Volume 124 Issue 84
kansan.com
Friday, January 27, 2012
the student voice since 1904
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PAGE 3
LOVE
Love from a distance
PHOTO BY TYLER ROSTE
// RACHEL SCHWARTZ
EVEN WHEN MILES APART. COUPLES CAN STILL MAKE RELATIONSHIPS WORK
After being on campus all day and having their faces crammed in books, some couples enjoy cuddling up next to each other and watching a movie or just talking. However, there are some couples that don't have this luxury.
About 4.5 million unmarried college students are in long-distance relationships, according to the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships. Not seeing or even talking to your partner regularly requires more effort for couples to keep their relationships afloat. Keeping long-distance relationships alive requires couples to work hard and follow certain tips.
Kirsten Oelklaus, therapist at Insight Counseling, LLC in Overland Park, thinks couples in long-distance relationships need to focus on fostering connection in their relationships. She says the
way to do this is by "still making that person a priority in your life when that person isn't in front of you."
Kelsie Fiss, sophomore from Prairie Village, and her boyfriend Tom Wegener, sophomore at the University of Missouri, have been together for almost one year. Even though they are both very busy and sometimes only have time to talk on the phone once a week, Fiss says their relationship works because of the amount of trust and discipline both of them have in each other.
Fiss says it is hard because in long-distance relationships couples don't get to experience little things in the everyday life of their partner. "Since we're far apart and college is a big part of peoples' lives, we don't get to share the little life experiences that people who are together take for granted."
Oelklaus says since that person isn't there to experience life with you,it's important to fill your partner in on the details of your everyday life.
Even though Fiss and Wegener don't have phone conversations everyday, they check in with each other every night, even if it's just through texting. She is willing to put in the extra effort because she says she enjoys talking to Wegener at the end of each day. "He is someone I can trust and that understands me," Fiss says.
Trust is an important part of long-distance relationships. Hillary Lawrence, junior from Andover, was in a long-distance relationship her freshman year with a guy who lived in Andover, more than two hours from Lawrence. This relationship lasted for more than a year, but Lawrence later found out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her for about half of the relationship. "After that, there was a lack of trust. He was so far away. Even though he said he wouldn't do it again, how could I verify it since I wasn't there?" Lawrence says.
Lack of trust is one reason that long-distance relationships are not right for everybody, Oelklaus says. "Some people have unresolved trust issues or have difficulties with expressing emotions and communicating. Until those are resolved it could negatively impact the relationship."
Communication is vital in any relationship. In standard relationships, when there are problems, couples can just resolve them when they see each other. But, in long-distance relationships, couples can't do that. Oelklaus says these couples need to make time to resolve issues. "It's important to resolve the small problems before they get big."
If you are trying to decide if a long-distance relationship could work for you, Oelklaus says there are some questions you should ask yourself: First, do I
like this person? Is this person important enough for me to try this? Am I willing to do the extra work it takes to make sure the relationship is good and healthy?
Wartime Romance In 2011, the military divorce rate was 3.7 percent, the highest it has been since 1999, according to USA Today. Spc. Tim Strandquist and his now-wife Teresa, who lived in Dallas, made their relationship work while he was deployed in Africa. Tim says it was difficult because he didn't get to be there for Teresa's graduation from college. "The difference between a military deployment and a regular long-distance relationship is that you can't just leave wherever you are and quit to go see the other person." Tim says.
Tim says it was important for him to remember things Teresa had previously told him. If she had told him before that she was going to a party, he had to remember to ask her about that next time. Teresa says the hardest part for her was not being able to talk to or see Tim whenever she had a problem. Even though she had a hard time with this, Teresa says writing was the best thing for her to stay connected to Tim. "If I really wanted to tell him something, I'd jot it down so I wouldn't forget." Teresa says.
These are some of the techniques this couple used to stay connected. They are now expecting a baby, which Tim says will make his next deployment difficult, but they will still make it work.
face.
"I wasn't meeting people," she said. "I was kind of going through people withdrawals."
Determined to overcome her situation she turned to the Internet. Jankord began to scour through blogs and websites in search of a solution to her problem. Her search first brought her to the 365 Project, an initiative in which participants take one photograph each day for an entire year.
"A lot of people I knew were doing the 365 Project so I decided to do something more original," she said.
Relentlessly, she continued to search until finally she came across something that was new to her and grabbed her attention.
Unlike the 365 Project, 100 Strangers is a project that requires socialization. The first objective of
class," Jankord said. "An elderly couple that I met by Potter Lake told me their life story."
The second half of the project is taking the photo (with permission) of the strangers who shared their story. While meeting new people and collecting the stories of strangers was appealing to Jankord, it was the second half of the project that intrigued her most of all.
She had hoped to be admitted to the School of the Arts to study photography, but was declined.100 Strangers became an opportunity for her to pursue her love of art as well as to build confidence and overcome the difficulties of meeting new people.
"This project stood out to me because I wanted to do something that involved photography," Jankord said.
Setting out and onto campus
Often times it is this fear of rejection that stunts our bravery and keeps us from meeting new people. Overcoming her nerves, Jankord has continued to collect strangers and has now documented the photographs and stories of nearly twenty strangers.
She remembers not being very nervous in the beginning.
"I think what she's doing is pretty courageous, daring," Teron Gaumer said after sharing a story with lankord and becoming one of her strangers.
"It was when I got my first rejection that I first got nervous," she said.
CLASSIFIEDS 7
CROSSWORD 4
Jankord is not the only student on campus participating in the project. Collin Ruffey
DE
ING
"It really helped me get out there and meet people," she said.
CRYPTOQUIPS 4
OPINION 5
Collin Baffa, a senior
"In day to day life you walk past so many people and you just have a brief encounter, you don't even notice them," he said. "Now I'm stopping people and getting to know them and it's interesting because they're often a lot more friendly than you would think."
According to the 100 Strangers page on Flickr, there are currently more than 7,000 participants.
TYLER BIERWIRTH/KANSAM
For more information about 100 Strangers, including portfolios of the project's participants, you can visit www.100strangers.com and www.flickr.com/groups/100strangers.
SPORTS 8
SUDOKU 4
Kody Collins, a sophomore from Overland Park, enjoys a non-alcoholic White Russian while dressed in character as "The Dude" during The Big Lebowski night at Jaybowl on Thursday. Students enjoyed free popcorn and bowling while watching the movie.
Baffa, much like Jankord, began the project as a way to grow as a photographer and to break out of social timidity.
from them."
Edited by Anna Allen
All contents, unless stated otherwise, © 2012 The University Daily Kansan
They've got shoes, but if you've got your own, bring 'em. Cosmic bowling at 10 p.m. at the Jaybowl in the Union.
Today's Weather
Forecasts done by
by students. For
a more detailed forecast.
see page 2A Break out those wellies!