WEDNESDAY, MAY 2, 2012
THE UNIVERSITY DARY RANSAN
PAGE 5
opinion
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Text your FFA submissions to 785-289-8351
I'm definitely giving the bus driver my number on the last day of class.
The quality of the FFAs lately is too damn low!
You know you didn't get much sleep when you go to brush your teeth and your toothbrush is still wet from the night before.
Mass floods on Mass Street!
Are even man boobs beautiful?
Come on now. I understand that we don't have a seating chart, but do you really have to start sitting in my favorite spot with only three classes left?
For all those who remember White Owl, Joe College or when Teahan played football, this post is for you.
Did anyone else see the girl fall up the stairs and proceed to roll down them outside of Budig?
Have you heard of an Aussie kiss
It's the same as a French kiss, but
down under.
It's nearly impossible to pull off a sundress and a backpack.
It'd be so fun to be a squirrel.
Lost my FFA virginity today, and what a sweet feeling it was!
"Downton Abbey" is downtown boring.
Why do so many people feel the need to text the FFA complimenting random girls? I'm sure these women would be more flattered if you actually told them yourself!
EDITORIAL
The person in the stall next to me is barefoot. Only at a pool is that okay.
Are people doing the undie run again this year? I want a legal excuse to run around KU mostly naked.
I just saw what I thought were two squirrels fighting. Then one mounted the other.
I had a dream about the new, fancy touchscreen Coke machines. My like for them just crossed into the realm of obsession.
I obviously have a problem when I start double-fisting Diet Coke.
The sign says "20 items or less," not 26. Get it together, people!
Monday's Sudoku stumped me. That's how bad at math I am.
To the girl in the l-would-cuddle you-so-hard-shirt, would you really?
University could benefit from subway system
Does anyone understand why you see people at the library sitting at a computer with their iaptops out? The concept perplexes me.
make no mistake, the Kansan values the KU bus system.
the KU bus system. The buses are a wonderful part of the KU transportation structure and the Kansan doesn't want the following idea to offend the bus drivers or devalue their importance to campus. Having said that, the campus would be greatly improved if there were a KU subway system.
There are so many reasons why a subway system would benefit KU students. The subways would be much quicker than the current bus system. How many people have missed class because the buses have to use the streets? Getting buses off the streets would also free up traffic. The subway system would run on computers, freeing up funds used to hire drivers for the bus system. Because of the computers, the subways could run 24/7 — no need to worry about catching the last bus. The subway system would run on electricity, and that would make our transportation system greener.
If the University wanted to get on the cutting edge of transportation technology, the KU subway, or JayWay, could run magnetically. Furthermore, the use of a subway system would make it possible to move current on-campus parking lots to a Park & Ride-like radial around the greater campus. It wouldn't take much space on campus to build stairs leading down to the stations. Subway stations could
harder rock. Cores would have to be taken to find the nature of the rock underneath the KU campus. In addition, the University would have to sink millions of dollars into a new transportation system, including a major boring operation underneath campus.
be built underground and current parking lots could be turned into green space. The campus subway system would make the University a greener campus.
Essentially, the best situation would be if Lawrence also built a subway system. A KU-Lawrence subway connection would allow greater transportation access to students living off-campus. While SafeBus is an asset to KU JayWay would make taking a subway home after a night on Massachusetts Street much safer for bar-goers and locals alike. The subway system would have to be equipped with modern security systems, ensuring the safety and security of subway passengers. Inevitably, an intermodal system connecting the KU-Lawrence
subway to the Kansas City metro by way of a train would make campus and Lawrence much more accessible.
In reality, this subway idea isn't feasible and there are several potential issues. According to the Kansas Geological Survey, Lawrence sits on top of the lawrence formation, which is a limestone formation. The thickness ranges to about 140 feet. That's one hell of a solid rock formation we're sitting on.
Despite all the issues, the subway system would become a major asset to the University. The costs associated with a subway would be made up through a student fee and a pay-as-you-go system, like any other city subway system. Lawrence citizens and KU students alike would be able to use this mass transit system for years to come.
Another possible problem could be diagenesis — the chemical or physical change undergone by a sediment. The limestone underneath Mount Oread could have gone through compaction or cementation, turning the originally soft limestone into a much
Billy McCroy for the editorial board.
ADVICE
Reduce stress with comedic YouTube videos
With finals coming up and my brainpower at an all-time low. I've decided to take a break from my normal, politically focused columns to focus on something a little lighter: Jim Gaffigan's new comedy special "Mr. Universe." I want to convince you to buy this comedy special. Normally, I'd just let you make that decision yourself, but I do not want you to miss out on this delightful bit of comedy.
Let me give you four reasons you should buy this one special:
P. S. If you don't know who Jim Gaffigan is, stop reading, access a computer, go to YouTube and type in "Jim Gaffigan Camping" (my personal favorite thus far) or "jim Gaffigan Holiday Traditions," watch the video and return. Although, truthfully, you'll probably never make it back to my article. You'll end up watching numerous Gaffigan videos on YouTube and eventually going to his site and buying the special anyway. If that's your path, have at it.
Before, I try to convince you to buy this, let me tell you about my path to purchasing this special. I was browsing Twitter, as I spend a lot of my time, and saw Jim Gaffigan tweeting about his new comedy special. Everyone should follow him because his tweets are pretty funny. Anyway, I went to his website just to see what the new special was all about. Once I got to the website, I watched the free sample clip about whales, which was hilarious. Then I found out it was only $5 and there were basically no restrictions on how the special could be used. It can be burned, watched as many times as you want, etc. By that point I was sold! I bought it and proceeded to watch the entire special immediately. It was hilarious!
First, the special is absolutely hilarious and who doesn't like to laugh. From Jim Gaffigan, the man who brought us the Hot Pocket and Cinnabon sketches, he brings us a brand-new, 75-minute comedy special that is truly hilarious. The new special contains hilarious sketches about vacations at Disney, the truth about exercising in the gym, the culture of McDonalds, whales, and Subway and Jared (you know Subway's spokesperson). If you buy it and watch it, you will laugh or you probably just don't understand what's funny. Your loss.
By Matthew Nygaard
mnygaard@kansan.com
Second, the special is not available in stores, on TV or online. The only way to access it is by purchasing it online. If you do not purchase it, you're going to be missing out.
Third, the special costs only $5, which is what many of us spend on one drink every weekend or on coffee every week. I guarantee the comedy special provides you more value for your money than that double rum and Coke or caramel macchiato you drink. Also, for that $5 you can download it three times in either SD or HD, stream it three times (on your phone for example) burn it, and watch it as many times as you want.
Fourth, and finally, $1 of that $5 goes to the Bob Woodruff Foundation to help injured U.S. service members. Not only can you laugh, but a small portion of that money can go to help the people who are injured serving the United States.
That's my best pitch. The choice is yours.
Nygaard is a third-year law student from Appleton, Wis.
FOOD
ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN BENEDICK
Damn,it feels good to be a sandwich
Yo, have you ever had a sandwich? I have! I've had multiple.
sandwiches, in fact. I had a sandwich earlier today! It was a ground beef patty and cheddar sandwich, also known as a "cheeseburger." Cheeseburgers like to pretend that they're not sandwiches, but they're just playing hard to get.
I'm writing about this amazing food product in celebration of Sandwich Appreciation Week, or I would be if that were a real holiday. Anyways, I'd like to share with you some amazing facts about sandwiches.
A lot of people don't know this, but sandwiches are the motherfreaking best. It doesn't matter what meat or plant-based paste you slap on the bread, it will always turn out righteous. Ham, turkey, peanut butter: there is no such thing as a bad sandwich topping (with the possible exception of chicken salad, which is delicious in theory but has been uniformly terrible every time I've ordered it).
Besides toppings, you can change up your sandwich by substituting different kinds of bread. There's white bread, rye, wheat, whole wheat, honey wheat and several thousand other variations on wheat. If this is your first time hearing about sandwiches, it might be a lot to take in, but trust me: If you stick with sandwiches, they'll never let you down (unless it is a chicken salad sandwich, which, again, will
be terrible).
Many people think that the Earl of Sandwich was the inventor of the sandwich, or at least gave it its name. This is, unfortunately, no more than a fanciful story. Sandwiches have, of course, existed since time immemorial and were first discovered in ancient Greece.
The story goes that Zeus of the Wandering Groin was cheating on his wife, Hera of the Jealous Ankles, with a wood nymph. When she discovered his philandering, she turned the nymph into a Reuben sandwich with a side of fries, and Zeus gobbled them up either in honor of the nymph or because he was hungry. Alternately, the chicken salad sandwich was created when Pandora opened her box and Evil spread into the world.
Of course, no discussion of the sandwich would be complete without a discussion of its place in our nation's history. During the battle of Gettysburg, the Confederate army threatened to overtake the Union flank. The men of the 20th Maine under command of Col. Joshua Chamberlain
were charged with its defense, but were low on ammunition and in need of a miracle. At that moment, Chamberlain downed a Philly cheesesteak and came up with the idea to charge the enemy. This is why Philly cheesesteak sandwiches are despised in the South.
Later, a sentient chicken salad sandwich shot President Lincoln.
As Sandwich Appreciation Week comes to a close, please remember to celebrate safely. I know many of you will be doing PBJ shots and deli stands, which is when you eat as many BLT sandwiches as you can while being held upside down, but please exercise moderation. Celebrate, but remember the spirit of Sandwich Appreciation Week.
We all remember the moment in Charles Dickens' classic, "A Sandwich Carol," when Scrooge is visited by the ghost of Sandwich Present and sees the Cratechit family happily eating sandwiches even though they can only afford measly chicken salad sandwiches. He's so overcome with compassion, he buys them all French dip sandwiches and they eat happily ever after.
The good book says it best:
"Whoever does not love does not know sandwiches, because sandwiches are love."
Schumaker is a senior in film and media studies and English from Overland Park.
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THE EDITORIAL BOARD Members of the Hansen Editorial Board are Ian Cummings, Lisa Cause, Jon Samp, Angela Hawkins and Ryan Schiesner.