THURSDAY,APRIL 10,2003
SEX
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN = 7
Discussing orgasms improves sex
Have you ever faked it?
Come on, be honest. Have you ever faked an orgasm?
Well, I'll be the first to admit that I have. When I was a bit younger and more self-conscious about my body and my sexuality, I was not comfortable talking about orgasms with my partners. Instead of admitting that my partner hadn't gotten me off, I pretended I had come just to make the situation less awkward. And believe me, faking orgasms did little to lift that awkward tension that exists when two people become sexually active.
COMMENTARY
Lindsey Hodel
lhodel@kansan.com
In fact, these acts of deceit only led to more hurt and more embarrassment later when I finally cracked and had to tell my partner to step it up a few notches.
When I looked back on my sexual experiences in which I have faked orgasms, I tried to decipher what makes anyone, male or female, want to fake an orgasm. Many factors worked together to make me think that faking was the way to go.
First, I wanted to make my partner feel confident and great about the sexual experience we had just shared. I didn't want the memory tarnished by the lack of climax, because I thought it would tarnish that person's memory of me as a person.
I also faked orgasms to protect my own ego, because I thought something maybe wrong with me. After all, women were supposed to scream and moan and start feeling themselves during sex, weren't they? Wasn't that how all the movies and stories went?
Well, sorry guys. For most women, traditional intercourse usually isn't the way to get a woman off. In The Technology of the Orgasm, Rachel Maines discusses how 80 percent of women she interviewed reported having difficulty coming during normal penetration.
So no wonder women fake orgasms more often than men. For most women, clitoral stimulation is key, so pleasing a woman manually or orally is probably a more efficient way to make her come.
The main reason for faking orgasms comes from not wanting to ask your partner to do it differently, Cynthia Akagi, assistant professor in health education, said.
"Sometimes people aren't comfortable enough in their relationships to discuss orgasms," she said.
Akagi teaches a health and human sexuality class in which faking orgasms is classified under "sexual difficulties."
"It's not a huge deal to fake here and there, but when it becomes a pattern, it starts affecting the relationship," she said. "If you are faking, you are not being honest, and you are setting yourself up for failure in future intimate relationships."
Yes, it's easier for a woman to fake an orgasm because she doesn't ejaculate, but women tend to be more self-conscious about their bodies and pleasing men.
"Another reason some women can't have an orgasm is because they can't relax or they are mad at their partner." Akagi said.
$ ^{9} $Percentage of college students who have faked it
If your partner isn't doing the job or you are concerned that you may need to adjust your own technique, talk to your partner. Discuss what turns you on and what doesn't; not only will this make your sexual experiences more pleasurable, the conversation could also serve as incredibly sexy foreplay. Teach and learn from each other, because only you know your body the best.
Female heterosexual: 60 percent
Lesbian/Bisexual female: 71 percent
Male heterosexual: 17 percent
Gay/Bisexual male: 27 percent
Percentage of college students who have never had an orgasm Female:13 percent Male:6 percent
Source: Elliot and Brantley, 1997 research study
If you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about the big "O," talking about more serious issues likes pregnancy, STDs and commitment could be impossible. Communication and openness are major parts of the relationship,and if you aren't ready for those,you aren't ready for sex.
Model is a St. Louis, Mo., senior in journalism.
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