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ARTS & CULTURE
KANSAN.COM
Lawrence Death Cafe meets monthly to discuss death
MADISCHULZ/KANSAN
Lawrence Death Club Founder Constance Whiston discusses her views on death at the group's monthly meeting on June 27. At Death Cafe meetings, members gather to discuss death and its related topics in an open-minded environment.
MADI SCHULZ
@Mad_Dawgg
On a Saturday afternoon at the public library, Lawrence resident Constance Whiston entered meeting room C wearing a cheerful orange shirt and a smile on her face. She took her place at the head of the table to begin the meeting.
"Welcome to the Lawrence Death Cafe," she began. "I won't bring any reading materials. There won't be any movies or guest speakers. You all pick the topics; you decide what to talk about."
Since 2011, there have been 2,097 Death Cafes held in Europe, North America and Australia, according to the worldwide organization's website. At each meeting, members gather to discuss death and the many topics that relate to the subject.
Anyone can hold a Death Cafe, as long as they follow the guidelines set out, as Whiston did. Once she heard about the Death Cafe, she knew she was interested in hosting a meeting.
"I have very strong ideas about the circle of life and life after death," Whiston said.
Whiston's differing beliefs come from her experimentation in religion, in which she has taken part in many different denominations and practices.
At every meeting, each guest is encouraged to also bring a snack for the group to share, contributing to the "cafe" aspect of the name.
Although as part of the guidelines Whiston is not allowed to introduce her own topics, she still enjoys proctoring the discussions, and she often writes down the topics that interest her.
At the start of the meeting, each member, seated around a large rectangular table, stated their name and why they were there. The reasons differed, but largely had to do with the participants' occupations, from hospice workers to those who work with funeral professionals. There
were also participants who had ideas pertaining to their specific beliefs they wanted to discuss, and those who just wanted to talk about the death of a loved one and how it affected them.
The group ranges in age. The youngest attendee was 22-year-old Axel Bordelon, who discussed many ideas, including his idea that after death not only does the body decompose, but the soul as well. Once this decomposition is complete, the pieces of the soul are put back into a large pot that is then used in the reincarnation of others.
"I saw the Death Cafe poster at the library and was interested. Death is a subject that interests me," Bordelon said. "It's a subject with many topics that unites every person."
A large portion of the meeting was also allocated to discussing burial procedures and the various
ways a loved one can be mourned. Shannon Hodges, who is working toward becoming certified in home funerals, and Melanie Black Loyd, an equipping coach for funeral professionals who helps them with communications and making plans, led these topics. Loyd attended the meeting with her mother.
"I want to understand all the skills, language and viewpoints that have to do with death," Loyd said. "My goal is to help make the best possible service for those who are saying goodbye to a loved one."
One specific subject the discussion turned to were natural burials and how one local cemetery offers a natural burial area where bodies are not embalmed or treated with any chemicals, and only biodegradable caskets are allowed.
There were also varied viewpoints on the afterlife among the group
— some believe there is one, and others believe there is not. Some members said they believe death is a joyous occasion where loved ones are finally at peace; others believe there is no joy in death.
Stephanie Freeman, a local Lawrence artist who said she doesn't believe in the afterlife and sees death as highly negative, discussed the death of her sister from cancer and how it affected her. Freeman also discussed how when she started creating her burned-canvas pieces, an idea she got from fellow Death Cafe participant Jane Asbury, professor emeritus at the University, it helped her to heal.
"The burning of the canvas is the part I love the most," Freeman said during the meeting. "There is definitely a freedom."
Asbury, who taught painting in the Department of Visual Art, came to
the meeting to discuss the various burial rituals in different cultures. She also holds an interest in different mythologies.
During the Death Cafe, Whiston reassured members that although they have different viewpoints, there was nothing wrong with expressing differing opinions as long as everyone was respectful.
"I really try to make sure everyone listens with respect and feels comfortable with sharing," Whiston said.
The openness of the group contributes to the mood, which, despite the subject matter, is often pretty light. Although there were solemn moments when the group sat in silence to absorb the stories told, there was often laughter and lively discussion throughout.
The next Lawrence Death Cafe will be held July 25 at the Lawrence Public Library.
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