Some people with OCD have the urge for many aspects in their lives, such as their schoolwork, to be perfect. If they do not feel they have reached what they see as "perfect," they may erase or redo the work until it is to their satisfaction.
But for some of us, the difficulty reaches much further than memorizing definitions. When I was in high school, taking a test only heightened the probability I'd feel compelled to enact one of my repetitious rituals.
If I had a distressing thought while trying to answer an essay question, I'd carefully erase every word I'd written and redo my work. It was the only way to ease the pain of my troublesome thoughts and sufficiently "clear" my mind. This seemingly dumb practice was just one of the many "rituals" helping me to survive each day.
My world history teacher once suggested to my class I might be cheating when he caught me reaching into my bag.Anxiety-ridden, full of self-doubt and sufficiently embarrassed, I held up the tattered end of my pencil where the eraser had been. Apparently this was enough for him because 'he returned to his desk without uttering another word. Thank God, I thought—I don't have to tell him the truth about my need to erase and then rewrite my work.
I have always been good at disguising my problem because I never wanted anyone to know. To me, I was a freak trapped in an otherwise normal society, and I was the only one of my kind.
The truth is, I have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 17. I'm not "OCD about this or that" as many people profess about habits they have. I am one of the estimated 5 to 7 million Americans battling obsessive-compulsive disorder every day.
What is OCD?
Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or "the doubting disease," is a neurobiological anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive and distressing thoughts and the repetitive
rituals aimed at dislodging those unwanted deliberations, says Dr. Lisa Hale, founder and director of the Kansas City Center for Anxiety Treatment in Shawnee Mission. Many illnesses categorized as psychiatric disorders are neurobiological, or an illness of the nervous system, including autism, bipolar disorder and OCD.
No specific genes for OCD have been discovered, but research suggests genes play a role in the development of the disorder. The risk that a child will develop OCD slightly increases when a parent has OCD, yet the risk is still low. When OCD runs in families, it is the general nature of OCD that is inherited, not specific symptoms, according to www.ocfoundation.org. This is apparent in my family—I have a constant urge to check and recheck while my mom compulsively organizes. Finding something in my parent's house is never a problem considering my mom's affinity for her label maker and my constant verification everything is in its place. But does the deodorant underneath my dad's sink really need its spot labeled? I don't think my dad will mistakenly rub the mouthwash underneath his pits anytime soon.
Despite a recent growth in OCD research, the specific cause has not been proven. Many studies suggest OCD involves miscommunication between the front of the brain and deeper structures. These structures use serotonin, a chemical messenger that plays a role in the regulation of mood, sleep, learning and constriction of blood vessels. It is believed insufficient levels of serotonin could be involved in OCD, Hale says.
The origins of this disorder are typically viewed as genetic in that certain individuals may experience OCD without any conceivable environmental triggers. However, it is likely that OCD may result from a variety of exposures to stress and/or trauma without a genetic
component, says Ed Bloch, a licensed specialist clinical social worker and co-owner of The Life Enrichment Center in Lawrence.
The bottom line is the root of OCD has yet to be found.
OCD touches every segment of society for people with the disorder and I am a card-carrying member of this diverse group of people. OK, so we don't carry cards, but each member of this cluster constantly works to overcome an equally diverse combination of obsessions and compulsions on a daily basis. It's probably best we don't have an ID—another thing to check and disinfect.
For those of us who suffer from OCD, life can be limited by hours of compulsive behaviors,making it difficult to find inner peace, to be productive, or simply to be happy,says Christy Olson, Lawrence,a doctoral student and research assistant who works with Hale.
"Those affected by OCD are often distressed by their symptoms because the disorder can be limiting in regards to everyday life," Olson says. "It can narrow their life and sometimes prevent them from doing the things that they want to do."
The brains of those suffering from OCD fixate on specific thoughts or urges and hold on for dear life. It's the mental equivalent of being forced to stare at hideously ugly wallpaper in a room without any reasonable exit, except instead of covering only the walls, the repulsive decor textures the entire room—the ceiling, floors and even the furniture, says Jared Kant.
coauthor of The Thought that Counts, an account of his experiences as a teenager with OCD.
OCD can present itself in different forms depending on the person.Some of the common obsessions for those suffering from OCD are the fear of contamination,the fear of harming one's self or others and preoccupations with specific numbers.
Overcoming the dirt
For some of us, the real challenge starts with the first spec of dust.
"One day I was fine and the next day I couldn't move from my bed," Kant says.
Kant's OCD first surfaced during a twoweek stay at a summer camp in Massachusetts—outdoors with dirt. His parents did not know the extent of his mental struggles, but they would soon find out.
Kant, now 26, was 11 years old when he was diagnosed with OCD. Kant's onset of OCD was quick and personally destructive like a massive tornado suddenly striking on a beautiful spring day.
"Contamination was a big thing for me and at summer camp everything is dirty." Kant says, "because obviously you're surrounded by dirt."
From the first day of camp, Kant was miserable. He had been placed in his own personal hell with the dirt acting as gasoline working to intensify the flames. Fearing the possibility of contamination from the outdoors and believing an exit from his cabin
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April 9,2009