THURSDAY,FEBRUARY 6,2003
SEX
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN = 7
Sex with loved one better for emotions
Sex isn't such a scary, mysterious word anymore. You've probably had so much sex education mixed in with your classes the past few semesters that you might as well apply for a double major.
But what exactly are you supposed to do with all that knowledge? Your sex life has probably improved. You might be more open to trying new things and less inhibited when it comes to reexamining traditional rules. But sex is only one part of life an important part.
As college students, we know that learning about a subject doesn't stop with knowledge of facts. Facts are a foundation upon which we build the ability to apply that knowledge to the world at large. In keeping with that tradition, this is the first of a series of what I'd like to call "Sex and ..." columns. So sit back, take notes and enjoy the first installment: "Sex and Love"
A few years ago, Italian scientists theorized that the brain chemistry of someone in love was similar to that of a person afflicted with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The scientists suggested that having sex with the object of your infatuation was soothing in the same way that scrubbing the kitchen floor can be gratifying for a compulsive cleaner.
There are a few flaws with that argument. People with the disorder sometimes loathe their obsessions but can't make themselves resist them. I could describe at least one of my past relationships the same way, but the sex was never great. Perhaps
COMMENTARY
Patrick Ross
pross@kansan.com
In the past, getting married first was the only acceptable way to have sex.
there are other reasons for sex and love go so well together.
For one, intimacy and knowledge of your partner comes with time and exploration. Falling in love comes quickly for some but takes years for others. Either way, there is a genuine wish to know your partner's mind and body.
Another reason having sex with the one you love can be tantalizing is that you know each other so well and want the other to feel all tingly in the naughty parts.
Casual sex, according to my own definition, is sex that involves no emotional commitment. Society, even today, looks askance at casual sex. We, as humans, spent a lot of time over the past few centuries restraining ourselves from our sexual impulses.
So, if sex when in love is so great, why is the divorce rate so high in our country? And why do couples who have been together for long periods of time cheat on each other and break up? Because casual sex is dangerous and exciting.
In the past, getting married first was the only acceptable way to have sex. Casual sex, therefore, could have its exciting roots in the forbidden nature of the act. Casual sex becomes even more forbidden — and possibly more exciting — when you're in a relationship with someone other than your partner du jour.
Sex, casual or otherwise, becomes even more complicated when it is confused with love.
I'm no psychologist, but one-night stands are certainly no substitute for love. Using them as such is a sure-fire way to make yourself feel depressed. Having sex with multiple partners to feel loved seems to stem from a fear of feeling deep emotions. Emotions can be tricky, but sex is a powerful thing. Misusing it can have disastrous results. Having sex when you're not ready can be even worse.
Love. Now you have a new word to add to your sexual vocabulary. It may seem simple that the two would be related to one another, but it's a complex issue that I urge you to explore.
Sex is great. Love is great. Together they're spectacular.
Ross is a Topeka freshman in journalism.
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