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My roommate is absolutely miserable. She and I aren't really that great of friends, but it's so hard to ignore that something is going on. She sits in her room and cries all the time. How do I approach her to see what's wrong? I feel like it might come off the wrong way because we're not close. I don't want to be nosy. I really do want to help her.
Melissa, freshman
Carly: Oh yeah, there's definitely something wrong. Based on what you said, it sounds as if she's really depressed. I'm sure she would really appreciate you wanting to help her.
To avoid coming off as nosy or intruding on her space, just take some small steps to reach out to her. Do something to show that you're concerned about her and that you're willing to be a friend to her. Try leaving a note on her door or on her bed. Maybe even leave a small gift, just so that she knows that someone is thinking about her and has gone the extra mile to show that they care. She may not want to talk to you, and that's her choice to make. If she turns down your offer, say something like,"OK, but just know that I'm here if you change your mind." That will leave the door open for her in the future, when she feels more comfortable.
**Elliot:** Melissa, it's clear you genuinely care about your roommate. And it seems to me that the best thing you can do for your roommate is make sure she knows too. You're worried about coming off as pushy or nosy. Pushy and nosy come when you insist that you know what to do to help her out.
The way to avoid that situation is to let her know that you've noticed she's depressed and that you're there for her if she needs anything. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, you'll be there. If she just needs to know that she can
turn to you in a time of need, she knows it. In the end, the only person who can know what she's going through is her. Show that you're available if she needs and then let her take the next step.
Have relationship questions or need some advice? E-mail bitchandmoan@ kansan.com. *Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute for professional help.
April 23, 2009
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