WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2015
PAGE 4
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SPY VS. SPY
TEXT
FREE FOR ALL
opinion
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Hearing the birds chip away as I walk to class makes me excited for spring! Tweet tweet chirp chirp
Do you ever have a plan for the day and suddenly it's 4 p.m. and you've achieved literally nothing?
Use promo code NETFLIX for 50% off your next midterm.
There's still a part of me that is going to miss Glee when it's gone. '{
I can't decide who's worse: Brownback or K-State fans.
I've gotten to the point where I can't even call it "procrastinating" anymore.. I should just be calling it "jeopardizing my future."
Dear person listening to music on the bus without any ear buds, I hate you.
The cold isn't so bad to walk in except when it's windy...
that's a whole different story.
icicle #frozenodeath
I wonder if guys think it's weird when girls hold doors open for them?
i had my roommate call my phone last night and we found it in an uncooked quesadilla... #mylife
Just another day of not being rich and famous
Syllabus: Cramming will not work for this class.
Me: Well it's gonna have to.
You know you're still a child at heart when you start referencing spongebob episodes to your daily life.
The BEST part about March is free pancake day at Ihop hahaaa!
Kanye West seems like the kind of guy to unplug your life support just so he can charge his phone.
I always saying "morning" instead of "good morning." If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.
One day I'll solve my problems with maturity. Today however, it will be with alcohol.
Makin' my way downtown,
walkin' fast, haulin' ass cause
it's cold out!
PRO CON
Jason Bourne a superior spy to Bond, James Bond
When it comes to discerning the top fictitious spy agent of our time, none compare to the illustrious Jason Bourne, rogue CIA agent. Bourne is incomparable in agility, intelligence, resourcefulness, and most of all, sincerity of heart. It takes more than devilish good looks and superior hand-to-hand combat skills to be the best spy in Hollywood. It takes grit and a dose of amnesia. When posed the question, "Who is the better spy: James Bond or Jason Bourne?" I can answer with the utmost certainty that Bourne makes Bond look like an accountant in a Tom Ford suit.
First, Jason Bourne would win in a race up 14th Street, hands down (or tied behind his back). Jason is originally a Missouri boy, meaning he can scale an Ozark hill with the best of them. Mt. Oread was not built for the likes of a Londoner such as Bond. Bourne would use his incredible stamina gained in Treadstone training to easily glide past The Bull, The Hawk, The Wheel and finally make it to the Natural History Museum. Eat dust, Bond.
Second, Bourne would look far better sitting in Professor Mary Klayder's chair than James Bond for two reasons: Bourne is an encyclopedia of classic and modern literature. He could impress the beloved Klayder with his expansive knowledge of Joyce's "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" and Woolf's "To the Lighthouse." Plus, Matt Damon looks good sitting in anyone's chair.
Third, Jason has a stomach of a cow. He could, without a doubt, eat more Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wraps than James Bond.
Once again, Bourne's Midwest heritage puts him at an advantage over the Englishman. Additionally, Bourne's experience traveling around the world and testing different cuisines has prepared him for the bizarre aftertaste associated with the questionable chicken conglomeration. There is no question that Bourne could eat through all the wraps in the Underground and the Marketplace, leaving Bond with a tummy ache. Would you like some Earl Grey for that?
Fourth, the American agent would win an undergraduate research award for his study titled, "Who am I? The effects of being brainwashed by the federal government, shot in the back twice and having amnesia on cognitive development." No one can beat that study, let alone that title.
Fifth, as anyone who's seen the Bourne Supremacy would know, Bourne would win an automotive race from McCollum Residence Hall to the Kansas Union. In a show of unparalleled quick-thinking and resourcefulness, Bourne would hijack a KU on Wheels bus, plummet down Irving Hill Road, navigate the fierce pedestrians on Naismith Drive, circle the Chi-O fountain on two wheels and race down laj Hawk Boulevard, all while keeping University property damage to a minimum. Oh, and he was being chased by Treadstone operatives the entire time. And he made friends with a girl on the bus by talking about politics and environmental issues, and asked for her number (I was that girl).
Ladies and gentleman, there is no question. Jason Bourne, without a shred of doubt, is the superior operative. In this fictitious battle of strength and wit which has taken place on the University campus. Bourne has proven that his skill as an agent, his drive as a lost amnesiac, and his soul as a Midwesterner make him the better spy, and the better man.
Gabrielle Murran is a junior from Pittsburgh studying environmental studies and political science
Compared to Bond, Bourne is nothing more than an amateur
It's simply a waste of time to explain why James Bond is superior to jason Bourne, because only silly people would think the opposite. No secret agent in the history of secret agents has ever been able to match up to Bond — the number of places he has blown up, fights he has won, Russians he has defeated, ladies he has seduced — the list goes on and on. In any case, let's see how Bond and Bourne would compare in five different situations right here at the University.
Who would sprint up 14th Street the fastest? I'm going to have to give this one to Bourne due to the fact that Bond would most certainly get distracted by the Douthart ladies on his way up.
Instinctively, he wouldn't be able to resist the sight of women reading books.
However, Bond would definitely look the best in Professor Mary Klayder's famous chair. Is there anything more irresistible than a fit British man in a tuxedo dishing out lame British jokes with a martini in one hand and a Walther PPK in the other? No.
Bond, a chemistry major, would clearly beat Bourne for the Undergraduate Research Award, with his project titled: "The chemical basis for understanding why a dry martini tastes better shaken, not stirred." The best Bourne (most likely an exercise science major) could do is present a project along the lines of "If you think you can run faster than me, you're wrong. I can run faster than you." Does he even know what research is?
Who would eat more Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wraps? James wouldn't even try — it's either caviar and cigarettes, or nothing, Jason.
you can have this one, but check the nutrition facts for radioactive ingredients.
A race from McCollum to the Student Union would begin with James letting Jason think he had taken the lead. Bond would then dip back into McCollum and contact Q from his walkie-talkie watch, through which Q would inform him of the whereabouts of the secret Thunderball jet pack.
James would then strap it on and, taking his time, draw out a heart in
"THE BEST BOURNE... COULD DO IS PRESENT A PROJECT ALONG THE LINES OF 'IF YOU THINK YOU CAN RUN FASTER THAN ME, YOU'RE WRONG. I CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU.' DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT RESEARCH IS?"
the sky for the Douthart ladies before making his way over to the Union, just in time to beat Jason.
Clearly, James Bond is better than Jason Bourne at everything. Did anyone ever doubt that?
If at times it may seem that he's not, it's only because James knows that talking to ladies is much more interesting than sprinting up hills. Jason has a few things to learn before he can be considered the best JB. Having the same initials as James is not enough; the sound of "Bond, James Bond" is just too smooth to match up against.
Sebastian Schoneich is a senior from Lawrence studying biochemistry and philosophy
Students need politically diverse teaching styles
However, I wish liberal professors would acknowledge
Taking a range of political science courses, a major aspect stood out to me: I agreed with almost everything my professors were saying. As they told me that American liberals do this and American conservatives believe that, I nodded my head in accord.
When I first walked onto the University's campus, the best phrase to describe me was "raging liberal." I was hard-set on my ambition to become a progressive politician and gleefully decided to major in political science. However, over the next year and a half, my decision changed.
But slowly I realized why I was agreeing with all their points — I was getting the liberal side of everything. Not all arguments across the political spectrum were being presented to me. Over time, I became concerned that my education was presenting one side of every issue, rather than broadening my perspective. In a 2012 report, the Los Angeles Higher Education Research Institute found that college professors tend to be "more politically liberal or far left" and those who identify as "middle of the road" are declining in number. I do not blame professors for being liberal. After all, it tends to be liberals and Democrats who increase funding for their institutions and salaries. Their bias is a component of self-preservation, in the same manner as military members who are generally more conservative due to the Republican Party's support for increased military spending.
the reason for their bias.
"THIS IS NOT A CALL FOR LIBERAL STUDENTS AND PROFESSORS TO CHANGE THEIR IDEOLOGY. INSTEAD, WE SHOULD BE EXPOSING OURSELVES TO NEW VIEWS."
The implications go beyond the professors themselves, and directly affect students. According to a study by political scientist Matthew Woessner, students who enter college as conservatives or liberals tend to keep their political alignment throughout their academic career. Woessner
finds that liberal students tend to take classes from liberal professors which is pretty easy, considering the statistics. Conservative students also tend to seek out professors with their same ideology, though with greater difficulty. This self-reassurance no doubt affects the diversity of views that conservative students subject themselves to, but the implications for liberal students are wider.
Woessner continues to say due to the saturation of liberal professors in American universities — and the decline of non-leftist professors — liberal students hardly have their views challenged.
This prevents them from being exposed to a variety of ideas and hampers their ability to argue effectively. As Woessner says, "if the point of college is to expose students to diverse worldviews, then the college experience for liberal students is sadly lacking"
I decided to challenge myself by taking economics classes, where professors' ideologies
I was exposed to new sets of ideas and found a passion for economics. I was consistently challenged, and my outlook on my life as an American citizen significantly broadened.
are much more diverse, according to a study by the Institute for Jewish and Community Research.
This is not a call for liberal students and professors to change their ideology. Instead, we should be exposing ourselves to new views. Ignoring differing views simply because one disagrees can hinder a student's variety of life. Professors on the left who fail to give a fair say to each side should present both sides of the issues, not just one. Liberal students should render themselves to a wider variety of views, not just their own. In the process, both sets will be rewarded with a richer college experience, and students will have a larger set of knowledge to boot.
Brian Hillix, editor-in-chief bhillie@kansan.com
Paige Lytle, managing editor pylete@kansan.com
Stephanie Bickel, digital editor shickle@kansan.com
John Olson is a sophomore from Wichita studying economics
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Members of the Kansan
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Hillix, Paige Lytle, Cecilia
Cho, Stephanie Bickel and
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