---
M
contact
reviews
with Carly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
I love everything about my girlfriend,but our sex life is terrible and doesn't seem to be getting any better. Is this shallow? What do I do?
Zach, junior
Carly: If it's not getting better, it won't get better. Sex isn't the most important factor in a relationship, but it's up there. If one partner is unhappy with the sex, then their unhappiness will carry over into the rest of the relationship. It sounds as if you've tried to make some improvements in your sex life without any satisfactory results. Lack of sex or bad sex is a common reason for couples to split.
I hate to sound shallow, but it might be in your, and her, best interests to move on and find someone that you have better sexual chemistry with. If you dread the prospect of having sex with your girlfriend because it's not good, then you're going to lose that physical chemistry. Once that's gone, I really don't see the difference between a couple and a couple of close friends. You need physical intimacy, and you need to be happy with it.
**Elliot:** I agree with Carly that physical intimacy is of the utmost importance. You're not being shallow. But from your question, it's hard to tell how much effort either of you have put into trying to make things better. Of course your sex life won't simply get better just because you want it to. You need to work at it. Communicate your wants and needs with her... all of them.
Try new things. Who knows, you might end up finding a fetish that brings you two closer together than ever. And after that, after you've tried everything to make your sex life better, you both need to ask yourselves how crucial that part of your relationship is. If each of you can live with the unsatisfactory sex life and still be part of a meaningful relationship, then more power to you. You (and no one else) can decide where your relationship's breaking point is.
Dan, senior
I really like my best friend's girlfriend. I know he cheats on her and lies to her all the time. Do I stay loyal to my friend or do I tell his girlfriend what's going on?
Carly: This isn't a matter of being a friend or being this girl's hero—it's a matter of staying out of their business. There are a few things you need to consider. First, think about the possibility that she may be dishonest, too. Your feelings for this girl may cloud your judgment of her. You may not really know her that well or know what she does when she's not with your friend.
Second, you're being kind of selfish. I know that sounds odd because you're revealing your friend's dishonesty, but how concerned would you be if you weren't attracted to this girl! You might give your friend a hard time about what he's doing every once in a while, but your intentions aren't 100 percent in her favor. Finally, hearing the news from one of his buddies won't give her any incentive to run into your arms. This could easily backfire on you.
Elliot: Carly's right. You've got an agenda. That's fine, everyone does. Yours is simple: You want this girl to fall for you. But you need to know that no matter how much you can claim you're only looking out for her best interests, the fact that you want her factors into your decision. It taints your decision no matter what.
And there's no way that I see this ending well for you. Even if you convince yourself that telling her is the right decision, she'd probably be so upset by the revelation that she'd associate with you directly. Her first question would likely be,"How long have you known?" And then, you're toast. On top of that, how many of your friends are you going to anger by turning on your buddy? Odds are there are a lot of them. Like Carly said, your best bet is to stay quiet.
MOVIE: Confessions of a Shopaholic
Confessions of a Shopaholic is not your typical chick flick. Although the movie centers around a young woman and young man who are thrown together under extraordinary circumstances, the plot, wit and humor take this chick flick to a whole new level.
Meet Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher). She's a vibrant young lady, five years out of college, and doesn't feel the need to hide her opinions. Her degree is in journalism and the magazine she doesn't like working for just folded. Oh, and one another thing, she has 12 credit cards. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Bloomwood is a shopaholic. Between her renting an apartment with her best friend, and hiding her association with her now-defunct magazine, Rebecca shops. But that is not the crux of the story. After all, what is a heroine without aspirations? Rebecca dreams of working for Allete (kind of like reality's Vogue).
Meet Luke Brandon: The hotte with the accent played imcecably by Hugh Dancy. Mr. Brandon is the newly appointed editor to a very boring business magazine. His goal is to take the magazine above and beyond financial hypocrites who rule Wall Street and love to hear themselves talk. Under extraordinary circumstances, which I found to be more awkward and charming than most, Rebecca finds herself employed. Oh, but here's the catch. Luke's magazine is uniquely poised to jump-start her into the world of Allete.
Have relationship questions or need some advice? E-mail bitchandmoan@kansan.com.
*Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute for professional help.
Among other subplots of her best friend's wedding, stalking debt collectors, talking mannequins, and John Goodman and Joan Cusack playing Rebecca's parents. Confessions of a Shopaholic is a breath of fresh air.
Mia Iverson
If anyone could turn Shakespeare's classic tragedy King Lear into a feel good novel, it would be Christopher Moore. Moore's latest piece of work, which deserves the double entendre, Fool, revolves around our instigating protagonist, Pocket, lead fool to King Lear's court and on a few lonely nights King Lear's conniving daughters, the servant staff, a religious hermit and his true love. I'll warn you, just as the introduction does, that this is more lewd than prude, and not for readers with heart murmurs.
Pocket's Cinderella story incorporates all the expected characters, while also adding some the readers might wish were in the first place. With witches borrowed from Macbeth, a "bloody ghost" courtesy probably of Hamlet, and allusions to Othello spurring the dialogue and character development, readers find the best kind of friend in our "black jester," honest and flawed, the tiny fool makes us feel tall not only physically, but emotionally.
BOOK: Christopher Moore, Fool
Admittedly, time and place were a problem in retrospect, but the combination of linguistic styles, dark humor and timeless human dilemmas (because we've all secretly wanted to kill a sibling sometime) help overshadow such concerns. One must admire the delicate details Moore fits together to combine the original story line with his tight wire stretches. The plot balances on the edge
of ridiculousness, but never falls into anything less than a net of praise. ,
To quote Moore in his author's note at the end of the novel, "I don't care if that's true or not, I thought it was funny."
.
18
Meghan Nuckolls
March 8,2009
1.4.1