campus, overseeing their wants and needs
Jackson has joined with Darryl Monteau, Non-Traditional Students Foundation adviser; to plan gatherings, write a monthly newsletter, and represent students who Monteau says maybe don't receive as much credit as they should.
"These students, specifically those with dependents, are so bogged down with responsibilities other than school that they are able to appreciate what an education is," Monteau says. "In fact, it's hard to get anything planned because no one has the time to do extra activities."
Jackson tries to get a workout in each day but she knows some days the time spent with her kids is more important. She typically arrives home about 5 p.m. exhausted, but the smiles on her kids' faces give her a second wind. Her husband hurries off to his night classes, making it hard for them to spend any quality time together.
After 12 years as an auto mechanic, her husband, Robert, decided that he too would go back to school. He says there are financial and emotional sacrifices their family has had to make, but in the end he feels it will all be worth it. He is looking forward to the day when both he and Trish have graduated and they can have a much more flexible lifestyle, allowing them to spend more time together as a family.
"I am looking forward to when we can do the family projects again. Once I graduate, I can be much more flexible with my hours. I guess you could say we are working hard to eventually work less." Robert says.
Trish relishes spending time with her son, Eli, daughter, Maiya, and husband, Robert, during what little free time she has to spend with her kids. "I have the responsibilities of being a mom and I can never take a day off from that."
"Sure, I wish that I could see my husband more, spend more time with my family, read for pleasure, but my day is so inflexible," she says."I have the responsibilities of being a mom and I can never take a day off from that."
While Robert is at class,Trish typically gets a good couple hours with her kids, who are in bed by 7 p.m. Although the silence allows Trish to get her homework done for the next day.it also reminds her of what she would like to be doing, such as spending quality time with her husband.
The balancing act that takes place within a family is stressful on all members says Andrea Greenhoot, clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology. Though the child may be missing nurturing and attention, the parent also misses out on time with friends or his or her own partner.
***
Jill Ethridge, an undergraduate English student and a single mother to her son,Ayden, says going back to school has put stress on her but mostly she worries about her son.
It was early in the morning when she went to his room. He had the flu and was shivering in his bed. His clothes were soaked. Ayden had thrown up the night before, but even at 8 years old, he knew the stress his mother was under. He cleaned his clothes himself that night
so that his mother could sleep and put them back on his small body soaking wet because he could not get the dryer to work. Ethridge stared into her 8-year-old son's big round eyes. His pale, clammy skin felt warm to the touch as she held him.""Mommy, I didn't want to wake you,""she recalls him saying.
Photo by Ryan Waggoner
Ethridge tears up remembering this moment months ago when her son had been so selfless.
"It was a feeling unlike any other—guilt, sympathy and love all at once," Ethridge says.
Like the Jacksons, Ethridge also has to balance the daily responsibilities of school and her son.
Ethridge dropped out of college at the age of 22, got married, and nine years later was divorced. She became a certified paralegal two years ago, then in Fall 2008 decided to go back to earn her undergraduate degree so she could go to law school. When she decided to go back to school, she knew the emotional and financial stress it would have on her family.She had to make sacrifices. Keeping her full-time job at Gillett Law Office meant she did not qualify for financial assistance for her education but to her it was worth it.
Ethridge works 30 to 45 hours a week on top of her 15-hour school schedule. To add to her hectic life, Ethridge has chosen to live two hours and 15 minutes from campus in Fredonia.
"I want a house with a basketball court, a normal home for my son," Ethridge says. "I'm not like your everyday student. I can't share a house with three other people; it just doesn't work when you've got a kid. Some nights I use the drive to catch up with old friends. We chit chat so I stay awake and sometimes I use it to think or brainstorm. There is not much time to think when you have school, a full-time job and a son."
The growing number of students with children under the age of 18 has sparked a growing number of University organizations to help. Specifically, the Emily Taylor Women's
"They tend to be more motivated educationally. They are excited," Pisani says. "They see mom or dad and they are proud of the fact that they are a Jayhawk."
Ethridge finds time when she can to finish her homework and maintain her high GPA. While other parents sit in the school gym talking and watching the weekly Boy Scout meetings, Ethridge sits on the floor outside the gym and finishes her English 322 homework. At home, Ethridge has made homework a special time for "mommy and Ayden." Together they sit at the kitchen table working on their studies. Ethridge says she has even noticed her son becoming more passionate about his own schoolwork since she has gone back to school.
Pat Pisani, executive director for Hilltop Child Development Center, says she sees a difference in children's motivation when their parents attend the University.
Resource Center has increased programming and resources for these students.A few years ago, the center rarely brought in speakers to address the issue of attending school and parenting, but Kathy Rose-Mockry, program director,says the center is now trying to make it a priority. Rose-Mockry says the students she has spoken with, mostly women, say using student services was one of the most important factors in completing school.
"They are a resource and can help build a support network to help someone balance it all." Rose-Mockry says.
Though a large amount of stress does come when parents commit to going to school while raising a family, Jackson and Ethridge both say they have a refined appreciation for the education they are receiving. As other students work on their Sudokus or crosswords, Ethridge says she knows the effect a law degree will have on her life. Like Trish and Robert Jackson, Ethridge says she did not have this understanding until she was a parent. It was not until they had the responsibilities of a parent that they realized what value a college education really is.
It is not easy to successfully raise your children while going to school and working, but all three parents say the key to successful parenting while attending the University is communication. Communication helps the child to see the value of what the parent is doing and it allows the child to say how they are feeling too, Greenhoot says.
The communication maintains the bond
Though some days can be a little tougher than others and working 30 hours a week leaves little time for Ethridge to focus on her son's activities, she says she and her son Ayden cherish their time together.
"He doesn't think it's a good day unless we cuddle, so I hold him for 10 minutes a day while reading my book," Ethridge says.
between the parent and child, Greenhoot says.
"Sometimes the frustrating thing for the child is being put off over and over again. 'I'll play with you in a few more minutes ... not yet ... I have to finish reading this or writing this paper and then I can help you with your art project ... .' If the parent just takes a short break to attend to the child, it can do wonders to reduce that frustration and give them what they need." Greenhoot says.
There are bad days, both families say, but in the end each believes the lifetime value of an education outweighs the stressful moments.
"Sure it hurts sometimes. It takes time away from what you love most in the world: your kid. But it is also your kid that motivates you to finish and in the end provide a better life," Ethridge says. JP
Resources for students with children
Non-Traditional Students Foundation www.silc.ku.edu/ntsnews nontrads@ku.edu
Emily Taylor Women's
Resource Center www.etwrc.ku.edu 785.864.4861
Hilltop Child Development Center www.hilltop.ku.edu
Edna A. Hill Child
Development Center www.absc.ku.edu/~absc/cdc 785.864.0502
KU Parents
KU Patents www.ku.edu/parents 785.864.5872
April 2, 2009
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