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By Ashley Doyle, Jayplay writer
When relationships go bad...
How to tell when "it's over"
Photo illustration by Kit Leffler
It wasn't about someone else. It wasn't about an argument. It wasn't even about Danae DeShazer and her boyfriend being in a long distance relationship.
Something happened in late November that made the Overland Park freshman realize it was over with her boyfriend of one year and three months.
DeShazer says she started noticing herself talking to her sorority sisters more than her boyfriend about her problems. "It
came to a point where I felt like I couldn't even talk to him anymore," DeShazer says.
Karen Harrison, marriage and family therapist, says there are common signs when a relationship is over. Distancing oneself from the relationship, not spending as much time with a partner, being more critical of one another and expressing the desire to date around when a couple has been in a monogamous relationship, are the typical signs.
Two weeks before the break up. DeShazer says she called her boyfriend less often.
DeShazer says she just lost the feelings she once had for him, and that if they didn't break up she would be forcing herself to love him when she didn't.
"You can work through so many things, but once you hit the point where you're forcing the relationship, it's over," DeShazer says.
Chris Pieschl, Stillwell senior, says he noticed his girlfriend acting differently at his military ball. She broke up with him later that night. Before the breakup, he says she didn't call as much as she used to, and she also lost interest in the things she normally wanted to do.
Harrison says it's common for couples to stay together even when they know it's over. These people are afraid to move on and are scared they won't find another relationship. This type of behavior usually ends up with the couple fighting more or becoming co-dependent, she says.
DeShazer says the ultimate warning sign their relationship was over was that she lost "that feeling" for him.
For a couple who is dating and also fighting a lot, Harrison says there are two solutions: break up or go to a counselor or communications class to learn how to communicate more effectively. Harrison says problems that have not been going on for long are easier to fix.
Harrison says that couples shouldn't settle for someone they don't get along with.
"People tend to settle for a person too quickly," she says.
Harrison says friends are another valuable resource to see how a relationship is going.
"Friends are more objective, and if you have several friends who don't like them, you should seriously consider their opinion," Harrison says.
How we met
Alexis Hallman, Kansas City, Kan., senior, and Jeremy Kanarek, Mexico City senior, met in the parking lot of the Hawker apartments where both lived at the time. Alexis was on her way to teach voice lessons in Kansas City, when she realized her car didn't have gas. Jeremy, who just happened to be there at the moment, offered her a ride. Going against her better judgment of not riding with strangers, Alexis accepted the offer. The car ride developed into friendship. After two years of knowing each other, Jeremy and Alexis say they're now totally committed to each other.
Photo contributed by Alexis Hallman
Alexis Hallman & Jeremy Kanarek