Volume 124 Issue 119
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Friday, March 16, 2012
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1904
--would pop lucid and casual into conversation, asking me what was wrong, only to fumble over an illogical statement and lapse once more into the void.
The Dark Night of the Soul Standing by those we love, even in the hardest of times. //JOHN GARFIELD
The night before the orderlies took her, she wept and gnashed her teeth. My sweetheart writted despondently in the dark, her family and closest friends hovering tentatively outside her room. An inescapable air of powerlessness haunted those who tried in vain to help — an unbearable likeness to a scene from a bad exorcism movie.
Everyone walked on eggshells around her, speaking to her like a child. She
She was my first real love. When all our friends were competitive and dramatic, we laid back and enjoyed a thing based on friendship, and the novelty that
The whole time, I felt nothing save des peration, the lump in my throat and the notion that the night would never end.
A self-portrait by John Garfield's ex-girlfriend taken during the time period described in his essay
CONTRIBUTED PHOTO
came from having tried to resist. She was, after all, my good friend's little sister, so things had been slow to build.
Wed been together just over six months when she began her unwind. It was, at first, a series of unhealthy but seemingly harmless fixations. She relived conflicts in her head, obsessing over a girl who had jeered at her Asian heritage, and lamenting minute criticisms from her art and philosophy teachers.
She began pouring herself into art that became increasingly abrasive, irreverent and accosting. She became enraged by criticism of her photographs of blank surfaces, out-of-focus still-lives and disturbingly wild-eyed self-portraits.
One day, I arrived at her house to see junk mail spread across her kitchen counter. She was livid, almost to tears, thinking that her philosophy teacher had conspired with the racist girl to send her the flyers as a convoluted prank.
When she finally embraced the other side, she entered an ethereal world defined by the intricacies of color. Obscure and specific hues took the place of adjectives as she spoke like a shaman of the world she perceived.
After a couple weeks, her family and I could no longer deny what was happening — that this would not simply go away — and every day became like purgatory. We could see and touch the girl we cared for, but when she talked, she was no longer herself.
I will always remember the night I begged her to come back to the world of the living, to snap out of it so she wouldn't have to go away. The night was malaise incarnate. I felt dry inside, my constitution bleached as I lay there, placating the creature she had become.
I wanted her to recognize once more the mores, folkways and contrivances of our society. Her glossy-eyed refusal to buy back in cut me to the bone and to this day affects the way I see humanity.
Death may be a ruthless thief and
tyrant, but madness is a sadist. Madness that does not permit closure, taunts you with the eyes of your loved one, not permitting you to know if their divine spark will align again behind their eyes.
The day after they committed my girlfriend, my mother took me aside. She loved the girl but could see the toll things had taken on me. There were tears in her eyes when she slacked her bear hug enough that I could see her face as she told me that my short relationship did not make this my battle. I could tell it brought her great pain, trying to absolve me of my burden.
I understood her argument, as she was essentially right, but no part of me would humor the notion of running away. If it had been anyone I cared about, I would have done the same thing.
Regardless of what it could have meant that this girl would go so far away, the person who laid there, unkempt, was in no way inhuman. She deserved love and attention exactly as much as anyone who is able to recall their assignments, their bank balance or their plans for the future.
Time would see her on her feet again, defiant of the pigeonholes she was prescribed. In a year, she had kicked the poison they were feeding her, and was brighter and more confident than ever. The dark night of her soul became a distant and unclear memory.
Another few years would find us happily in the arms of others, important but increasingly distant memories to each other. No matter how much time passes, I will always respect myself for sticking by her when even the most compassionate person I knew told me I didn't have to.
I didn't do it to be a martyr or to earn points for the afterlife. I did it for her, and I did it because I would hope that my friends would have done the same for me. I'm not sure what type of person I would have needed to be to leave her alone in her moment of need, but I know for a fact that I would not have been myself.
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A serial rapist's attacks in Lawrence and Manhattan during university breaks have prompted safety warnings to students in the past, but none have been issued this year.
Captain Paul Fellers of theLawrence police department said the
Warnings told students to exercise caution and remain aware of sexual assaults. The city of Lawrence, University officials and the Kansas Attorney General issued the warnings after the attorney general announced in March 2009 that six Lawrence rapes, seven Manhattan rapes and an attempted rape in Manhattan may be related, with the last known rape occurring in Lawrence in December 2008.
$175 worth participant Wednesday Union. The adged by a d stylist and
The last warning issued to students about sexual assault was before the University's spring break last year.
during break periods but at all times of the year.
No public suspects have been
"Sexual assault is very serious. It can and does happen at many different times during the year," Fellers said. "We do want people to be aware, but we don't want people to let their guard down just because spring break is over."
The rapist is known to stalk his victims and is described as a white male between the age of 25 and 40. He is said to be between 5-foot-9 and six-feet tall and between 160 to 175 pounds. He covered his face during many of the attacks and had some sort of weapon at some of the attacks.
The first known rape occurred during the fall of 2000 in Manhattan, and the first attack in Lawrence was July 2004. All of the victims in Lawrence were University students at the time of the attacks.
"A lot of times I will call a friend when I walk alone, and I always lock all my doors," Tran said. "My parents have always taught me safety but being alone on campus and at home has definitely made me more aware of my surroundings."
Edited by Bre Roach
Theresa Tran, a junior from Liberty, Mo. said she heard about the case previously and always tried to follow safety tips.
The Emily Taylor Women's Resource Center cautions students to trust their instincts and to always alert someone if they are uncomfortable, even a building manager.
"The investigation remains open and law enforcement will follow up on all leads," Jeff Wagaman said, Deputy Chief of Staff for the attorney general.
is still under investigation.
Dec. 29, 2004 - a man entered an apartment inside Highpointe Apartments at 2001 W. Sixth Street and raped two female University students, ages 19 and 20.
Dec. 1, 2008 - a 15-year-old University student was raped in her home near Holcom Park.
apartment in 3800 block of Clinton Parkway and raped a sleeping University student. She was in her twenties.
June 13, 2008 - a 21-year-old sleeping University student was sexually assaulted in her apartment in Southwest Lawrence.
March 22, 2008 - a man entered an apartment in Lorimar Townhomes at 3801 Clinton Parkway and raped a 20-year-old female University student.
TRAVIS YOUNG/KANSAN
James Lamsdell, a graduate student from Iver, United Kingdom, said he was struggling to transition his look from grad school comfort to business casual. Taja Loren, a senior from Kansas City, Kan, who styled Lamsdell, said finding clothing for her client was a challenge because of the limited selection of men's clothing in Lawrence's stores. He walked the runway in basics he could wear several different ways.
CLASSIFIEDS 11
CROSSWORD 4
CRYPTOQUIPS 4
OPINION 5
SPORTS 12
SUDOKU 4
all contents, unless stated otherwise. © 2012 The University Daily Kansan
Don't forget
Today's Weather
The KU School of Music presents Imani Winds "Informance" in Murphy Hall from 9 to 10:30 a.m.
Overcast skies, light south wind with a 20 percent chance of precipitation.
Hot and ready for spring break