12 • THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
SEX
THURSDAY, JANUARY 16,2003
Learn to tap into partner's sexuality to climax
COMMENTARY
Editor's Note: The Kansan is in the process of hiring another sex columnist in addition to Brandy Furst and Meghan Banium, who will be returning periodically.
Brandy Furst
jayplay@kansan.com
Finding the best way to get off can be a difficult task whether you're gay, straight or bisexual.
It can take a one-night stand or years to find someone who gets you off. Some people never find that person, but I was determined to find someone who could show me what the big deal was.
Everyone talked about how great sex was, but I just didn't get it. My body wasn't shaking or sweating. And a moan never crossed my lips.
It took four years of being sexually active to finally find a person who could make me reach orgasm through oral sex. Five seconds after he started going down on me, I told myself that he was the man I was going to marry.
Another problem: You can't always tell if you are getting someone off — especially women. Some lay still, keep quiet and show no emotion. Some flap around like fish out of water and scream at the
top of their lungs. Some women, even when they're not having an orgasm, do this, too. Unless you know your partner well sexually, you just can't tell sometimes.
The best way to find out is by asking. But be aware; you're not going to be able to get everyone off. Some women can get off only with small penises, and some women need a large penis to reach an orgasm. Men can have similar problems.
So, don't feel so bad next time you just can't make that particular person reach the heights of ecstasy. It's not necessarily your fault.
If your partner constantly gets close to orgasm, then it's probably possible for him to make it all the way.
Finding the best way to get off can be a difficult task whether you're gay, straight or bisexual.
According to sexualrecords.com, a 1948 survey taken in America by Alfred Kinsey found that 75 percent of men ejaculated within two minutes of entering their partner, and the average time it took for a woman to reach orgasm was 10 to 20 minutes. This is a big difference. To a lot of 22-year-old men, four minutes can seem like running a marathon. But to an older man, four minutes can seem like a walk in the park. Men usually build up endurance over the years, and women often reach orgasm quicker with age.
If you enjoy your partner but think something is missing or perhaps you want to spice up your sex life, make sure your partner knows. If you are too nervous about mentioning it or fear your partner's reaction, try to find subtle ways of getting the point across.
Ask what he thinks of people who have
threesomes, or people who use lots of different sexual positions. Ask your partner if he has ever looked at a Kama Sutra book. If your partner says yes and seems interested, take it further. For the openminded, attend a fetish show together. See what happens.
Sexual compatibility is pretty much necessary for friends with benefits, but it isn't always necessary for a healthy relationship. Many couples find other ways to enjoy each other. Some people share similar interests so much those interests are more of a part of their lives than sex. Some married couples haven't had sex, aren't having sex and won't have sex.
So, keep that in mind and think of sexual compatibility the way Marilyn Monroe's character in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes referred to marrying someone with money when she said, "Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You might not marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"
My thoughts exactly.
Furst is a Lawrence freshman in microbiology.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TONIGHT?
THURSDAYS AT 10pm Neon 80s Dance Party
FRIDAY JANUARY 17TH SON VENEZUELA
SATURDAYSAT10PMLatin Dance Party $2 Wells
6 CORONITAS FOR $6
SUNDAYS AT 10pm OPEN MUSICIANS JAM Bring your instrument and JAM! NO cover 2 for 1 Margaritas
MONDAYS @ 10pm ska, REGGAE AND bluebeat $1.50 Boulevard Pints
TUESDAYS Urban beats & SPOKEN WORD
2 for 1 Margaritas $3 Black and Tans $3 Cosmos
WEDNESDAYS LIVE MUSIC $1.50 DOMESTIC BOTTLES