contact
M
with Carly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while. It's gotten really serious and we're talking about the 'next step.' Logically, part of that means meeting her parents. But she's still really hesitant about the idea of me meeting her dad. Do I push? Do I lay off? What's the best way to approach this situation?
**Elliot:** Trent, I understand your anxiety. But I'd also caution you to take your time. The first impression you make on her parents is something that could have echoes for a long, long time. This is especially true if things are proceeding to the "next step." So here's what you do: Tell your girlfriend that you're really excited about whatever happens next and that you look forward to meeting her parents whenever she's comfortable.
Trent, senior
Your girlfriend's hesitation about you meeting her dad suggests her relationship with him is probably a complicated one. And plus, countless fathers are dubious about anyone who might "steal" their daughter away. Just like I'm sure your mom will size up your girlfriend when they meet for the first time. But the thing to remember here is that family is forever. They'll always be there. So proceed however she sees best. She knows her family better than anyone.
Carly: First, try to understand her reasons for not wanting to introduce you to her dad. She may feel that it's still too soon, or she may be worried that her dad won't like you. Never push. If your girlfriend is hesitant, then the last thing you want to do is push her into something, especially something big such as meeting the parents. One thing that you could do is show her that you're ready for her dad's reaction, whether it's positive or not. It might help her if she sees that you're confident and prepared for the meeting. If she still says no, then drop it. She'll bring you home when she's good and ready.
Does it really bother you that you haven't met her dad yet? This relationship is about you and her, not you, her and her dad. If she has legitimate reasons for not bringing you home, then don't worry about it and focus on her. She's the important part, anyway.
Lindsey, senior
I have a very good friend whom I love a lot, but lately she is really pissing me off. She's very successful and has had a lot internships, but that's all she can talk about. She has no interest in my life or my other roommates' lives, and the only thing to ever come out of her mouth is how great she is. I'm getting sick of it. What do I do?
**Elliot:** Wow. Your "very good" friend sounds like anything but. Clearly she's got too much of an ego. And it's not your job to keep her full of self-adoration. Take her down a few notches. Tell her that you're not that interested in what she does at her internships. Also tell her that if the only thing she can think of to discuss is her résumé, that you two don't really have that much in common anymore.
So give her that ultimatum. Not only is it not fair to you, but it's not fair to your roommates. She comes into their space and doesn't even acknowledge them? No dice. She needs to clean up her act or figure out a way to live her work life and her social life simultaneously.And you should be brave enough to tell her that.
Carly: I agree with Elliot, but I believe in being more blunt. Tell her to shut the hell up. Sometimes, people get so wrapped up in their own lives that it's hard to pull them out with hints and signs.A little brutal honesty can easily fix this problem. Part of the job description of being a "very good friend" is to be supportive and excited for her when good things come her way.
However, she has responsibilities as a friend, too. She needs to have genuine interest in what's going on in your life. If that's too hard for her, then someone needs to open her eyes. Have a house meeting and tell her that her overachieving ways are obnoxious. Mention that you're happy she's successful, but the constant bragging overshadows any excitement you have for her. If she doesn't stop now, it's only going to get worse after college.
Questions
Have relationship questions or need some advice? E-mail bitchandmoan@kansan.com. *Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute for professional help.
Randy Sklar Comedian
In your opinion, what is the most important invention ever?
It has to be the Flowbee. It's a vacuum cleaner that cuts your hair! Bringing the worlds of hair cutting and vacuuming together makes it more than just the most important invention. It's the most important thing ever.
Probably music. Music is therapy for everybody.
What is one thing you know that most people do not?
I know Tom Cruise's career was in such a bad place that his people got together and realized that he'd have to try and kill Hitler.
I know what it's like to stand in front of a crowd of 300 people at a packed venue as they chant your band's name.
Who was your childhood hero?
Björn Borg. He was Swedish, rocked a sweet ponytail and made Fila short-shorts palatable. Plus, he probably pulled a lot of tennis tail.
My mother. Just because her life pulled a complete 180 when she had three sons.
What was the worst meal you ever had?
My Great Aunt Flake used to make things with food derivatives and never put sugar in anything. Everything suffered.
Anything at Mrs. E's.
Name one trend you wish would make a comeback.
Acid washing was the best, just because it made dirty cool. That was something. Everyone wanted you to think they'd stumbled into a laboratory and acid dripped all over them.
They're already coming back, but I want to see zombies get bigger.
AJ Mathews Overland Park senior
— Elliot Kort
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February 26, 2009
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