University Daily Kansan, February 1, 1985
Page 9
CAMPUS AND AREA
Students, others find refuge from abuse
21
By DeNEEN BROWN Staff Reporter
For 13 years, Annette was beaten, threatened and sometimes raped by her husband. Despite the threats and accusations she said, she kept going back to him.
1
"He mentally, physically and sexually abused me. I was not allowed to have any friends or leave the house," said the 30-year-old Annette, whose name has been changed.
Finally, she said, she tired of the beatings and she left.
Many experts on family violence have called the marriage license a "hit-and-run."
But what happened to Annette has happened to many students in dating relationships. A recent study at three universities found that physical abuse occurs in at least one of five collegiate relationships.
And the percentage of KU students who are physically abused is also high. Barb Smith, an advocate at Women's Transitional Care Services in Chicago, said that 15 percent of the women there were KU students.
"I'd lock myself in the bathroom to stay away from him. One night he had me on the floor and he ripped my jeans. I felt like I had been raped.
"He wouldn't let my family come over, no phone calls and no call. I felt uncomfortable."
Ascue said she became an advocate for the center after working as a desk assistant at a KU residence hall, where she saw one woman who had been with her for many years. She found there was nothing she could have done to help the woman.
Denitta Ascue, also a woman's center advocate, said the center offered women a chance to get away from violent relationships and gave them a chance to get a different protective on what had happened to them.
An advocate is a volunteer trained in peer counseling to assist women who seek shelter at the center. Many of the advocates have been in violent relationships themselves and others simply have an interest in the issue.
Ascue said that the woman's eyes sometimes were blackened and that
the woman and her boyfriend often fought.
Crane said that denial was the key problem in abusive relationships.
Nancy Crane, also an advocate at the women's center, said violence in student relationships was more prevalent on campus than most people realized.
The center offers housing and peer counseling for women who are physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends. The address for the center is kept secret, Crane said, to keep the women safe from husbands and boyfriends who often come looking.
"We make excuses for that type of behavior," she said. "In young relationships, a woman feels like she has to have a boyfriend to make her complete. It's that dependency that makes us accept violence.
"The percentage is high because students do a lot of drinking, and plus they are under a lot of stress. WTCS has served a lot of women students, some married, some not."
The study concluded that physical abuse was more likely to occur in serious, rather than casual, dating relationships.
Most women think the violence will stop, Crane said, and they think marriage is the answer. But it doesn't necessarily after marriage.
"Once you've stepped into a cycle of violence, it usually gets worse. The chain has to be broken," she said.
That is where the women's center can help, she said, because women who have been in a physically abusive relationship usually have been abused mentally.
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"The physical stuff goes away pretty quick,but the emotional abuse
More than half of the students in the study said they had remained in the violent relationship.
stays with you a while." she said.
"I know it's hard to step out. It's an emotional trap. You love that person."
A recent university study concluded that violence in premarital relationships often was sparked by sexual jealousy, disagreements over drinking and anger from sexual denial.
Annette said that after years of running from her husband, she ended up at the women's center, where advocates helped her find that she could not run away any more but had to look for ways to rebuild her life.
"At the shelter, I felt drained," she said. "I was kind of in a daze, but I felt safe there."
Six months have passed since Amnette first went to the women's center. Now she sees her marriage as a bad dream.
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"I look back and think so many years were washed," she said. "He took most of my youth. When I want to be a parent, I can remember any good times."
"The more abuse you let happen to you," she said, "the worse it is going to get. After a while it becomes a habit."
She advised young people in violent relationships to get out of them.
"But the worst part now is when you go to put on your make-up and you see all those scars. They won't go away."
"You're so confined in your own little world with him, you don't realize that this isn't normal. But when you've lived with someone over a period of time, it's security to manipulate you, and can manipulate you mentally. It's kind of like having a phobia against the world."
QUANTRILL'S MARKET
Symposium on the
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Vintage Clothing Books Collectibles
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Sun. 10:5 p.m.
811 New Hampshire
Drinking Myth of the Week
The Student Assistance Center
Hillel and United Jewish Appeal present a Champagne Brunch
You know that's silly. Yet many of us are a little nervous around people who don't drink.
Green Hall
WOLF CREEK NUCLEAR POWER PLANT Saturday, February 2, 1985 9:00 a.m.
NEVER TRUST A MAN WHO NEVER TAKES A DRINK.
Sen. Wint Winter Jr.
Rep. Robert Vancrum
Brian Moline, Counsel for KCC
Ernest Angino, Professor of Geology
Robert Glicksman, Professor of Law
Sidney Shapiro, Professor of Law
Room 106
Sponsored by the Kansas Law Review
Key Speakers:
Sunday, February 3
12 noon
LJCC, 917 Highland Drive
Loeb Granoff and Frank Leffler will be guest speakers
Admission to the event is free, but pledges will be accepted. For more information, call 864-3948
PIZZA Shoppe
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842-0600
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Westridge Shopping Center
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1 Topping $5.95
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2 Topping $7.95 plus tax
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SOUTH PADRE ISLAND
Tired of the snow and cold?
Leave the bad weather behind and escape with SUA to sunny SOUTH PADRE ISLAND, March 9-16. The trip includes ROUNDTRIP AIR TRANSPORTATION and 7 NIGHTS LODGING at Sunchase Condominiums. A group party and a souvenir beach towel will also be provided. The price is $362 for the full package, including airfare, OR $196 for those who want to drive down.
For further information, call or stop by the Student Union Activities office, 864-3477
Kansas Union University of Kansas 864-3477
"We're not makin' money, we're just makin' friends. Come on down.I want you as my credit customer."
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2 miles North of bridge on Mass. St. right side of road.