Volume 124 Issue 109
kansan.com
Friday, March 2, 2012
THE FINAL NIGHT
SPEAK
Next to normal //ALIZA CHUDNOW Aliza is learning to let go of her resentment and to embrace her big sister.
CONTRIBUTED PHOTO
Aliza (right) as a 9-year-old, shares a moment with her older sister
I waited into the psychiatric ward of the Dallas Children's Medical Center, immediately searching for my 17-year-old sister. I scanned one face after another, trying to locate her familiar shiny, dark hair, big-toothed smile and bright green eyes. When I finally found her balled up in a corner, she was hardly recognizable. Her hair was dried out, frizzy and looked days un-brushed. She had lost a good 15 pounds and her chapped lips were surrounded by sores. Her hands were a purple color and her fingernails were yellow, but what got me the most was her eyes. My sister has always had the most striking green eyes, full of energy and life.
When I looked into them that day all I saw was black, darkness. I knew that nothing with this picture was right. I had to get out of there. I began to shake and wanted to do nothing more than fall down on my knees and beg God for my big sister back. Instead, I sat there in silence. Moments later, she slowly made her way up to me, and whispered, "You don't have to worry. They are coming to get me."
My parents said my sister had a mental breakdown. When I saw her, I knew it was something more. In the past, shed dealt with anorexia and some behavioral problems and had been attending a special
school in Vermont her last two years of high school to help her manage these issues. I'd seen her in the hospital before, but not like this.
Once I got home that night, I began to sob. As I continued to replay the day's events in my head, my tears turned to anger. I was 14. I spent my life admiring my sister, looking up to her. This was not supposed to happen. My sister was supposed to be my protector. She was supposed to show me the ropes of high school and give me advice that only an older sister could give. I vowed that after I got all my tears out, this would be the last time I allowed myself to be sad over her. She was no longer "sissy" to me.
Six weeks later, my sister was released from the hospital with an official diagnosis: schizoaffective disorder. There are plenty of official definitions of the disorder, but all I knew was it made her a complete mental case. Numerous times during the next four years, I opened up the pantry in our kitchen and saw her sitting there, yelling at me to shut the door before "they" took her away. Or heard her screaming at the top of her lungs that she was going to kill herself, while I'd wrestle her to the ground after she attempted to grab a handful of pills. My home life was in constant chaos. The crazier she got, the more I hated her. At times my anger got the best of me. I would flip her off, or call her a mental case to her face. My only escape was school. There I was normal; happy even.
From about 11th grade on, I spent most of my time at my friends houses, yearning to be anywhere but my own. I sometimes even caught myself fantasizing about being in their families. I would eat family dinners with them, and enjoy their family movie nights. But at the end of the day, I had to go back to my house. For the longest time I completely resented that.
It wasn't until the end of my senior year when I finally cracked and cried to someone other than my blanket about my sister. Her illness had gotten really bad, so my parents decided to move her to an assisted living home in Michigan, where people with disabilities like hers lived. Since her diagnosis, things were never the same with my sister and me. I learned to avoid her completely or give her one-word answers when I was forced to talk to her.
That night when she said bye to me, I gave her a small hug, (probably the first time we hugged since that day in the hospital). I almost lost it. Once she was gone, I started to hyperventilate. The past four years I had treated her like complete shit. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she was sick and didn't do any of this to herself. I immediately picked up the phone and dialed my best friend Christie's number. As soon as she answered, I started sobbing. My friends knew about my sister, but I never really talked about her. When they did bring her up, I just sort of laughed her off, so crying to Christie was a big step for me. I sobbed over the phone with her for hours, and she sat on the other end, not reassuring me that everything was going to be okay andnot telling me what I wanted to hear. Instead she just listened to my sobs until they subdued. Finally she spoke: "Your sister still loves you, you know, and I know you love her too."
That was almost four years ago. My sister is now back in Dallas. She is doing a lot better, attending community college classes and working with my dad. As for me, well, I have made amazing friends at KU, but none of them know this side of my life. For the longest time I was ashamed of my sister. When I came to college, I realized I didn't have to tell anyone about her, and as time went on, it got harder and harder to talk about her with people. I blocked the past out of my memory. I have always had fears of people judging me, and I never wanted other people's pity by telling them a "sob story." But this is me. I'm not perfect. As much as I fantasized about that perfect family, my family is not perfect.
For my 13th birthday my sister gave me a ring, which I have worn every day since. I constantly look down at my ring, and it brings me back to years ago when we stayed up late watching "American Sweethearts" or played cooking show at our grandma's house. Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about who my sister would be if she had never gotten sick, who I would be. Then I realize there is no use looking back. As hard as it is, I have slowly started to remind myself that it is time to let go of the past. Before it's too late, I know I need to form a relationship with the person she is now; still my family, still my sister.
RTH/KANSAN ar and Smoke.
oh Wise
ate.gov
Director of Public Safety and Chief of Police Ralph Oliver said cameras are monitored at night by student security officers and cameras are added to campus every year. Since a string of criminal activity in 2005, The University of Kansas Public Safety Office has added surveillance cameras to campus in hopes to reduce the crime rate on campus.
After multiple cars were broken into at the Lied Center parking lot as well as incidents at GSP and Corbin, cameras were placed in various locations on campus. The number of cameras on campus is not disclosed, for security reasons.
"Right now we have cameras in every major parking lot, one of our long term goals is to get cameras in every parking lot," Oliver said.
ecuting them," Oliver said.
According to Diane Goddard, vice provost for administration and finance, since the surveillance cameras were installed, the number of criminal offenses reported on campus has generally been declining since 2005. The statistics for 2011 are still being finalized and have not been released.
"While we understand the importance of having cameras on campus as one component of safety on campus, it would be unrealistic to expect a direct correlation between the number of cameras on campus and crime rate," Goddard said. "The factors that affect whether a
However, the cameras alone will not always prevent crime from happening.
SEE CAMERAS PAGE 8A
But nutritionists say students should consider all their food options before choosing to eat fast food.
breakfast, and make sure to eat a meal or snack every four hours, which properly nourishes the body and helps people avoid binges.
Chapman said students eat two to three times the amount of meat needed, and twice as much starch.
"On campus, fast food places are faster and more convenient than healthier places," said Joseph Rorabaugh, a graduate student in dietetics, from Winthrop, Iowa.
Rorabaugh and Chapman agree students that should maintain a balanced diet to keep off the pounds and stay in shape. Rorabaugh recommends that a
"We need those foods, but we're getting way too many of them," Chapman said.
"The most important thing for students to do is keep healthy snacks in the dorm room," said Deanna Mortiner, a graduate student in dietetics, from The Bahamas.
Students should be as mindful of their snacking habits as they are of their meal selections.
When hunger pangs call during a late night study session, students should turn to healthier alternatives, such as string cheese, fruits, and healthy granola bars, Mortiner said.
Both Rorabaugh and Mortiner emphasized that students should take note of portion sizes.
student's plate should consist of a quarter of vegetables, grains, fruit and lean protein.
CRYPTOQUIPS 4A
OPINION 5A
CLASSIFIEDS 2B
CROSSWORD 4A
Whether it's a large pizza
Beverage selection is also important. Red Bull and soda, especially grape and orange flavor, have high calories.
Mortimer also said students should try drinking a couple glasses of water before eating, as people can sometimes mistake
SPORTS 1B
SUDOKU 4A
Alcohol also has a high calorie content. Some alcoholic drinks can have up to 800 calories each, Mortiner said.
or a buffet,
Rorabaugh suggests asking yourself.
"Do I really need to eat this all?"
Filling a smaller plate or only eating one slice of pizza can make a thousand-calorie difference.
— Keep healthy snacks handy, like fruit, string cheese, and healthy granola bars
SEE NUTRITION PAGE 8A
Each meal should be half vegetables and fruit, a quarter grains and a quarter lean protein
Eat a meal or a snack every four hours to avoid binge-eating later
— Avoid energy drinks, soda and alcoholic beverages, as they all have a high calorie count
Drink water before eating
Eat breakfast, because it kickstarts your metabolism for the day
Before eating anything, ask yourself if you really need to eat it
Don't forget
unless stated otherwise, © 2012 The University Daily Kansan
— Take pictures of your meals or keep a food journal
All day tomorrow at Wesce Hall is the KATG Schulerkongress, a competition of German language and literature.
Today's Weather
Mostly cloudy with a chance of rain shows. North winds, mostly clear at night.
9.
Come rain or come shine.