with Carly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
I'm the friend people always come to for advice. (Yes, I recognize that this question is ironic.) The problem is that when people ask me for advice, they seldom follow it. Should I keep giving my opinion or just shut up?
Sam, senior
Elliot: If people don't want to listen, they won't listen. Even if they ask questions in the first place. So, I'm sorry Sam. Your friends are putting you in a tight spot by expecting you to dispense wisdom and then ignoring your thoughts. If I was you, I'd stop giving them what they ask for. See how they respond to utter silence. If they're not phased, then clearly all they want is to hear themselves talk. If, however, their ears perk up with the realization that you're not saying anything, point out to them that you've provided them with plenty of ideas that they did not see fit to pursue. And if some of the questions are pretty much carbon copies of one another (and I'm guessing they are), tell them they already have their answer. Then they're forced to act or admit that they are not listening.
Carly: Sometimes, people seek advice when all they really want is for you to tell them what they want to hear. Deep down, they already know what they're going to end up doing. However, the fact that your friends repeatedly seek your opinion is very important. It shows their trust in you and their respect for you. They wouldn't keep coming to you if they didn't feel you had something worthwhile to say, even if they don't follow your advice. Besides, shutting down when they ask for help is not only rude, but it sends the message that you think you're 100 percent right and they're totally wrong. You don't know every factor that affected their ultimate decision. Perhaps they left out something because they're ashamed, or maybe just by talking to you, they realized something else about their situation. Just keep being their supportive friend, because they obviously need someone to talk to. Maybe one day they'll follow your advice.