contact
with Garly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
I just recently started dating someone I've been friends with for a while. But we're both kind of nervous about how this decision will be received by our mutual friends. How can we best break the news?
Brandon, freshman
Carly: It's understandable to be nervous, because you can definitely expect your friends to throw their two cents in. Before you tell them what's up, make sure that you two are prepared. Be ready in case one (or more) friend decides to tell you that it's a bad idea. I think its best to divide and conquer.
Have your significant other tell some friends and you tell the others. Don't tell them all at once so you can avoid feeling as if your friends are ganging up on you. Don't dance around the subject, either. Just say, "So, Susie and I started dating recently." When one of your friends starts to protest, assure them that things won't be awkward when you're together (and in case
you break up). Listen to what they have to say, but don't let it change your relationship. It'll be hard to balance your respect for your friends with your new relationship, but it's nothing that strong friendships can't handle.
Elliot: The most important thing here is that, no matter when you decide to break the news, you are on the same page. You'll never be able to control how your friends react. However, making sure that you don't put your new girlfriend in a tight spot is something you can control. So preparing yourselves for whatever reaction might come is all you can do.
I agree with Carly. It's not the best idea to gather everyone around to tell them all the great news. One by one, starting with the most reliably calm friend you have, pull everyone aside to let them know. Be calm, be cool, and be casual. You two are not divulging state secrets; you're just letting your buds know that you've started dating. If your friends can't handle that, then that's their problem.
16
April 23, 2009