MONDAY, JANUARY 30, 2012
PAGE 5
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opinion
That awkward moment when your sister's email is hacked and she sends a Canadian pharmaceutical ad for Viagra to your mom's boss.
Walked behind Jeff Withey on campus today. Not only does he block shots, he even blocks the sun from my eyes. #blockmaster
What do you get when you cross T cells with a retrovirus? A biology major's thesis.
The elevator maintenance staff for Fraser is outraged by the recent FFA posts.
Dear editor, I've always wondered... how much do you judge us for some of these submissions? Editor's note: Sometimes when I read the FFAs, I lose hope in humanity.
English majors, the gauntlet has been thrown. At dawn, WE RIDE.
A bad TA is unintelligible. A good TA is prepared to spend extra time to ensure you understand the subject. A great TA plays laser tag with your entire lab.
You can thank me for defeating the whale in Potter Lake.
Nine out of 10 dentists agree that Mizzou is awful.
Girl on bus: "it really does affect going out on a weeknight" ...well no shit Sherlock.
I'm a student ambassador and I explain the FFA to all my tour groups. They need to understand...
I'm an art major, but my back-up plan was engineering. Is it really so hard for the two to get along?
Next time you hear a girl say all guys are assholes and there aren't any good guels, tell her to check the friend zone.
So you're 21? Explain to me again why you're at The Hawk?
All the other route 43 drivers now have the mentality of "If you can do it for Dan why can't you do it for me?" its because you don't sing and whistle.
To whoever lost their dignity: I found it half-dead laying in the gutter next to my standards.
Did you really think geology would be exciting? #captainobvious
"You could be the good kind of plastic surgeon."
"Like doing breast implants?"
If you hop on the back of the bus and block the entrance, I will bowl you over.
I spent Friday night with my parents. It was totally worth it because I saw my mom drunk for the first time and she won $13 off a lottery ticket with her "lucky dime" and gave me the money.
"My kids just need to be attractive. I can beat intelligence into them." #lovemyroommate
The fart pack system actually seems like a great idea to me, especially on a cold days like today. #mavioin
Who else noticed the matching Nike shoes on Iowa State's coaches?
Communication skills are deteriorating
HUMOR
The art of conversation is slowly disappearing as email and text become a preferred method.
I don't want to sound conceited, but I'm a pretty good conversationalist. I'm fairly witty and sometimes even enthralling. I can hold your attention, and I'm extremely tactful. Most importantly, I can personally guarantee that I will make you laugh at some point during our conversation.
Unfortunately, I'll never hear that laugh. It will be sent to my phone as a series of electronic frequencies and will read either "haha" or "lol."
My powers as a conversationalist are extremely limited. They don't apply to most real world situations. Ladies, if you bring me home to meet your family, I won't be able to charm your mother with my dashing good looks and smooth compliments, and I won't be able to win over your protective father with well-told tales of my high school football glory days.
But none of that matters, because I probably won't be able to win your heart in the first place, unless your favorite form of communication is texting, and you prefer the strong, silent type.
Perhaps the answer for me is to seek out a long distance relationship. Maybe what I need is a blind text hook-up with the friend of a friend who goes to school in
Tennessee. Maybe that will give me the opportunity to show my true colors before she encounters my fatal flaw. Sure, the first time we meet in person is bound to be awkward, with me stuttering, attempting to answer her questions in a coherent manner, and attempting to hold back nervous tears.
If you currently think I'm all sorts of pathetic, let me explain to you the advantages of my condition. We've entered the age of texting. Yes, verbal communication is still around, and even quite popular in some cultures, but I am the communicator of the future. As the era of face-to-face conversation dies out, I will rise from the ashes of those less skilled in the art of texting.
For those of you who think I have little chance of surviving in the professional world, fear not: I'm also quite skilled at emailing.
So, I'll put up with the taunting for now. I'll watch the funny, engaging guy get the girl every time, even though he's slightly less handsome than me. I'll put off dating and friendship for a few years. I still have Chat Roullette to keep me company, even though I skip to the next person automatically when someone tries to start a conversation with me.
Additionally, I can post a memo on the office bulletin board and scurry away to my corner office faster than the guys from LMFAO can do the shuffle.
Long story short, I'm not ashamed of my condition. Okay, I'm slightly ashamed of my condition. More importantly, though, I'm hopeful for the future. When the rise of texting has withered away the communication skills of those around me until they are as decept and impersonal as mine, I'll finally be the alpha male. I'll probably even run for president. So, all the single ladies out there, put your hands up. And try to slip me your cell phone number during class so I can shoot you a text later.
Ethan Lovell is a sophomore in creative writing from Overland Park.
POLITICS
Ryan Benedick
Point, Counterpoint: Controversy surrounds parts of the recent National Defense Authorization Act
On December 31, 2011, President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act. Under this law, the U.S. government can indefinitely detain people who participated in the September 11 attacks or members of terrorist organizations.
The National Defense Authorization Act has already been passed and signed into law, but one particular section is still getting a lot of attention, and rightly so.
Portions of the NDAA authorize indefinite detention of suspected terrorists. The bill includes vague language that is so flexible in nature that it could be used to intern individuals who are part of movements who have some goals similar to violent terrorist organizations, but use peaceful means in order to bring about political change (Amnesty International, Jan. 5).
The bill also stipulates that individuals held at Guantanamo Bay who are exonerated must be kept in custody if there is any case of detainee recidivism in the exonerated detainee's country, which essentially holds each individual responsible forth exactions of another citizen of his or her country (Congressional Research Service, Jan. 11).
There are no geographical limitations that prevent people from being detained far from the battlegrounds of war, which also provides possibilities for abuse.
This bill provides funding for Veteran's Affairs, funds suicide prevention program, ensures all deployed service members receive multiple individual mental health assessments, and instructs the Department of Defense to research and report on identifying and treating post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury.
President Obama signed the bill into law with "serious reservations." He had the opportunity to take a firm stance supporting human rights and veto the NDAA despite the fact that it would be overridden; but because of political pressure and the recent lack of cooperation from across the aisles he made the decisions to compromise. While I support compromise in some situations in which it awards to greater beneficial productivity, President Obama should not have compromised here.
In recent days, Congressman Ron Paul of Texas has been pushing support for a repeal of Section 1021 to prevent what he calls the possibility of American citizens being detained indefinitely. Regardless of whether or not the ambiguous language could be applied specifically to U.S. citizens in future administrations, repealing this section is a necessary protection of human rights.
RESPONSES:
(Jacob's arguments are in italics. Kelly's responses are below.)
Mr. Keplar is absolutely right. There
RESPONSES:
are numerous aspects of the NDAA that authorize the funding for programs indispensable for our military, particularly those for veterans' healthcare and suicide prevention. The bill also addresses response to sexual assault in the military, which needs attention. That value cannot be denied
If President Obama had vetoed the bill, it is likely that his veto would not have hampered any of these programs. In that sense, it would not have prevented indefinite detention at a fundamental level, either; this is because the bill likely had enough votes to override a veto. President Obama's veto still would have meant something, however, in the sense that he would have made a stronger statement about the value of protecting human rights as well as the practice of adding controversial sections to an otherwise important and passable piece of legislation, something of which individuals both parties have been guilty.
The bill also provides funding for counterterrorism operations including the offering of rewards, assisting countries whose militaries are also combating terrorism, instructs the Department of Defense to assess and report on money given to Pakistan for its assistance during Operation Enduring Freedom and funds and supports special operations forces.
In an ideal world, the clauses related to indefinite detention would not have any bearing on whether or not individuals stood in support or against a bill funding the military. It is important to remember that any opposition to the NDAA or support of a veto because of the indefinite detention clauses is not an anti-soldier stance or a dismissal of the value of providing our troops with important services. On the contrary, such opposition to the NDAA is in support of human rights.
Kelly Cosby is a senior in political science and English from Overland Park.
When President Obama recently signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act, criticism of his decision began immediately. Most of this criticism has been centered on only one section of the act and failed to recognize the many parts of the NDAA that are both useful and necessary.
Although the war in Iraq has ended and the withdrawal from Afghanistan has already begun, many veterans and current service members still require, and will so for some time, medical care and mental health treatment. The NDAA funds the Defense Healthcare Program which provides medical services for active duty military personnel.
A study conducted by the Center for New American Security and later presented to Congress showed that suicides in the military have spiked in recent years, particularly in the Army. Funds for suicide prevention programs and mental health assessment were appropriated in the NDAA. The act also instructs the Department of Defense to research and report on methods of identifying and treating post-traumatic disorder and traumatic brain injury. Military and veterans' healthcare will be crucial over the next few years and the NDAA provides funding to address this issue.
In last week's State of the Union Address, President Obama reiterated America's commitment to stopping Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon. The NDAA imposes financial sanctions against Iran, including its central bank, in an effort to place further pressure on the Iranian government.
In President Obama's recently announced strategic guidance, a greater emphasis will be placed on the Asia-Pacific region. In keeping in line with the president's new strategy, the NDAA instructs the Department of Defense to review the military capabilities of China and North Korea and report on their findings.
In order to continue combating terrorism, the NDAA funds several counterterrorism efforts including the offering of rewards for information, assisting countries who are battling terrorism in their own countries, and funding for special operations forces. The act also orders of review of money given to Pakistan for its help in Afghanistan.
Bills like the NDAA are critical to provide the health care that many veterans will need. The flaws in the bill are small in number and can be addressed separately now that President Obama has signed the NDAA into law.
RESPONSES:
(Kelly's arguments are in italics. Jacob's responses are below.)
Section 1031 of the National Defense Authorization Act includes vague language that
is so flexible in nature that it could be used to intern individuals who are part of movements who have some goals similar to violent terrorist organizations but who use peaceful means in order to bring about political change. It also stipulates that individuals held at Guantanamo Bay who are exonerated must be kept in custody there if there is any case of detainee recidivism in the exonerated detainees country, which essentially holds each individual responsible for the actions of any other citizen of his or her country.
The possibility of abusing the powers provided by the NDAA is certainly a very valid concern. But these powers are likely to disappear as they are already being challenged.
The American Civil Liberties Union vowed to fight the bill immediately after its signing. Ron Paul recently took a day out of his campaign and returned to Washington where he introduced a bill that will repeal section 1021 of the NDAA, the section that provides the government with an expansive authority to detain individuals. Even though President Obama signed the NDAA into law, he claimed he had serious reservations about the bill and signed statements promising never to use the authority given to him and his administration.
President Obama had the opportunity to take a firm stance supporting human rights and veto NDAA, but because of political pressure and the recent lack of cooperation from across the aisle, he made the decision to compromise. While I support compromise in situations in which it leads to greater productivity, President Obama should not have compromised here.
Between the President's signed statements and recently introduced legislation by Ron Paul, the authority provided by the NDAA is unlikely to ever be used. In order to pass these important pieces, politics, not common sense, included one section into the bill that provides the government with an over-reaching authority. But with the opposition to this section, it is likely that section 1021 will ultimately be repealed.
Jacob Keplar is a junior from Rosalia, KS.
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