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By Stephanie Schneider
sschneider@kansan.com
Finding a date and eventual mate is as easy as jumping into the cyber dating pool
I like to ski, do things according to plan, and seek adventure. The only factoid missing in my eHarmony.com questionnaire is that I am a reality TV junkie. Can I add that in somewhere? I have now finished the 45-minute, 436-question eHarmony.com personality questionnaire. Username: Jayhawker09.
The number of online dating websites is countless, making this trend a more accepted way of finding a match. On both eHarmony com and Match.com, about 500 users are connected to the 66044 Lawrence zip code.
eHarmony.com is among the growing number of dating sites that use questionnaires to determine compatibility between people on the site. This type of matchmaking is considered scientific now: Last year, eHarmony.com played a part for 236 marriages a day in the United States, according to Harris Interactive, a marketing research firm.
Dating websites serve as a tool to find a potential girlfriend or boyfriend at the click of a mouse. Ryan Harp, Topeka senior, joined Match.com this past December after he broke up with his girlfriend.
Match.com works like eHarmony.com. The site asks users to make a profile listing likes and dislikes, and what they're looking for in a mate. It sends compatibility matches through e-mail daily, weekly or monthly.
Harp says it was an easy way to meet other people without having to get too serious right away.
"It's kind of like Facebook." Harp says. "It's easy and you don't have to pay anything unless you want to see who is looking at your profile."
Harp searches for women up to 30 miles away, and adds to his profile that he likes watching and playing sports, hanging out with friends, and listening to music. Since December, Harp has had a few "matches," but still remains single.
The more
information you can give a potential mate, the better off you will be,says couples therapist Julie Hardy Sustellin of Fairway.
"Online dating gives you the opportunity to get to know the person on a deeper level through e-mails and phone calls first," Sullivan says. "It helps slow the relationship down and take some of the sexual tension off."
After getting rejected from eHarmony, com, Mel Browar, 25, Overland Park salon owner, subscribed to Yahoo! Personals and Match.com. Users can be rejected for reasons such as providing inconsistent answers to the questions. At the time, Browar worked at a bar. To avoid the bar scene, she turned to online dating. For a three-month, $60 Match.com membership, Browar found her boyfriend, Andy.
Match.com uses a "winking" system as a way for people to show interest in the other person.
"Once the person 'winks' you, either deleting them or winking back is the next step." Browar says. "I winked back, and we started talking."
The next night, January 6, 2008.
Andy and Browar met at Browar's bar and
they have been together ever since. "I used to be hesitant to say I met my boyfriend on an online dating website, but it's a good story to tell." Browar says. "If we get married, I hope I can be on a Match.com commercial." There may be some disadvantages to online dating, but social psychology professor Chris Crandall has seen many online dating relationships lead to successful marriages. The Internet provides a convenience that regular dating may not have. "It is only a start though," he says."Stable romantic relationships must also be face-to-face, or they remain ethereal."
Illustration by Erica Birkman
Turn up the heat in your love life online: About 500 users within the Lawrence zip code 66044 are using eHarmony.com and Match.com.
Crandall says it can be a quick and reasonable way to start.
"As long as you proceed to the well-established steps in a relationship of appearing in public, presenting the other person to friends, family and as long as you have plenty of face-to-face time in the end ... " Crandall says:"Why not!" JP
How to have a successful online dating profile
Making a good online dating profile is key to your cyber flirting success. Honest profiles make men and women click online, but knowing what to put, and what not to put, may be hard. It was for me at least. When creating my online dating profile, I came across what I think are necessities for a successful profile.
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1. A picture. It's usually the first thing people look at, so make sure it depicts who you really are. Not having a picture is OK, but people need to consider supplying one if necessary. Lastly, make sure your picture is big enough for people to see, and don't have a picture with five other people in it.
3. A good bio. Relax and don't seem too uptight. Being original is always a plus "Sick of the bar scene" was on nine out of 10 bios. We all are sick of the bar scene. Write something that shows off your personality, but be concise. No one wants to read a 10-page bio—get to the point.
2. A good user name. Make a user name that reflects something about your character, but don't seem too desperate. "Romeo seeks Juliet," and "Prince Charming" scared me off. Incorporate a favorite hobby or nickname. I saw a lot of "jayhawk" themed names. It's cute but still try to stand out above the rest.
Couples therapist Julie Hardesty Sullivan says the risk of someone not being who they seem to be is an important factor with online dating. Meeting face-to-face can be quite risky.
"I encourage students to secure a 'first date mate.'" Sullivan says. "This is a friend who can accompany each dater to the first meeting experience, which should always take place in a public setting."
January 29, 2009
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