Opinion
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
MIYAKAWA: NEW GRADUATES SHOULDN'T HESITATE TO RELOCATE
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15, 2009
United States First Amendment
COMINGTHURSDAY
WWW.KANSAN.COM
FREE
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
To contribute to Free for All, visit Kansan.com or call (785) 864-0500.
My defining quality: I can taste the difference between Coke Zero and Coke.
I think I've just seen the most gorgeous woman alive. It's times like these I wish I were
It is true talent when an artist can sound like they are singing and puking at the same time.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
I think my English teacher must read Urban Dictionary religiously. He knows more slang than I do.
My roommate has a fascination with TV shows that feature families with more than 12 children. Should I be concerned?
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
So a new World of Warcraft patch came out today. My boyfriend told me last night we wouldn't be able to see me or talk to me for a week. Wow.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
He rock climbs, plays guitar and can solve any math quandary. My pre-calculus instructor is a triple threat.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
I gave you that look because your boyfriend was cheating on you with me. And I was as oblivious as you are.
PAGE 7A
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
The calculus gateway test needs to die.
Sometimes I worry that the people who are studying anatomy are going to become doctors.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
To the girl who needs a cute umbrella partner: I'm that guy
I'm studying anatomy to be a squirrel.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
We ARE going to win the national championship next year! Yay, Collins and Aldrich!
When I was a kid, the magic word used to be "peanut butter."Now I get weird looks when I tell people that.
Zac Efron on SNL = Extremely disappointing.
Free for All is my new Facebook status. Also an unhealthy obsession.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
Zac Efron anywhere that is not in my arms = Extremely disappointing.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
After spending the weekend in Missouri, I've decided Kansas guys are way more attractive.
--population; the
merely panhandlers on
Mass. Street — they
are children, parents
and grandparents,
and they are more like
us than wed like to
EDITORIAL BOARD
Homeless population needs campus community's support
Like every other American city, Lawrence has a large permanent homeless population.
admit. Lawrence is a progressive, accepting city, but in order to continue to uphold this positive reputation, our community needs to support the homeless and the organizations that work hard to help them.
In January 2006 the National Coalition for the Homeless and the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty named Lawrence the second "meant city" to the homeless in the United States. In April 2006, Helen Hartnett, Ph.D., and Toni Johnson, Ph.D., who work for the School of Social Welfare at the University, gave a survey that found this to be partially true. It also cleared up some of the myths about the homeless people in Lawrence.
The survey found that "many of the people experiencing homelessness in Lawrence are not just passing through or 'transients', but rather have been
here for a while" Reasons for coming to lawrence were cited as 64 percent seeking employment opportunities and 30.4 percent
KANSAN'S
OPINION
to be with family and friends. People are not just stopping through here because they heard Lawrence treated horrible
These facts should serve as a wake-up call that the homeless population is a part of this city that requires our immediate attention and activism.
people well.
The Salvation Army, which currently has the capability to house 42 homeless people a night, will be closing its location at 10th and Vermont in 15 days to move forward with a new approach to assisting the homeless population. They are asking Congress for $600,000 to fund renovations for a new building location. They hope to place needy families in apartments across the city for as long as two years as they work their way out of homelessness. Unfortunately, this is available for only five families or individuals at a time and will serve only a fraction of the homeless population in the city.
Along with the federal money, the Lawrence Community Shelter
TO VOLUNTEER,
Call the Lawrence
Community Shelter at:
(785) 832-8864
CONTACT:
Sen. Sam Brownback at:
(785) 233-2503
and Rep. Dennis Moore
at: (913) 621-0832
is working toward fundraising $3 million to finance the move. Because a new building will not be available in time, they are also looking for a temporary site to be an accelerated but necessary solution to the Salvation Army closing.
Congress should support the efforts of the Lawrence Community Shelter by approving its request for $600,000 in funding. Students should contact their congressmen to voice their encouragement as well as to volunteering to assist in the shelter's fundraising efforts.
ENTERTAINMENT
— Caitlin Thornbrugh for The Kansan Editorial Board
BEN COLDHAN
New TV show 'Pitchmen' brings Billy new limelight
It is 2 a.m. and there's a man in my living room, his eyes uneven, face contorting as he confronts me. He could be dragged or delirious. He is aggressive and wants money.
The next two minutes seem like forever. There's no escaping his peddling, nor his junkie energy. Worse yet, he almost has me pull out my credit card and call now. Finally, after I refuse him $19.99 (plus shipping and handling), he fades out of the picture. Family Guy resumes and Vince is gone. Or so I think.
"Hi, it's Vince with Sham Wow — you're going to be saying 'wow every time you use this towel'"
Yesh, he's relentless and cryptic. The 44-year-old Vince Shlomi — after she headd his headset microphone, spiked hair and makeup — slap-chopped a $1,000 hooker in February after she bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. The two were arrested but, despite this, Shlomi still turns up in my living room now and then looking for Jacksons. After finally seeing what he does with the money, I'll have to pass.
"Hi, it's Vince with Slap Chop. You're going to be in a great mood all day because you're going to be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop."
If being a television pitchman
were a sport, Shlomi would most certainly have been regarded as an up- and coming team. His off-the-set exploits aren't exactly unprecedented around professional athlete circles. Furthermore, Shlomi even has a rival: the legendary Billy Mays, who even pitched a recent ESPN 360 commercial.
If you own a television you've seen him. With a thick beard and distinctive tone, Mays prompts philosophical quandaries with every two-minute pitch. Should I buy dinner tonight or OxiClean? Is this month's utility bill really that pressing when I can order a Samurai Shark sharpener instead?
And that's it. Products that many of us wouldn't even accept for free become must-haves when a manic pitchman jumps out of our television screens. And some of these pitchmen are so engaging that we stay seated when the commercials roll — it's not even the Super Bowl!
On second thought, maybe it has become a sport. Mays and
Swivel Sweeper hawker Anthony Sullivan will debut the new reality show "Pitchmen" tonight at 9 on the Discovery Channel (channel 37). The show will follow the two as they evaluate and pitch new items. It is clear that these guys are no longer just cartoon characters. They're also millionaires, and we made them that way.
The Los Angeles Times' Dan Neil writes: "Cultural historians would do well to mark the show's premiere as the moment when the last scorched stone fell from the wall separating art and commerce. Here, then, is the end of the product-integration rainbow: advertising as entertainment as advertising, with commercials in between."
Sometimes I wonder whether we watch these guys because we are wowed by their product and presentation or because we can relate to them in a way. See, we're all pitchmen in some way — some of us better than others. Some of us obtain beer money after a convincing pitch that our parents' checks will go towards rent. Some of us get out of speeding tickets because, well, officer, we're just going through a rough time right now.
Montemayor is a Mission junior in journalism.
STUDENT LIFE
"Nice weather, huh?"
JAMES FARMER
What's funnier than a Kansas weather joke?
Boy, I tell ya what. I've been living in this here state for nigh on 20
take for tonight on 20 years, and I still can't get used to this wacky weather! I mean, one day it's bright and cheery, and the next day it's cold and dreary — just like my wife! It never seems to be able to make up its mind — also just like my wife! In fact, there are nearly 1,000 ways in which Kansas weather is similar to my wife. I would list them all, and to hilarious effect, but I only have so much space. (Editor's note: Alex does not actually have a wife.)
The weather around here changes so often that a few weeks ago, when my son and I made a snowman, we dressed it in a Hawaiian shirt! Hah! Little Timmy has such a great sense of humor. I even put some sunblock on its button nose. Have fun at the beach, Frosty! Because tomorrow it's 80 degrees and sunny! (Editor's note: Alex also does not actually have a son. Especially not one named Little Timmy.)
The best part about Kansas' ever-changing weather is that jokes about it are always fresh and truly side-splitting. It unites people through the miracle of comedy. I can't even count the number of times I've been walking across campus in a hailstorm or heatwave (or both at the same time — hel) when a total stranger sidles up to me and says "Kansas weather, huh?" I can't help but bust out laughing. It's so true! Such keen observations never ever get old.
And another thing — whatever happened to global warming, am I right? Sorry, Al Gore, but the only thing "Inconvenient" about this "Truth" is that I have to wear a winter coat to class in the middle of April! Myth busted!
Most of us realize that the ever-fluctuating weather is simply a flowing fount of comedy gold, bestowed upon us from above by a God or a cabal of gods who simply want us to laugh at the same thing over and over for years on end. There are some people, however, who don't find this very amusing. Those people are lame. They whine and complain, and not in a funny way. Some of them are so irritated, youd think they were injected with werewolf serum. It wouldn't be surprising, because werewolves have terrible senses of humor. Just like my wife!
The rest of us, however,
appreciate the value in making
what should be a trite and
pointless remark into the stuff
of classic jokes and comic strips
So if you don't like the weather,
wait five minutes — somebody
will make you laugh about it.
Nichols is an Overland Park sophomore in creative writing.
HOW TO SUBMIT A LETTER TO THE EDITOR
LETTER GUIDELINES
Send letters to opinion@kansan.com
Write LETTER TO THE EDITOR in the e-mail subject line.
Length: 300 words
The submission should include the author's name, grade and hometown.
Find our full letter to the editor policy online at kansan.com/letters.
CONTACT US
Brenna Hawley, editor
864-4810 or bhawley@kansan.com
Tara Smith, managing editor 864-4810 or tsmithjikansan.com
Mary Sorrick, managing editor 864-4810 or msorickikansan.com
Kelsey Hayes, kansan.com managing editor
48-4810.kg.hwy www.kansan.com
Katie Blankenau, opinion editor
864-4924 or kblankenau@kansan.com
Dan Thompson, editorial editor
864-4924 or dthompson@kansan.com
Laura Vest, business manager 864-4358 or lvest@kansan.com
Dani Erker, sales manager
864-4477 or derker@kansan.com
Malcolm Gibson, general manager and new adviser
Jon Schlitt, sales and marketing adviser
864-7666炒sales.hikitakeyu.com
THE EDITORIAL BOARD Members of the Kansan Editorial Board are Brenna Haviley, Tara Smith, Mary Sonick, Kelsey Javes and Dan Thompson.