Wescoewit
[Oh, you guys say some of the darndest things.]
Not to make you all scared, but we're eavesdropping on your conversations. Yes, we hear everything. And then we print it. But don't worry if you say something stupid, we won't identify you — unless you owe us money or beer.
Girl (on cell phone): No, I'l be home after I'm done here.
Girl: I know what I said,but I didn't think this would take this long.
Girl: You're being an ass, and I'm hanging up.
Girl: No, I don't want to hear it, I'm hanging up. You suck, I'm hanging up.
Girl! It doesn't matter. I have to do this, and you keep giving me shit about it. It's not like I want to be here.
Girl: Fine, just don't act like I'm doing this on purpose. I'll be home when I'm home.
Guy 1: Where's the place to be tonight?
Guy 2: I don't know. There aren't any good specials on Friday. One place is as good as the next.
Girl 1: Let's start at Quinton's and go to the Hatter.
Guy 1: Quinton's is too expensive.
Girl 1: You're too much of a cheap- ass.
Guy 1: Maybe, but I'm not paying like $5 for a drink. We should go to Louise's.
Girl 1: Dank, I'd tell you to buy some class, but obviously you're too broke.
— Robert Riley
Number of hours of HSES classes that will count toward graduation for non-HSES majors
Number of KU Branch Libraries
Percent total enrollment was up for Fall 2004
4.2 225
Percent minority enrollment was up for Fall 2004
Number of bird species found in Kansas
Samia Khan
By Jessi Crowder and Chris Tackett
[What's your "big number"?]
When it's my girlfriend's "time of the month," she turns into a huge bitch. How can I make it easier for both of us?
Bob, junior
Jessi: If I could make it easier on both of you, I'd let you switch bodies for a day and you could tell her what you need when you're crying over every Hallmark commercial craving M&M's and pretzels. The truth is, it's different for every girl, so ask what she would like from you and if that includes a tummy-rub spoon, you better give it to her. Along with a delicious bass.
Chris: "Switch bodies?" Jessi, that'll never work! Idiot! When girls are in their crazy week, you're well-advised to steer clear. But if you have to interact with her, bring drugs, food and don't say anything!
At the end of last semester, my girlfriend started going through a quarter-life crisis. She lost her job, she never went to class and all she did was watch TV and eat. I want her to do well this semester. What can i do to help?
Jen, senior
Chris: She's depressed or she's a living example of the new American dream - unemployed, uneducated and a slave to TV and junk food. Call it a quarter-life crisis or call it self-sabotage, but at the root of this issue are bigger emotional problems. Talk to her and offer to help get her started on the right foot. And turn off MTV.
Jessi: Your friend hit a bout of depression and there is plenty you can do. Tell her how much you care about her and that you noticed a change. Offer to help her find a job or go to the gym with her to get her off the couch. She needs you to help her remember who she is. If you feel you've done all you can do, don't hesitate to get her to a doctor. Best of luck.
I'm currently sleeping with a very well-endowed guy, I really haven't slept with that many people, and I'm worried when we break up I'll be too loose and other guys will think I'm a slut. Am I retarded?
Emily, sophomore
Jessi: You're right. You're walleried out for life! KIDDING! Actually your vaginal muscles are amazing, so when you and your big beau are no more, never fear because after a while (like a few months) your vagina will return to its near virgin-like state of "tight." And do kegels exercises if you're really worried.
Chris: Why would you want to be tight again? You're living in the past man! Don't you know the hot new fad of 2005 is crazy-loose vaginas!
Got a burning question? E-mail us at bitch@kansan.com.
1.20.05 Jayplay
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