Volume 124 Issue 128
kansan.com
Thursday, April 5, 2012
NEW RANKINGS RELEASED Where the Jayhawks might stand next year PAGE 8
COMMENTARY
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PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY TRAVIS YOUNG
Breaking up is hard to do ALTHOUGH NEVER EASY, OVERCOMING A BREAKUP CAN MAKE YOU STRONGER.
// ALIZA CHUDNOW
All it took was one phone call two summers ago for senior Lindsay Ward to know what was coming. She had been dating her boyfriend for nine months, and this phone call was going to end it all. At the beginning of their relationship, they always got along and enjoyed spending time outdoors together. But soon, Ward's then-boyfriend became distant and started acting differently toward her. It was apparent that something in their relationship wasn't the same, and at the beginning of July came that phone call she was dreading. "I was in Dallas for the summer, and he was back in Kansas. Every time we talked he acted different. I wasn't sure what was up with him, and the thought of him cheating on me even began to cross my mind," Ward said. "He hadn't talked to me in four days, and when he finally did, he initiated the breakup."
College is a time to explore mature romantic relationships, so when one ends, it can be extremely painful. After Ward's breakup, she could not fully grasp why things ended how they did. "My first thought was, 'What did I do wrong?'
Ward says. "After all the good experiences we shared, I just couldn't understand why he didn't want to be with me anymore."
A licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, Joyce Thompson, says it's normal for people to experience these feelings, but the most important thing to acknowledge after a bad breakup is what the relationship really meant to you. Was it true love, or do you just miss the companionship? "I always tell my clients not to run away from their feelings," Thompson says. "Figure out what it that was wrong and what triggered the breakup first, then re-examine yourself and what you have learned."
Once summer ended and Ward was back at KU, she realized that she was back in the environment where she always hung out with her ex. Being at school brought back a lot of old feelings she had for him and made it even harder to move on. "It was awkward going to all the places where we hung out together, and made me unhappy to see all of his friends," Ward said. "I felt insecure not having him there with me anymore."
After breakups, moments of insecurity
and sadness happen. Thompson says it is extremely important to surround yourself with trusted friends who will be there for you when you are having a hard time dealing with these feelings.
For Ward, having friends who offered moral support really helped her sort through her emotions. During that school year, she lived in a house with 12 other girls and became close to many of her roommates. When she was upset, there was always someone to talk to and there were people who empathized with Ward's situation. "Through my friends' support and witnessing similar experiences that they went through, helped me realize that my breakup was for the best," Ward said. "Instead of focusing on him all the time I was able to focus on myself."
Brenna Brown, a senior from Wichita had a similar experience. She was dating her boyfriend of almost two years when one night, out of the blue, he sent her a Facebook message to tell her he had cheated on her. "It was like he was trying to get me to break up with him," Brown says. "And it worked. I was devastated; for weeks I was really emotional and irritable."
The next couple of weeks consisted of Brown trying to contact him and work it out, but after awhile she realized if she wanted to move on, she had to cut all ties and stop communicating with him all together. "Every time I thought about him, I would try to divert my attention to something else," Brown savs.
Relationship Counselor Linda Stiles believes that although it is important to stay busy after a breakup, it is also essential to honor the need to heal and not ignore any unwanted feelings. "Although difficult, working through a breakup can also be very healing." Stiles said. "Every experience provides some kind of growth opportunity. The more we learn from each experience, the better our future relationships can be."
It may have taken a while, but now, both Ward and Brown are happily dating other people. After meeting their current boyfriends, who make them feel happy and confident being themselves, they realized that it is never okay to settle for someone who doesn't make them feel their best. "I now understand why I was unhappy and know that I never deserved to feel that way," Ward says. "From my past relationship, I learned that nobody deserves to be with someone who doesn't completely love and cherish them."
watching a ball game
I applaud the majority of Kansas fans who handled the loss Monday night gracefully. Losing in the National Championship game hurts, but Kansas fans took the loss in stride and turned a negative into a positive by showing united school pride.
Other aspects of life exist beyond sports. Sports are just games and sheer entertainment. Sports can be a way of life, but not the way of life. Your life, which consists of family, relationships, finances, sustenance and career aspirations, is more important than whether or not your team wins a ball game.
The Kentucky basketball players and coaches deserve the NCAA National Championship, but the Kentucky basketball fans don't deserve it, even though it's only a pittance of bad apples that ruined a good tree. Their classless acts during Final Four weekend in Lexington, Ky., are an embarrassment to sports and society.
Edited by Jeff Karr
from practice because of a physical week that they had endured. The players will be in full pads for the rest of the spring, except for the April 13 practice. Instead of full pads, players will wear only helmets and shoulder pads.
For the season's third practice, the Jayhawks worked inside of Memorial Stadium. The move from the practice field was because the team hosted recruits on campus for "Junior Day." The Saturday practice marked the first time the team practiced in full pads this spring and under coach Charlie Weis.
PLAYERS PRACTICE INSIDE MEMORIAL STADIUM
COACH WEIS RETURNS FROM NEW ORLEANS
Weis returned from New Orleans Tuesday. After Monday's practice, he flew down to support the men's basketball team in the National Championship game.
DEFENSE WILL PLAY A BASE 4-3
At his press conference last week, Weis announced the defense listed in the initial depth chart was a 4-3 base defense. He said this does not mean they will always play with four down linemen and three linebackers, but that they will also show some different formations. Most of the time, though, the personnel on the field will translate into the 4-3.
lation of team rules. He was a first team all-district, all-area and all-city selection his senior year of high school. Green redshirted last season.
FOUR PLAYERS LIMITED IN THE SPRING
MAURA SWITCHES POSITIONS
Sophomore Brian Maura is the only player to switch from one side of the ball to the other now that Weis and his staff have moved him from receiver to safety this spring. Maura played in four
Sophomore running back Brandon Bourbon, junior defensive tackles John Williams and Kevin Young and Maura will be limited during this spring practice season. Weis said at last week's press conference that none of the players are out for the spring, but will be limited in the contact drills.
Edited by Christine Curtin
conference, Weis said he was informed that the case would be presented before the caseworker left his office last Thursday. The Jayhawks should have the result soon. If McCay's waiver request is granted, he will be allowed to play immediately. If he isn't, he will have to sit out one year before being able to play for the Jayhawks.
ASHLEIGH LEE/KANSAN FILE PHOTO
Running back James Sims swiftly moves to avoid getting tackled. Coach Weis has been changing things up during spring practices this semester.
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