tale, so why not let him show you how much he cares? And in reference to Chris' macho theory, do whatever works for you two regardless of societal pressures. If he likes to pay and you're down with that, then that's fine. If you take turns paying, then that's fine, too. If you're paying all the time, make sure you're not dating a deadbeat. I have yet to hear of a female paying most of the time.
My boyfriend and I want to go out to dinner for Valentine's Day,but I'm worried two men eating together in a restaurant on V-day will raise too many eyebrows. Am I being too paranoid? lash junior
Jessi: Yes, I think you're being paranoid. What would the world be like if everyone worried about what everyone else thought of their love-life? So long as you're not flaunting your sexuality (homo- or hetero-) in peoples' faces, you should be more concerned with that food allergy than whether the table next to you thinks you're gay. If you're so paranoid you won't have a good time, what's the hurt in staying in and cooking a meal together?
Chris: I mean it is a Monday! Your experience would definitely vary depending on what restaurant y'all choose. In some restaurants a certain level of romance is assumed. But honestly, I think it would raise a few eyebrows. It's sad that that's the case, but that's what I think. However, being in Lawrence, a socially progressive and politically liberal town, there would be fewer furrowed brows than if you two went out in say, Crawford, Texas.
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com.
2.10.05 Jayplay
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