contact
M
with Carly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
arila.baza
I've been dating this guy for just over a month. I like him a lot, and I might even be falling for him. But he's pushing way too hard emotionally ... talking to me about how I could be 'the one.' Should I jump ship?
Stacey, sophomore
Carly: Stacey, I wish I could find you and tell you this as soon as possible—get the hell out. You may think I'm being too harsh, but I really hope you take my advice on this. I know from personal experience that a relationship that starts off like what you just described is bad news, and here's why, Every relationship has a "honeymoon phase." You and your boyfriend have been together for just more than a month--you're still in that phase. Odds are that you haven't had a major fight yet. I think that first fight is really important, because then you get to know even more about the person and it puts your emotions in check.
Also, a guy who gets that emotionally involved after such a short period is going to be really insecure and get jealous easily. I don't want to get all Freudian here, but there's some kind of need for love that wasn't met in his life. Don't be the one to fill the void. Get out. Now.
Elliot: Stacey, it was a valiant effort. You got to know this guy well, had some fun, and I applaud you for that. But Carly's right. You need to abandon ship now. This guy's trying to hook you soon and get you utterly ensnared in this relationship to the point that you can't escape. 'The one?' After four weeks? That's alarming to me, and I haven't even met this guy! I'm not saying you didn't connect. And I'm not saying that your affection is false. But to hear you talk about it, it sounds as if his concept of your relationship is unrealistic and potentially unhealthy. Cut your ties.
Have relationship questions or need some advice? E-mail bitchandmoan@kansan.com. *Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute for professional help.
Chris, senior
She's everything a good man wants: intelligent, friendly, hard-working and healthy. She even has fashion and flirting smarts. But sexually, I'm just not attracted to her. Mostly because she's not pretty. I know that's a really shallow reason, and I feel guilty about it. I know she likes me, and I feel horrible about turning her down for something she can't control. What to do?
Carly: First of all—stop flirting with her, no matter how 'smart' she is when it comes to flirting. It sends a mixed signal, and it will get you in even more trouble. I think an important thing to do at this point would be to set the record straight. It seems she could have easily taken you flirting with her as an indication that you're interested. Give her the opportunity to find someone who likes everything about her.
Don't get me wrong; just because you're not physically attracted to someone doesn't mean you're shallow. I think this is really similar to a question we had earlier in the semester, so I'll repeat the basic message: You need sexual chemistry. If you're not attracted to her, it won't be there and you'll find your relationship is lacking. I find it really frustrating that there's a stigma against not being attracted to someone. So what? Why can't we be allowed to find someone with whom we have a good connection—emotionally and physically?
Elliot: Chris, you're not just shallow. You're also a jackass. Stringing this girl along is utterly deplorable. You should be ashamed of yourself. So you complimented her a few times in your letter. Big deal. You're leading her along and that's dishonest. Sure, it's nice to be the one being pursued. You're dotted upon, fawned over, and generally get constant ego boosts. But unless you stop leading her on right here and now, you're the kind of guy every girl hates and loves to detest vocally. I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but I don't mind bringing you back down to earth. You have nothing, NOTHING, to complain about. Like Carly suggests, set the record straight. Let her know the score. Then all you can do is hope she forgives you (when you apologize, that is) for how utterly crass you've been.
says ... log on to
Omegle.com
Omegle. www.omegle.com, sets you up with a one-on-one chat with a complete stranger anywhere in the world. You are simply known as "Stranger" to the other person, and vice versa. There are no screennames, so once the conversation is over, it is really over. And you can spill your deepest, darkest secrets without a fear of them being shared with someone you know.At any given time, thousands of users are on Omegle.
nice. Once, I spoke with someone who claimed to work at a mental hospital in New Jersey.I'll never know if they were telling the truth, but he or she still kept me entertained with stories of their job.
Because the chats are random, though, they can either be interesting, lame, insightful or confusing. Sometimes it takes several tries before chatting with someone who speaks your language and is actually
If you have some free time, log on to Omegle and maybe you'll be a new friend, en, stranger. And if you're just not into the concept, or want an idea of what it's like before trying it out, read me and Matt's chats with strangers. For many of them, we took on the assumed identity of "Monique." Just go with it.
Stranger: JOHN You: MONIQUE
Stranger: <3
Jessica Sain-Baird
Stranger: I FOUND YOU
You: I LOVE YOU!
Stranger: COME HERE BABY
You: WHERE YOU AT?
You:WHERE YOU AT?
Stranger: COLOGNE
Stranger: GET A CONCORDE; NOW
Stranger: I DON'T CARE THAT THEY
DON'T FLY ANYMORE
You: I AM ACROSS THE SEA!
You: I AM ACROSS THE SEA!
Stranger: PLEASE
You:YOU ARE TOO FAR AWAY!
Stranger:DISTANCES DON'T MATTER
Stranger: D:
Stranger: DON'T DO THIS
You: I AM IN TEARS.
Stranger: AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Stranger: NO
You:I AM JULIET
You:YOU ARE ROMEO
You: I WILL SEE YOU IN ANOTHER LIFE
Stranger! I WON'T LET IT END LIKE THIS
Stranger: waitwat
Stranger: Why do you get to be the chick?
Stranger: FUCKING DICK
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
eeeeeeeee
**Stranger:** yes?
**You:** hello!
**You:** i am rocking out to music
**You:** what are you doing?
**Stranger:** same hur
**Stranger:** what type of music
**Stranger:** music*
**You:** energetic, happy music
**Stranger:** thats cool
Your conversational partner has disconnect
Stranger: hi
You: yo
You: 22 f canada
Stranger: asl?
Stranger: nice nice
Stranger: 17 (near 18) m netherlands
Stranger: you like tattoos?
You: i have two
You: you?
You: i have two
Stranger: nice
You: why did you get it?
Stranger: what do you have?
You: oh, what does it look like?
Stranger: well its hard to describe
Stranger: okay
Stranger: I have one
Stranger: because i had it in my mind for about 7 years
**You:** a butterfly on the small of my back, and psalm 3:17 on my ankle
**You:** wow, that's a long time to think about it, hope it turned out well
Stranger: nice
Stranger: indeed
Stranger: im not kinda a guy of faith... but i do respect someone else having a faith
7
Stranger: wich one is psalm 3:17
**You:** i was that way too, but Jesus helped me through some hard times
**Stranger:** I don't give names to that wich placed us here
Stranger: for me
Stranger: theres no good or evil
Stranger: there's life
Stranger: and Death
**You:** For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
Stranger: ah
You: that's the psalm
Stranger: okay
Stranger: I really would like you to see my tattoo... Your conversational partner has disconnected.
April 30, 2009
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