THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 2003
LIFESTYLE
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN = 7
Sex with friends can be fun if managed well
Through the good times and the bad your friends are there for you. After all what would life be like without them?
SEX
Sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on or someone there to celebrate with when you get promoted. Friends are great. They can also be great in bed.
Patrick Ross
pross@kansan.com
Friends with benefits — sex and talking — whatever you call it, there are advantages to getting busy with a buddy.
Adding sex to a friendship doesn't have to be destructive or devastating, and it often has rewards that don't exist in a traditional "dating" relationship.
Sure, there can be hurt feelings, but not if the situation is handled with forethought. If you're single and looking to get laid, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Wouldn't you rather get it on with someone you know than pick up some random stranger at a bar?
"If you understand the risks and are
Dr. Ruth said on her Web site, drruth.com, that she did not encourage a friends-with-benefits relationship but that it could work.
Got a question?
E-mail Ross at pross@kansan.com. All names are kept confidential and will not appear in print
willing to take them, and if this arrangement is working for you, then ... it's your choice," she said.
Here are just a few simple ways to make sure you don't get involved in something that either of you will regret later.
1. Priming the pump — Before you ever get even close to naked with your buddy, make sure you both realize that this is just sex. Don't leave any room for future questions about where your relationship stands. This is by far the most important step in the friends-with-benefits process. You want to be positive there will not be any hurt feelings or tensions as a result of your jam session. It can be intimidating to talk openly about such things, but the anguish you can save by ironing out the details beforehand is unimaginable. And, besides, this is your friend, your good buddy, that you're talking to here. Speak up before you lie down.
2. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. — If the experience bears repeating, repeat with caution. Sex is funny in that it tends to create an emotional attachment in some. A continuing sexual relationship has the potential to stir up feelings for the other person. If this happens, tell your friend right away and figure out where to go from there.
3. We do everything together — Best friends are off limits. Don't suggest friends with benefits. Don't even make out. model. If you're best friends and not already dating there's probably a reason, and there's no excuse to go and ruin such a
close friendship by having sex. If you simply must get down your best friend's pants proceed with extreme caution.
4. Out of order - Don't assume that because you did the dirty deed once your friend wants to do it again. The whole point of being friends with benefits is that you both agree the situation is convenient. Always assume that this time is the last.
With a little care and caution, this style of relationship is fun and easy to manage. The best thing about friends with benefits is that you don't have to worry about being accountable for your whereabouts or actions in the same way as you would if were you dating the person.
Friends with benefits is very much for the "live and let live" personality and should not be entered into lightly. For those who aren't looking for anything serious and don't hear wedding bells or a biological clock ticking, it's the near-perfect situation.
Ross is a Topeka freshman in journalism.
Different bars try to attract different student groups
By Mindy Osborne
mosborne@kansan.com
Jayplay staff writer
In a college town like Lawrence, bars in the downtown area are always trying to keep patrons coming back for more. One sought-after demographic are students in sororities and fraternities.
The general manager for new bar Last Call recently told the The University Daily Kansan that the bar would provide a friendly environment for fraternity and sorority members.
"We're looking to have some special functions for sororities and fraternities," said Trent Glass in an interview three weeks ago.
The Granada is one of a small number of popular Lawrence bars that offers economical relief to its patrons by charging no cover on the weekends.
A target crowd for some bars, managers try to cater to them with the offers of free kegs and party sites. Flannigans even awarded a party bus for a night to the sorority and fraternity with the most members in attendance.
It's a commonly-known fact that different bars in the downtown area cater to different demographics. Bars like Flannigan's and Abe & Jake's Landing have dance floors to entice students.
Kansan file photo
Fans of the music scene are also a wanted group. Bars like The Replay book local
bands to draw students. Granada showcases such acts as Ok Go, The Donnas and Kelli Osbourne to draw a crowd and Abe and Jake's recently featured The Roots. Even The Wheel started hosting acoustic acts.
But when it comes down to it, money is also a major factor in bar popularity for students. Flannigan's and Granada are examples of bars that have tried the free route. At one time Flannigan's offered no cover/ no line passes, and the Granada now charges no cover on the weekends before 9 p.m. Abe and Iake's also started a VIP line for a select few.
But for Kendall Smith, Fayetteville junior, there's more to it than that.
"Drink specials are key," Smith said. "You don't want to blow all of your money on a couple of drinks. Free kegs are always nice. It also depends on the people you know who work there. If your friends work at a certain place, I'd say you're more likely to go there."
He said promotional nights with beer and other alcohol distributors and tie-ins with Kansas basketball contributed to better business. Radina said bringing in local and national bands were also a big draw.
James Radina, manager at the Granada said business was up since last semester.
Radina said Thursday nights were the most popular because there was usually
more of a sorority and fraternity crowd.
Managers from Abe & Jake's declined to comment for this article, and Flannigan's managers did not return phone calls this week.
So what bars are popular now? It all depends on the night and the person. Christina Ferguson, Overland Park freshman, said she went to The Hawk on Wednesday. She said The Ranch and Granada are happening places after 10 p.m. on Thursdays.
No matter how some bars may try to attract a crowd, there will always be some with a loyal following.
— Edited by Michelle Burhemm