4B=THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS
THURSDAY, FEB.14, 2002
Sensual oils, edible underwear make perfect gifts for Valentine's sweethearts
KIMBERLY THOMPSON/KANSAN
By Peter Black Jayplay writer
Edible undies, available at Naughty but Nice, 1741 Massachusetts St., run for about $6. Owner Richard Osburn said edible undies were a big seller around Valentine's Day.
To all of those people looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift this year, quit racking your brain about which kind of candy to buy and start thinking about something a little more bold.
Why not make this holiday a night of experimentation with a plentiful booty of sexual toys and accessories from stores around town?
Roses and chocolates no longer cut it. Times are changing and so are gifts. Perhaps you just started dating that special someone and are searching for a gift that won't scare him or her away, — turns out that that double-sided dildo you were considering isn't appropriate — so your best bet would probably be sensual body oils.
Oils are not only cheap, but they'll give you something to do later on in the evening. They also come in gift sets containing an array of scents and flavors, sometimes including a pair of handcuffs.
Some people may be planning to go to a nice romantic dinner, so try killing two birds with one stone and opt for the gift of edible panties. For under $15 at Priscilla's, 1206 W. 23rd St., you can buy a three-piece dinner including piña colada panties to whip your appetite, a forbidden fruit bra for the main course, and then wash it all down with pink champagne undies.
You've got one sure-fire way to surprise
that special someone you've been eying for weeks: a prosthetic penis strapped to your face, also known as the Accommodator.
What isn't accommodating about a penis on your chin? Besides being a great conversation piece, just imagine the possibilities the Accommodator offers.
As for the ageless conundrum of finding a gift for someone you've been dating for a long time, there's the problem of wanting to get something that
will surprise him or her. Give the gift that shows you are in it for the long haul and spring for the sex swing. Remember how much fun you had on the swing during recess? Well, the sex swing brings all of those memories flooding back and will create a whole lot more memories.
One last plea for gifts: With the economy spinning wildly out of control, do the patriotic thing and support smaller businesses. Hallmark and Godiva are doing just fine, but it's up to you to save the makers of the Accommodator and edible panties. Without your help this may be the last year you can walk around with a mouth full of undies and a bright shiny penis dangling off your face.
Contact Black at pblack@kansan.com.
This story was edited by Anne Mergenneier.
Valentine's gifts meant to symbolize love
By Meghan Brune Jayplay writer
Whether you believe Valentine's Day is a holiday created by greeting card companies or not, today is the day most people expect to get a gift from that certain someone. A Valentine's gift can proclaim love and devotion through pink hearts, chocolate boxes and stuffed teddy bears — or at least a dozen roses.
But what if your love is the kind that demands a bit more than the usual Valentine's fare? Or maybe the obvious gifts have lost meaning for you and your loved one?
"Each summer Jeff and I plant a tomato garden in his backyard," Bruce said. "This year I got him all the seeds and supplies."
Some University of Kansas students have found alternatives to the traditional Valentine's Day gifts of sweets and flowers. Sophomore Becky Bruce and her boyfriend, senior Jeff Allen, both of Leawood, Kan., try every Valentine's Day to find a memorable gift.
"My boyfriend senior year of high school gave me the spare key to his 79 green Ford Grenada,
with the license plate 'greenluw' and told me it symbolized the key to his heart I should have
heart. I should have known it was over right then."
Barb Kullbom Lincoln, Neb. sophomore
Gift ideas can include necessities such as clothes, boxes and cologne, or students with more cash can opt for concert tickets or a couples massage. A bit more inventive gift ideas include a basket of his or her favorite things, or something the two of you can share.
"I've never done it," Jeff Allen said,
"but some guy should write down every
fight he has ever had with his girlfriend, put it in a box and bury it on Valentine's Day."
But Valentine's salesman Frank Cherrito of Kansas City, Mo., set up a temporary shop at 23rd and Alabama streets in Lawrence Monday in preparation for the traditional, last-minute gift-seeking masses. Cherrito said he noticed a trend in these last-minute shoppers, probably people who waited too long or had forgotten about the holiday. His merchandise has included stuffed animals and red and colored roses by the dozen.
Some gifts, while creative, should be carefully considered, but most likely never given.
"My boyfriend senior year of high school gave me the spare key to his '79 green Ford Grenada, with the license plate "greenluv," and told me it symbolized the key to his heart," said Barb Kullbom, sophomore from Lincoln, Neb. "I should have know it was over right then."
Contact Brune at mbrune@kansan.com.
This story was edited by Gillian Titus.
Frank Cherrito, Kansas City, Mo., resident, prepares the traditional Valentine's Day gift of roses while waiting for customers. Cherrito's stand is located near the intersection of 23rd and Alabama streets.
CHRISTINA NEFF/KANSAN
Shop online for the one you loathe
By Nicole Roche Jayplay writer
For those sad, ironic individuals who were dumped this week — you know who you are
The following are a couple of truly wicked gift ideas for that special loathed one in your life.
dumptious in the face — everything's not lost. Sure, it may be the holiday of love and companionship, but that's only for the real losers, right? You can still have fun the old-fashioned way — by sending your ex something he or she can forever treasure.
Everyone knows those little conversation heart candies taste about as scrumptious as flavored chalk. Not to mention their nauseating little messages like "Be Mine" and the recently introduced pop-culture flirt, "E-mail me." Well, the geniuses at www.despair.com have come up with a way to say what you are really thinking.
Bitter Sweets are candy hearts for the recently dumped-and-bitter, featuring 15 phrases like "We Need 2 Talk," "I Deserve Better" and "Time 2 Trade Up."
The site specifies: "Supplies are limited. But the pain that accompanies them may not be." No word on whether these candies actually taste any better than their cutesy counterparts.
Available for same-day delivery; $6.95 plus shipping and handling.
You've always wanted to say it. Now's your chance to do it tactfully with one of the plush dogs for sale at www.heartlessbitches.com. For $7.95 plus shipping and handling you can order the "Heartless Bitch," a toy dog with a heart-shaped hole that goes straight through its chest.
"Perfect as a cubicle mate, pencil holder or gift for the heartless bitch in your life," the site recommends. For the ladies out there, you can visit www.heartlessbastards.com and make up rumors about your ex or e-mail him the S.O.B. award.
Really, what says, "I loathe you," more than rotting salmon? For $7.95 plus shipping and handling, www.senddeadfish.com will ship a dead fish to the victim of your choice.
The company's mission statement guarantees you will be a satisfied customer: "We will wrap and ship a smelly, rotting fish; wilting flowers or a rank bag of crap to your 'intended's' doorstep. Add a comment card that saits it all and leave them speechless."
The dead flowers run for a pricey $14.95,
but you can get a reasonably priced bag of
feces for around $8.
"You've had enough of their crap," the site says. "And now it's time to give some back."
Contact Roche at jayplay@kansan.com. This story was edited by Andy Gassaway.
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